Can a big age gap ever work?

[Goldenappletrees]

Name changed for this one
I've started dating a man who is 57 I am 40
He is a grandad and family man with 5 children whom he is very close to , a good well known respected man that I've known for sometime now.
On good terms with ex wife so all very positive.

Anyway so far weve had 7 dates, coffees , walks and meals out.
I have never clicked with anyone so much. I am so attracted to him, he is very good looking man.
The conversation just flows, we laugh alot and there Is clearly strong chemistry.
If i am being honest I am developing feelings for him.
Tonight he has called me and said he is starting to develop strong feelings for me , however he is really worried about the age gap. I've told him it doesn't bother me as I like that he is mature and respects me and explained how I feel about him.
He has never once tried to take things further than a kiss, is a true gent and honestly I've never been treated so well.
He is concerned that when hes in his 70s I'll not even be 50 , he feels that would be very selfish of him. He does not want me to be left looking after and old man when in my prime he puts it.
He says this is the only thing stopping it going any further .
I want to carry on seeing him and see where it goes. I've spoken to two friends who both say it wont work.
Hes spoken to one of his children about it and they have said they are worried one of us will get hurt.
I really would like any opinions on this.
I wont be offended at all so please be honest.

• just adding that I got to know him b4 dating as he had being doing work at my new house. I knew of him as a person as we live in a small community.

ONS says a male aged 57 today has an average life expectancy of 82 and a 1 in 4 chance of reaching 92.

I think @MidnightMeltdown is including male deaths at all ages - e.g. infant mortality, life limiting condition etc.

It's not a particularly relevant statistic for a man who has already successfully made it through 57 years.

Well my DH is 20 years older than me and has just nursed me through a back injury- we are 50 and 70. Weve been together for 30 years, happily married for 25 .

What's this got to do with anything?

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway I was addressing a previous poster's rather alarming statistic.

Again, what has this got to do with anything?

You must know that this is not what most men in their late 70s do. 🙄 Most men knocking the door of 80 will have mobility issues, issues/problems with their hearing and eyesight, and many other health issues, and some will very likely need a carer by then.

.

I've been with DH 10 years. I'm in my early 40s and he's 15 years older. We're both super fit so he's in no way starting to look or act old. We're so happy and never argue etc. Both have high earning professional jobs so no power imbalance.

Chill @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway. It's an anecdote to counter all the posts that say "you will definitely be wiping his bum for him in 10 years time.

If I find a post irrelevant I usually just move on and go about my day.

People are also heavily invested in their own life choices when they post on threads like this.

Life expectancy is fairly irrelevant. It's healthy life expectancy that matters most. Have you looked up the stats for that?

Haha ivvctually corrected ti in a previous comment, he actually said I'll barely be in my 50s I re told it wrong :)

This man is very similar, very fit, works out daily, swims , runs and eats very healthily seems fitter than alot of guys I've dated that are younger

There are 8 years between DH and I.
He has just turned 50, after 24 years of it feeling like we are the same age it’s starting to show, it has really surprised me.
I’ve always advised people age doesn’t matter but I’d know tell them to think twice.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist healthy life expectancy stats are also unhelpful as they are poverty/lifestyle related. For example if you want to increase your life expectancy then all you have to do is get married and move to a more affluent postcode!

The stats are worse for lower incomes etc, yes. But even for wealthy people with good lifestyles, the average healthy life expectancy comes around sooner than a lot of people would care to admit.

The fact is that everyone gets old, and with age comes infirmity at some point. Even the wealthy, the super fit, the exercisers, and the healthy eaters.

If your partner is c. 20yrs older than you, the odds are that by the time you come to retire, they are not going to be running marathons and joining you on exciting adventures and travels. That's just how life is.

My dad was the fittest sportiest man going and always looked 10 years younger than his age. Didn’t stop him getting dementia and my mum now living with a shell of who he once was.
If he had been single at 60/65 I’m sure he’d have been seen as a real catch and could attract a younger woman - a decade or so later and his health deteriorated rapidly

So true.

Essentially it's a gamble. You might get married and then he is immediately diagnosed with cancer or dementia or heart failure. Or he could outlive you. Or you could decide not to pursue the relationship because of the age gap and end up never finding anyone else who you're as well suited to.

But of course statistically it's more likely that you'll end up caring for him than the other way round.

Wouldn't recommend this. Feelings are developing and having sex will intensify those.
I'm not an expert on relationship advice but age gap relationships can work and u can't help who u fall in love with

Absolutely. Hes probably more attractive than some younger men with their bald heads and big beer bellys.
Of course it depends on the individuals. Cant understand why people dont make their own minds up and keep posting this over and over again.

you need to live in the present.

You cant enjoy it if your worrying about the future!

you might not want to be running marathons yourself. Thats not the only important thing anyway running marathons and travels.
You cant enjoy the present if your worrying about the future.
The present is all youve got. If you find someone who makes you happy and treats you well, go and grab it.
Plenty of bastards the same age as you around.

I'm marrying my other half on my 40th birthday, he'll be 57.

An old uni friend of mine is 65 and recently married his girlfriend who is 36.. they've just had a baby!

@SnowFrogJelly really struggling to see what's in it for her. Apart from a baby.

Oh good grief.