To dump him after or before his birthday

[Moonbeamcookie]

Hi all name changed for this one , worried about being outed as I know a few people that use mumsnet.
So I've been seeing a man for 8 months now , the last month or so I have felt I am not very happy.
It isnt going in the direction I want it to go, I've realised its very much always me going to him, I rarely hear from him inbetween seeing him which is every other weekend and I'm starting to feel its very much a relationship of convenience for him.
Theres many other reasons, however I have been a bit low lately and did a bit of soul searching and realised this situationship/ relationship is the main reason unfortunately.
It's hard to explain, however I feel it's not enough for me. Him and I just are not aligning.
It doesnt feel right in my gut and Lifes too short .
I've had a bad past and was in a very good place b4 I met him and I think I need to be single and focus on myself , instead of putting all my energy into seeing him on my child free weekends when I dont really get much else in return
The kind of icing on the cake was that I've moved house recently and leading up to it he offered to help with work that needed doing in my new home , it didn't happen there was always an excuse and I felt really let down by him.
I've been in relationships where I have been constantly let down and false promises in the past and stayed for too long. He isnt going to change. He is very happy with just seeing me ( mainly at his place) every other weekend , it's not enough for me and I know I've made my decision in my heart and head now.
The issue I have is it's his birthday on Saturday, he has been looking forward to us spending the evening together.
I feel I would be cruel to end it just b4 his birthday but then I feel just as cruel being fake on his birthday.
I would just like others opinions on what they would do in my situation please?
AIBU to wait until after his birthday to end it?
Or yanbu to wait until the weekend is over?
This is a tricky one for me

Dear John, it's not me, it's you. I'm sorry to do this just before your birthday, however I cannot see you/shag you and then dump you, so the dumping comes now. I'll think of you fondly.
Or something similar 😂

"Hi Pete. I'm ending our relationship as this is not the right one for me. All the best for the future."

You don't owe him anything, he hasn't been an engaging, active participant in the relationship by the sounds of it. Instead his effort is the bare minimum. And if he asks for a more specific reason then you can either simply block him and not give one - folk know when they're lazy, unattentive fuckers happy for a one way street, they just sometimes have the gall to play the poor me card when the other person dares to call time - or you can be forthright and tell him the low effort isn't good enough.

You'll feel so much better once you've got rid of this bloke from your life OP!

Do it now. You don't have to wait a minute longer.

Think how you would feel on Saturday!
No; ending it now is right.

Yes text him given that's how you usually communicate and it's what he prefers
I'd probably not mention the bit about getting more out of a vibrator Depends just how selfish he is!

I vote end it now. He sounds lazy and selfish so it’s natural consequences 🤷‍♀️

You know what though? Well done for getting to this point 8 months in instead of years down the line. Next time you'll recognise and react to the red flags even sooner! This is all experience and when you know better, you do better! You've clearly recognised that this isnt going anywhere and are dping something about it so I have to applaud you!

Do it now.
He's not a child

Just send this picture

I'd prob wait till after the birthday, but then on the other hand, he'll probably expect sex on his birthday and I wouldn't be able to have sex with someone towards whom I felt as you do. So I'd then end up doing it ON the birthday when that conversation arose. Which is worse. So do it now.

OP is speaking generally about the level of communication throughout. Not about the dumping message.

I would dump before today then he can arrange other plans and you don't need to fake it.

Thank you! This is what I am holding onto. This is a huge shift in self love for me. In the past I have held on for months and years thinking things would change... I now know that wont happen

I mean in general

I dumped my last ex after his birthday, but really should have done it much earlier! Probably better to rip the plaster off now, to be honest, especially if he now sees you as just a friend with benefits. It might feel bad for a while but it’s better than longer term misery!

Ugh, sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing. Well done!

I think text is absolutely fine especially if you're only 8 months in and only seeing each other every other weekend. It also enables him to have his reaction without you listening in. I'd actually prefer to be dumped by text!

I'd say something like: "Hi Mark, I'm feeling that we aren't compatible and shouldn't be together any more. I'm wishing you all the best for the future".

Bob, I've had a think and I'm not coming over this weekend. You and I have been seeing each other for 8 months and it's clearly not going anywhere. We're obviously not right for each other. This relationship has run its course and it's time to call it quits. Wishing you all the best for the future.

His birthday is irrelevant. He's making you miserable. Dump, block and move on.

This message is perfect OP. And the sooner you send it, the better.

Also it’s sweet that he’s looking forward to spending time together on his bday, but guess why that is? That’s right, because it’s about him. Another day about him in a festival of him-first-ness.

Why wait ? Just tell him it is over now.

Sounds like you're just a fuck buddy to him so Id have no qualms dumping his arse before his birthday

Hi Adolph, I'm sending you this message via text as it's the usual way that we communicate with one another. I've given this a lot of thought and have realised it is best if we don't meet this weekend. We’ve shared 8 months together, but it's now become clear that we're not right for each other and should part ways. I won't change my mind, so please don't ask, it's time to bring things to a close. I wish you nothing but the best for the future, Moonbeamcookie.

Also spend the money you would have spent in his birthday on yourself. Haircut, takeaway, lunch out with friend.