Background: I have a long term partner, very happy with him.
A few weeks ago I bumped into a man I last met many years ago. He remembered me but I didn't really remember him, although I knew who he was as we have a shared friend.
We had a really great conversation as we have a lot in common. We continued the conversation online. Over a few days things became a bit more deep and meaningful and also flirty. I shut it down and made clear that I have a partner that I care about very much. He said he only wants to be friends, although he finds me attractive. He begged me not to block him. It seemed obvious that he didn't have that many friends and he seemed very upset at the thought of me cutting him off now that we had reconnected after so many years. He said he 'lost me once and doesn't want to lose me again'. So instead of blocking him I've tried to scale back communication.
However for every message I send he sends me 10. He sends me music, poems, stories, jokes, quotes, memes, lots of thoughtful reflective voice notes. He can be very funny and charming and I've found myself quite drawn into the conversation at times and sort of charmed by him.
Other times, I'm just too tired to bother engaging with what he's sent. He sends meaningful videos and songs and I tell him that I'm not likely to open them. I tell him that the level of communication is too much for me.
When I try and distance myself by not responding for many days he tells me that I'm punishing him, that it's unfair and all he wants is to be friends. I said it doesn't seem possible to just be friends, but he is very insistent that he just wants friendship and I'm the one making it into a problem. Meanwhile he continues to make flirty comments which I now just ignore.
I'm not sure how to deal with this man. Ordinarily I would block him but I know he would be very emotionally affected by it, incredibly upset and he would probably try and contact me via other platforms with a barrage of messages. We also have a shared friend so I don't want to rock the boat by taking such drastic action.
My new strategy is to do a slow fade. I'm trying to be as boring as possible and only reply to very direct/essential questions and leave big gaps. It feels really horrible and mean. I feel sorry for him. It's sad because I do really like him, we've had some fantastic conversations, and he's very funny and kind, but now he must think I've had a lobotomy because I only respond by one word answers. I know this change is making him feel uneasy and upset. However I feel like I am being manipulated somehow (am I?). Has anyone been in this situation before and can give any advice? As I've said before, blocking isn't really an option due to our mutual friends and his emotional reactions.
How can I keep my boundaries without causing him a lot of hurt and pain? I don't mind being friends but he seems overly invested in our connection, despite me repeatedly talking about how much I love my partner and would never cheat on him.