My dp has given me thrush again.

[mardynow]

My dp has a problem sticking to any kind of person al hygiene routine.

He never brushes his teeth unless I make him, he once went 2 weeks without doing this. I hate kissing him when he doesn't brush his teeth, in fact I won't let him come to bed sometimes cos his breath is bad

He never bathes or showers unless I make him, he last had a shower last friday.

Well, we had sexx a couple of nights ago, and now I have raging thrush. It came on mmediatly afterwards. I told him I had it, But he hasn't been using the cream, he says he doesn't need to cos he hasn't noticed anything wrong.

I feel that the state my body is in doesn't matter at all to him as long as he is comfortable. He doesn't care if he smells so bad it is keeping me awake, as long as he doesn't have to take 20 minutes out of his bloody day to have a shower.

I am so miserable, I am crying my eyes out here, he won't talk about it, refuses to discuss it and this is the worst case of thrush I have ever had, sorry to be explicit, but the discharge is yellow and it really hurts.

I really feel like I don't matter at all to him, I am just a machine for ensuring his life runs smoothly.......

[mardynow]

Is anyone there? Has everyone gone to bed? Really need some sympathy....

[mardynow]

Night then. It made me feel better to write it all down anyway, so thanks mumsnetters.

[KateandtheGirls]

Sorry no-one was here.

It sounds awful.

Has your husband always been like this? Was he like this when you first met? I can't imagine anyone being so gross (sorry). Doesn't he smell?

I wish I had some advice.

[tentunturq]

Yes - sorry mn, you just seem to have hit an "in between shifts" moment. I'm sure there will be lots of good advice in the morning.

I do sympathise, it must be revolting. You say you feel like you don't matter at all to him, is he as inconsiderate in other areas of your relationship? Do you have any children?

You say you've had he thrush a couple of days now - sounds like maybe you should go to the gp/gyn and get something for it as maybe over the counter remedies aren't helping?

Is he depressed? That often causes people to cease to care about basic personal hygeine. However, whatever his reasons it's totally unacceptable that he reinfects you with thrush and treats you with such callousness.

[FatFluckerFio]

agree with turquoise. But if you think he keeps reinfecting you get him to wear a condom.

[FatFluckerFio]

and i have found that diflucan (is that what it is called?), the all in one tablet is the best for thrush, it is expensive though

[pixiefish]

bugger the condom... if he won't wash and keeps reinfecting you with thrush then just don't have sex with him. Don't let him sleep in your bed either cos he'll make it dirty.

[bizzi]

Feeling for you!
And re ask the question has he always been like this? If not what has made him so lazy? If he has did you mind before, why has your opinion of how clean he should be changed?

[marthamoo]

You poor thing - what a pig (sorry to talk about your dp like that but he is!) I think the thrush is the least of your problems. His behaviour shows a shocking lack of respect for you and your feelings. Does he work? Just can't imagine how someone with such poor personal hygiene gets on at work - must be pretty unpleasant for his colleagues too.

There is no way I would have sex with him until a) he treated himself for thrush and b) he improved his personal cleanliness.

It's such a fundamental thing - it's part of showing he cares for you, to care for himself. Could he be depressed, as tentunturq (is that a dieting turquoise?) suggests?

I don't know what the answer is but you can't go on like this - you need to talk and you need to demand some changes.

Good luck.

[morningpaper]

AW poor you this sounds SOO grim.

I would suggest the condom thing too although to be honest it sounds like there are problems you need to address with him - any chance he would try counselling with you?

My father was like this when married to my mum - but I must admit after they split up he completely turned around and started bathing every day like a 'normal' person. It really shocked me. I think partly he was so unhappy with his marriage that he stopped washing to keep my mother 'at a distance'.

I know this is just one person's story but it might be that your DH's feelings are more complicated that just being lazy.

(hugs)

[littlemissbossy]

That's awful, poor you. Don't really know what to advise TBH, other than the obvious if he doesn't agree to treat himself and have daily showers etc, refuse sex and tell him why!

[MINNIE1]

mardynow,
I would tell him to wash before he gets into bed or to sofa is all yours dear... He has to start understanding that there are two people in this relationship not one.. hope this sorts itself out.. And the thrush goes away.. On the thrush could you put a tablet (over the counter)in his dinner that will cure him and he won't know any different.. All you'll have to deal with is getting him in the shower..
Good luck hon..

