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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To dump him after or before his birthday

127 replies

Moonbeamcookie · 01/10/2024 10:55

Hi all name changed for this one , worried about being outed as I know a few people that use mumsnet.
So I've been seeing a man for 8 months now , the last month or so I have felt I am not very happy.
It isnt going in the direction I want it to go, I've realised its very much always me going to him, I rarely hear from him inbetween seeing him which is every other weekend and I'm starting to feel its very much a relationship of convenience for him.
Theres many other reasons, however I have been a bit low lately and did a bit of soul searching and realised this situationship/ relationship is the main reason unfortunately.
It's hard to explain, however I feel it's not enough for me. Him and I just are not aligning.
It doesnt feel right in my gut and Lifes too short .
I've had a bad past and was in a very good place b4 I met him and I think I need to be single and focus on myself , instead of putting all my energy into seeing him on my child free weekends when I dont really get much else in return
The kind of icing on the cake was that I've moved house recently and leading up to it he offered to help with work that needed doing in my new home , it didn't happen there was always an excuse and I felt really let down by him.
I've been in relationships where I have been constantly let down and false promises in the past and stayed for too long. He isnt going to change. He is very happy with just seeing me ( mainly at his place) every other weekend , it's not enough for me and I know I've made my decision in my heart and head now.
The issue I have is it's his birthday on Saturday, he has been looking forward to us spending the evening together.
I feel I would be cruel to end it just b4 his birthday but then I feel just as cruel being fake on his birthday.
I would just like others opinions on what they would do in my situation please?
AIBU to wait until after his birthday to end it?
Or yanbu to wait until the weekend is over?
This is a tricky one for me

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 01/10/2024 17:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

🤣🤣🤣

Itawapuddytat · 01/10/2024 17:43

End it today. And I say from the point of view of someone who once got dumped 3 days before her birthday. OK, different circumstances, the relationship had been going on for longer, I ended up going away on holiday for a few weeks and so did he (different locations), and he met someone else during this time this time. However...he finished with me soon as we saw each other after the holidays - and it happened to be right before my birthday Yes, I was looking forward to spending my birthday with him. But how shit would I have felt if he had ditched me right after, been aware that he had been planning to do it all along? I know it would have been much worse. At least he owed me this, being honest with me and showing me some respect.

SharpWriter · 01/10/2024 18:15

AlinaSquareQueen · 01/10/2024 15:20

This message is perfect OP. And the sooner you send it, the better.

Agree - this is perfect. Have you done it yet OP?

JamieKnight · 01/10/2024 18:53

Maybe message him on his Birthday “sorry you’re dumped…you’re just too old for me now!” 🤣

Onelifeonly · 01/10/2024 19:01

I wouldn't be able to face cringing through his birthday, so I'd just get on with it.

Years ago a flatmate's boyfriend complained when she dumped him just prior to an important exam. He wasn't a likeable person, but I did think he had a point. She could have been "busy" for a few more days. She wasn't a likeable person either, come to think of it.

Tae1 · 01/10/2024 19:05

He's a lazy undependable twat.
Who cares about his birthday.
Dump him by text, as briefly as possible, preferably the day before.
I have zero tolerance for people who don't follow through with an offer of help.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 02/10/2024 02:08

@Moonbeamcookie

Did you bottle it.

i was hoping for a 'well, that's done' type of post!

MrsCatE · 02/10/2024 05:53

Just dump. He's an adult. He may turn up at yours after applying copious amounts of onion juice to his eyes, with trembly / wibbly lips, clutching cut price Garage shop Carnations but most likely, down the Pub telling his mates of how he had to dump you because you weren't making any effort re his birthday (which really upset his mum and gran who'd been blowing up balloons for days and shelled out on a PeppaPig cake) - in earshot of next fancy and in the hope for a sympathy shag and if bar staff, a couple of free drinks slipped his way. He's no prize - get rid!

GuestFeatu · 02/10/2024 06:03

Gardenlover121 · 01/10/2024 11:50

Agree with most of PPs. Do it today. Text a brief message, then block. It’s doesn’t sound like he will be devastated anyway as he has been so low effort towards you.

Text a brief message then block after an 8 month relationship? Why would you advise that kind of arsehole behaviour?

MaxTalk · 02/10/2024 06:35

Who cares about him? Just dump him before Sat, block and never see him again.

I'm sure he will get over it.

GhostVase · 02/10/2024 06:53

GuestFeatu · 02/10/2024 06:03

Text a brief message then block after an 8 month relationship? Why would you advise that kind of arsehole behaviour?

Because this relationship consists of the OP meekly trotting to his place every other weekend and he doesn’t get in touch at all between these occasions, apparently viewing the whole thing as convenient fortnightly sex?

DixonD · 02/10/2024 07:10

Theres no need to block unless he becomes a nuisance.

PomPomtheGreat · 02/10/2024 07:15

I think you should channel your inner Phoebe Buffay and tell him you don't want to start his new birthday year with him if you can't finish it with him.

ClaredeBear · 02/10/2024 07:17

I broke up with someone on their birthday. I tried to do the decent thing, went through the motions but the guy was such an arse on his birthday that by the end of the day I'd got to the end of my tether and more or less let him know I'd had enough. There's never a good time.

Jl2014 · 02/10/2024 08:02

dump him now. Sounds like it’s just convenient sex for him.

SunshineAndFizz · 02/10/2024 08:23

How did it go @Moonbeamcookie?

Reallybadidea · 02/10/2024 08:29

Why not send him a text saying that you're going to dump him and would he prefer for you to do it by text or over the phone? Grin

waterrat · 02/10/2024 08:33

Its just as harsh for him to realise you were planning on dumping him on his birthday - let him enjoy it as as single man! otherwise you wake up say thanks that was fun you are dumped - what is the point

AwayWithLu · 02/10/2024 08:37

Absolutely, leave him now. Don't waste any more time, I very much doubt, he'd be thinking about this sort of thing in the reverse. Don't fake it for him on his birthday, you'll lose your dignity and confidence as a side effect of being kind to him. He will notice it anyway and it might all go pear shaped.

AwayWithLu · 02/10/2024 08:39

Reallybadidea · 02/10/2024 08:29

Why not send him a text saying that you're going to dump him and would he prefer for you to do it by text or over the phone? Grin

😂

Psychoticbreak · 02/10/2024 09:57

Reallybadidea · 02/10/2024 08:29

Why not send him a text saying that you're going to dump him and would he prefer for you to do it by text or over the phone? Grin

Please do this 😂

Dolphin78 · 02/10/2024 18:34

End it today not tomorrow or after the birthday. My ex left me suddenly on my 50th it was pretty traumatic at the time but it’s definitely “the gift that keeps on giving!”

Blessedbunny · 02/10/2024 18:37

Loubelou71 · 01/10/2024 10:57

There will never be a good time but he's not concerned about your happiness so I wouldn't waste a minute more on this.

Agreed

Amazonmulu · 02/10/2024 18:41

@Moonbeamcookie did you text him yet? Hope you are ok and feel a sense of relief!

CantBelieveNaive · 02/10/2024 18:59

How did it go? Xx