To dump him after or before his birthday

[Moonbeamcookie]

Hi all name changed for this one , worried about being outed as I know a few people that use mumsnet.
So I've been seeing a man for 8 months now , the last month or so I have felt I am not very happy.
It isnt going in the direction I want it to go, I've realised its very much always me going to him, I rarely hear from him inbetween seeing him which is every other weekend and I'm starting to feel its very much a relationship of convenience for him.
Theres many other reasons, however I have been a bit low lately and did a bit of soul searching and realised this situationship/ relationship is the main reason unfortunately.
It's hard to explain, however I feel it's not enough for me. Him and I just are not aligning.
It doesnt feel right in my gut and Lifes too short .
I've had a bad past and was in a very good place b4 I met him and I think I need to be single and focus on myself , instead of putting all my energy into seeing him on my child free weekends when I dont really get much else in return
The kind of icing on the cake was that I've moved house recently and leading up to it he offered to help with work that needed doing in my new home , it didn't happen there was always an excuse and I felt really let down by him.
I've been in relationships where I have been constantly let down and false promises in the past and stayed for too long. He isnt going to change. He is very happy with just seeing me ( mainly at his place) every other weekend , it's not enough for me and I know I've made my decision in my heart and head now.
The issue I have is it's his birthday on Saturday, he has been looking forward to us spending the evening together.
I feel I would be cruel to end it just b4 his birthday but then I feel just as cruel being fake on his birthday.
I would just like others opinions on what they would do in my situation please?
AIBU to wait until after his birthday to end it?
Or yanbu to wait until the weekend is over?
This is a tricky one for me

Good point

No he wouldn't. Where do people get these stupid ideas from?

If you know you're done with a relationship the only thing to do is end it.

Immediately. Like right now this second.

He’s a lazy EOW shag who’s dragging you down. From what you say he’s not bothered, anyway, so I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Text him and get on with your suddenly more enjoyable life.

Do it today, then he has the opportunity to make other plans. Plus think how grim it would feel going through the motions of celebrating his birthday when all you are thinking about is the relationship ending - it would definitely show, so neither of you would have a good time anyway.

Thank you for the replies. I will have to end it over txt as we live a bit of a distance away from each other , and I'm working up until his birthday. I have a day off the following week so I was going to suggest a coffee and end it face to face but these replies are making me feel I can do it over txt

This x100.

Focus on your self-esteem and raising standards. Eight months wasted on this tosser.

Of course text!

I know what a waste of time, I guess I thought the relationship would progress in some way ? Oh well atleast I know now

Just break up with him today. You are giving far too much importance to someone who doesn't sound to care about you.

You've made up your mind, you know you want to end it.

Do it now, today. You'll feel much better once it's done.

Ok thanks , I dont know why I feel so guilty doing it over txt . I will take this advice , he is at work today so i will send it this evening when i know he is at home , thank u

Why don't you send him a voice note instead of a text. X

Ditch him
Why waste your life you owe him nothing.

Don't text. I think you owe it to him to actually talk to him and properly tell him!

It sounds to me like you give much more thought to him than he does to you, so just end it now. I'm sure he can spend his birthday doing whatever it is he does when he's not really bothering with you.

Second the voice note - or even a call! Text is a bit callous after 8 months.

Yeah, a text is a bit shitty. Just call him later and tell him over the phone.

I think binning him off now is fine, but eight months warrants an actual call imo.

I wouldn’t bother waiting until after his birthday. All it’s likely to do is make him wonder why you spent the day with him and acted like everything was fine, only to dump him days later. It’s kinder to do it now.

And yes, call him, don’t text him. You’re ending a relationship of eight months, not turning down a second date.

Much better to break up before his birthday, which will be excruciating for you to sit through, knowing what is about to happen. If you want to be kind, you could take the time to explain exactly what is lacking in the relationship and see if he gets what you are saying and sincerely agrees to change things. Good luck.

Just get it done. There's absolutely no point in dragging it out if you know you're going to end it anyway.

Honestly, these men who expect you to get to their house without making any effort themselves would do my head in! Does he think you're Deliveroo or something?

Do it now with a clear conscience.
He's lazy and you're convenient for him, he has no such thought or care for you.

It only a birthday, he's obviously not that bothered about you. Looking forward to spending an evening on his birthday probably equals a shag or something like a bj because "It's my birthday."
Dump him, as someone said he'll probably meet someone else by saturday.

Or pick up the phone and call him like a grown up!