My therapist googled my daughter

[VaseHalfFull]

Just started some psychotherapy as trying to process why my adult daughter who is struggling has again stopped speaking to me. In session 2 the therapist revealed that she had googled my daughter. I think this is not Ok. But not sure if this is now normal practice. Just asking for reality check in a wobbly time.

Find a new therapist.

And report her.

Although it does sound odd, the googling, so many pp here are saying to report the therapist, but isn't it part of therapy to try to talk to the therapist first if you're unhappy?

I understand it's not always easy (I once tried telling a therapist they'd upset me and they denied ever having said the thing that upset me!), but I do feel reporting someone for what might be a misunderstanding or a mistake is a bit ott, as it could ruin her career. I reported a relative's psychiatric nurse once, but only after two years of repeatedly trying to get help for my relative. What happens to a therapist who's reported?

What professional body and what type of Doctor. Some people use the fact they have a PhD in something completely irrelevant to make people think they will be better therepists than peoples who are not Doctors. There are many kinds of therapists and too many of them are unsuitable and barely trained.
Sometimes the cost of the therapist has no relationship to their qualifications. (Bit like life coaches)

Just to make you aware: the directory Psychology Today allows people with shoddy qualifications (think weekend online course) to advertise. So would stay away from them.

Thank you for the replies and the advice. I am answering a quite full reply because so many people took the effort to respond. And I came to mumsnet because it was online behaviour by the therapist and I felt unsure if this was something I should have expected.

I think I had better step back. I did think it was just me and the therapist talking things through. I was very surprised about the google but could not respond in the session, partly because I had no idea what the therapist had found as I don't google my daughter. The therapist also said that my daughter had her own friends and a 'nurturing network'. Impossible to know that from a google.

To find the therapist I went to the UK register of psychotherapists to get someone properly trained because of certain details of the situation. I will take the advice to stop this and try to find someone else. I am feeling out of my depth to be honest and will probably try to get some help to find someone else.

I am sure it feels overwhelming OP but also, you had a feeling something wasn’t right, and you were right!

so you can trust your own instincts in looking for someone new.

many therapists these days will do a free 15 minute zoom call so you can have a bit of a chat first and see whether you would feel comfortable with them.

please don’t give up - there are many good therapists - it’s not uncommon to need to try a couple before you find a good egg.

Op it is right to step back if you are unsure. The relationship in therapy is key. Importantly, so is the therapist’s continual work on ‘self’. If s/he is getting defensive, or acting without awareness, it is a huge red flag.

i wasn’t in the session, so I’m going off the little here, but googling your daughter and saying she has her own nurturing network, would suggest transference to me- possibly you remind him/her of his/her mum/dad and therefore associate with the daughter. Does the counsellor remind you of anyone op?

You need something more spoecialised than a therapist. You need a psychiatrist. What you're doing is obsessive and unhealthy.

I have a physchiatrist to but they've only ever done meds and diagnosed. I don't think what I do is that out of the ordinary I just think im the only one admitting it. Also when I say therapist I don't actually mean therapist I'm under the cmht and apart from my cpn which I know what that stands for the other mh workers have such random job titles that I never remember it's easier just to say therapy

We are taught that some clients will do this, so i don't think you are alone. It makes me feel a bit uneasy and anxious that you stalk family members though if you can.

A therapist shouldn't be 'insisting' on anything. They should explain their professional requirements and the rationale for them. You decide whether these are acceptable to you, and proceed accordingly. A practitioner who does not respect your autonomy is a big red flag.

CBT in IAPT is a funny animal which does not always centre the individual person or 'care' in quite the same way as some other forms of therapy and uses a very medicalised model.

Excellent post.

There are reasons for it in IAPT though.

Not treating a client in a therapeutic relationship like an autonomous person?

the therapist should have boundaries and abide by them , or report her to her /his accredited body

Not good. Doctor/patient confidentiality.

@Chasqui
You can still treat a client like an autonomous person… but you are accessing therapy via the NHS, and as part of that, the NHS has certain policies and procedures to follow. I used to work in IAPT, I would say 90% of clients had no issue disclosing the names / DOBs of their children. It is treated with the same confidentiality as the rest of the client’s information and their therapy sessions. Like I previously stated, it’s only in the event of risk or a safeguarding issue does that information become important. It’s a duty of care.

I am failing to understand why requiring certain information is not treating them as an autonomous individual. It’s the very nature of mental health care / therapy that the information is required. Another requirement was taking client’s GP information. Again, for safety reasons. It’s all to keep everyone safe.

In private settings, that information isn’t completely necessary.

Therapists should not be insisting. They should explain the service requirements. It's for a client to decide if they wish to access a service on that basis.

Well, I don’t know what the poster meant by “insisting” exactly. The way I would frame it to a client is “we require this information in order to proceed with the therapy.” And I would explain rationale… I’d always give the client the option to discontinue if they wish. That’s what I meant.

I genuinely think she might have done it because she was thinking of ways to help your daughter.
I know she’s a therapist and therapists are just people.
I’m not a therapist but on a number of occasions I’ve noticed people have information on me that seems to have come from the internet. I
think many people Google people they know if they have a natural sense of curiosity. Some people are upfront about it , some are not.

I’m in a similar situation to you. I won’t go into details as it’s a very long story but I found a face book site called Parents of Narcissistic Adult Children support group. I’m not saying your daughter is a narcissist but just take a look at this site to see if it can offer any advice etc. I too went to a counsellor (both separately and together) with my son but found that although the counsellor was nice my son managed to use his charm to wrap her around his little finger so I did not feel as supported as I felt I should have. Good luck 🤞

I'm sorry if I've missed this and im not a therapis, nor do i work in a similar field.... but people are talking about breaches of confidentiality etc.... and I can't see how Googling a client to see what information is in the public domain (that on most cases OP will have put there themselves) breaches that.... the bit of information may actually help the therapist... if they'd accessed medical records etc that would be a massive GDPR issue, as it would be if they shared any information (other than as needed and permission given).... on said nite the therapist should have a GDPR policy accessible to you

Massive and inappropriate invasion of your space.

Wow!! FOOT FIRMLY ON THE BREAKS!! By no means at all should a therapist google or even be interested your DD and/or what she looks like!! Weiiird behaviour!! What if said therapist, googles your address and just happens to be in the area one day!!!.... RUN Op.. this whole scenario is eery.. reminds me of something from a movie!! Taken - Liam Neeson and he goes literally to hell and back to save his DD!!

Report the therapist and never go back to that one. Good luck with your DD OP hugs I'm guessing her hormones play a major part in her behaviour changes with you 🙏🏾 wishing you can have the type of relationship you want with your DD - you sound very kind and lovely Op 💕 Mums are literally our first and forever besties - it just takes some of us a bit longer to realise it. Rooting for DD to come around from this for you to not have to worry or engage in dodgy therapy.

You misunderstand what psycotherapy is. It is not a process in which a therapist independently gathers information about a client's life.