[HappyMumOf2]

Message withdrawn

[NameChangingMancMidlander]

Sounds horrid . If he really is that dirty and smelly then I have to say that I would be hugely reluctant to share a bed with him, never mind bodily fluids !

You need to talk to him about his personal hygiene, he's a big boy now and should be taking responsibility for himself. Tread carefully though, there's no point steaming in screaming 'Have a wash, you smelly git!!!' or similar as he's likely to just tell you where to get off and flounce off.

[NameChangingMancMidlander]

P.S. Get your nethers seen to asap

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

I would definitely be saying no nookie unless you are washed.

Sorry, but I think you need to tell your gp how you think you got this and relay what the gp says to your dh, along with the sex ban until he mends his ways.

Hope you feel better soon xx.

[morningpaper]

I would go to a doc. about your lady bits - yellow discharge sounds like it could be anything. I'd get a total check for any infections and STDs - I'm NOT saying that he's given you one but they can lurk for years without symptoms and can cause all sorts of problems years later. I'd get a thorough MOT now and sort it all out.

[mardynow]

We had a screaming row last night, and I told him his dirtyness has given me a horrible disease. His reply? "But you get thrush anyway."

I have made an appointment at the doc's, that bacterial thing sounds horrible, what is it? I can't see my doc untiol monday afternoon, do I need to see him sooner?

I am a regular poster by the way, just so ashamed that I have caught a dirt disease from my partner of 4 years that I changed my name.

[HappyMumOf2]

Message withdrawn

[moondog]

Well thrush is nothing to be ashamed of, whether or not you caught it from him. The real issue is the lack of consideration he is showing you with his personal hygiene issues as well as his lack of pride.

[MrsBigD]

mardynow.... definitely nothing to be ashamed about... it's not your fault but your dh's! I can't believe what a pig (sorry) he is.

I'm quite a clean fanatic (2 showers a day) and dh is that way too. I'm so lucky I now realise especially as I have a very sensitive sense of smell.

Your dh's reply that you get thrush anyway is a bit stupid isn't it?! As long as he doesn't treat himself he'll give it back to you. As for him saying there's nothing wrong with him... as far as I know thrush or clamydia or anything like that is very less likely to show symptoms in a male so he wouldn't necessarily know!

So I'd definitely would tell him... no shower/wash = no nookie!

[Jasmum]

Marydnow, I had a recurrent thrush problem for about a year, it was awful & really affected my life. I tried everything there was on offer, went to the 'garden clinic', diflucan, creams, pills even a chinese herbalist and it would get rid of it, but the next time I had sex with my partner exactly the same thing would happen again.
The only thign that cured it forever for me was seeing a homeopath, it was fantastic & gone forever within a week. I know this doesn't help with the issue of your DP's hygeine but as a long term cure I strongly recommend this.

[mardynow]

Thanks everyone - I am really starting to doubt that this is thrush now and think it is probably the other thing. It's horrible to know that it was caused by my partner, it happened an hour after we last had intercourse and it won't go. I have never had anything like this - as I said thrush is a repeat offender for me, but I know that I haven't even had that for months.

I am not ashamed that I have a nasty disease, I am ashamed that I allowed a dirty person to sleep with me without checking he had had a shower, angry at him because I shouln't have to check, angry at myself for living with a man who doesn't wash.

I am so scared in case they tell me I have an std: I don't know what I will say or do, but the sad fact is I am so worn out with him I probably won't say anything.

Oh god if anyone knew me in real life you would never believe I am writing this, the fact that he has caused it by being dirty has made me feel so dirty myself

[KateandtheGirls]

Can you answer the question about whether he has always been like this?

[mardynow]

When I met him, he worked in a bar, and had to have a shower and shave every day, however as soon as he left the job in the bar, his personal care went really downhill. His level of hygiene has always been related to the job he does at the time, and whether or not he has to deal with the public.

At the mo he is a chef, and I am surprised none of his colleagues has complained. He will only shower regularly if he needs to for his job. Sadly, I didn't find this out until he left the bar job. Sorry I din't answer, I was all wound up and flapping