Mother in law.

[CJ98]

I’ve been with my partner for two years now and I’ve slowly found his mother has changed to the point I don’t like having her around our baby girl. It’s the first granddaughter for her but I’ve found that she invites us to her house and will sit and drink wine so we have to find our own way home - my partner rides a motorbike & I don’t drive so having to find our own way home with a baby is difficult. We have a routine that most people will follow however a few weeks ago we were asked if she could have our daughter for a few hours which we agreed to - to then come home to find she’d given our baby 2 X 5 ounce bottles in the space of 1.5 hours, she then had the nerve to complain about how baby girl was being sick a lot. She’s also demanded that we go to her house for Christmas even though we both agreed we would love to do Christmas at home as it’s not only our first Christmas with a baby but also our first Christmas in our own house. She’s done this because it’s the only day off over the Christmas period my partner will have off work..
she’ll ask my partner for money but then critics us for the way we spend our money because in her eyes the money we earn should be going on our daughter.
she gets given opportunity and opportunity to come and see us at home knowing it’s hard for us to travel to her and everytime she declines but then sits and complains that she hardly sees us (we all know it’s our baby more than anything)
She has an opinion on everything we do and as first time parents we are already feeling overwhelmed by everything and her opinions seem to be causing more problems.
I feel like everytime I speak to my partner about her he gives me the impression I’m the one with the problem.

Stand up for yourself say you are not going you want Christmas in your own home, only you can change things.
Also learn to drive yourself.

If you have bad anxiety learn to drive in an automatic it's so much easier, but don't let anxiety put you off, I've always suffered with anxiety but learning to drive has been one of the best things I have ever done.

Only person who can change this is you. And deep down, anxiety aside I think you know that. Put your foot down if you want to spend Christmas Day at your home with your baby then that’s what you do and you do not compromise that day. The compromise can be she is more than welcome to come through mid morning to see you all or husband can get on his motorcycle in the late afternoon/evening and see his mum. And you extend that option to your parents. If they have time (I know Christmas Day is hectic to those cooking etc) to pop through and see you all then open your doors. Please do not agree with your husband to do what his mum is insisting.

as for her opinions ignore them or make a comment, ‘oh is that what you did’ (odds are she didn’t). Also try remember and not putting this on you first time mums can end up being very regimented with feeds, amounts etc. as a mum of 7 myself with the whole two bottles in 1.5hrs remember you were not there, baby may have been ‘hungry’ ‘gutsy’ and only thing that would settle her. Try not to judge no real harm done babies do do this then realise their eyes were too big for their little tummy’s and bring it back up, and if she complains/complained just ignore or point out at the time she’s only x weeks old and her tummy can only handle so much so the excess will come up be thankful she’s not bringing up food 🙈🤮.

you are not the problem but by bringing up little things to hubby will overwhelm him and give him reason to deflect. From experience of overwhelming mother in law and children think of your boundaries stick to them and let the little things go. Christmas Day for me would be a huge start, if you don’t will make other celebrations including every Christmas worse as she will expect to come first. Put the three of you first xx

We used to go to family every xmas, (actually DH worked most xmas days as he is police so I went to my mums) but as soon as our 1st child was born and DH got a different posting which meant xmas was off, we made everyone know we would no longer be travelling at xmas but they were all welcome to come to us.

For the first 10 years or so we had a houseful of family members, but it's dropped off the last 5 years and it's often just us and the kids now.

You need to put your foot down as your only options are 1)don't go and say travel is impossible on xmas day or 2) go to MIL but go prepared to spend the night with an inflatable mattress and a travel cot.

Does DH have a car licence? If he does, get him to punt the bike and buy a car. Would be ridiculous to just keep a bike! If he doesn't, well one of you needs to learn to drive..

OP your partner doesn't sound responsible, he sounds very immature. He is a father now, and you and his daughter rely on him. He needs to grow up and trade the bike for a car. He can use the car to get to work, too. A motorbike is ok if you're a teenager or 20s bachelor. He sounds a bit of a deadbeat father to be honest. I'd tell him the bike has to go. He has a family now, time for him to grow up.

And I would definitely stay at home for Christmas day.

What planet are you on exactly ? Just because she gave Birth to him DOES NOT give her the right to disregard the baby's routine making them ill , disrespect OP and cause arguments between them ! His wife and child should come well before his mother and I say that as a mother of 5 boys myself !!

You sound like an absolute nightmare definitely one of them mother in laws absolutely no woman will ever like because you believe you should be the main woman in your sons life (ICK)
He's your son not your lover not your husband frankly opinions like yours are disturbing and I'd really get some help for that immediately

All I can say in response is.... hahahahahaha. You will soon see...

You will see one day when your son ditches you for his wife because you're insufferable to her 😂