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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Affair going on at work and I know the wife

104 replies

BentleyBooBoo · 29/09/2024 18:40

Hello,

I started a new job a few months ago and I’m based in the same office as the two senior managers. One works at home a lot so he’s not often in. I’m only on-site two days a week and work from him the rest of the week.

Not long after starting I started to notice a female employee in and out a lot and being flirty with the manager who is office based every day. One morning I walked in on them, with her with a short skirt on/tight blouse and her legs open almost spread around his knees and he was rubbing her bare legs. I felt a bit awkward and pretended I hadn’t seen anything (as they moved away from each other very quickly once I appeared). He is 57 and appears to be going through a mid-life crisis. He’s a lovely man, to be honest, and we work well together. The other woman is mid-40’s and is married with two kids (one primary aged and one secondary). From what I’ve overheard, her husband is a bit of a useless husband. It sounds like she’s just carrying on as normal at home but having some fun. I’m not quite sure what she sees in my manager as he’s getting on a bit!

Anyway, they obviously go to the gym together (after work) so this is probably where it all started. They both get changed into gym gear at work and I know they both go to the same gym.

I caught them a second time doing a similar thing. She told me later he was looking at her shoe as it was falling apart 😂.

I then overheard another female colleague pass a remark about them both being in holiday at the same time. She raised her eyebrows as she said it and winked at another colleague. Being new to this workplace, I’m not aware of things that others are.

Recently, the woman has been moved to another building and I haven’t seen her much but it seems to be still going on. Not sure if something has been said.

The thing is, his wife is my best friend’s sister and I know her quite well. I’m not sure the husband knows who I am, in relation to her. She is a lovely woman and they’ve raised 5 children together.

This is tricky for me! Help.

OP posts:
FairyMaclary · 04/10/2024 11:39

I would tell my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be asked ‘did you know?’.

Cheating affects so many people. They think no one will get hurt. Or only the spouse will get hurt. Nope the ripples caused by being a sneaky liar affect so many people.

I would be interviewing for new jobs and I would tell my friend. This lying man is putting her sexual health at risk, even condoms don’t stop all disease - especially HPV. The mother of his five kids - how selfish. He’s really not a nice man. If he’s prepared to screw over his loved ones I wouldn’t want work with him anyway.

Calliopespa · 04/10/2024 12:18

FairyMaclary · 04/10/2024 11:39

I would tell my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be asked ‘did you know?’.

Cheating affects so many people. They think no one will get hurt. Or only the spouse will get hurt. Nope the ripples caused by being a sneaky liar affect so many people.

I would be interviewing for new jobs and I would tell my friend. This lying man is putting her sexual health at risk, even condoms don’t stop all disease - especially HPV. The mother of his five kids - how selfish. He’s really not a nice man. If he’s prepared to screw over his loved ones I wouldn’t want work with him anyway.

I agree with all this. The one - admittedly slightly selfish - concession I would make is I would start job hunting now (you don’t love the job anyway oP) and try to be past reference stage before you say anything. I get that it delays telling, but you only owe them honesty not a shit job reference .

Roryno · 04/10/2024 13:18

Usually I’m very much in the “tell the wife” camp as I had it happen to me, and the fact that lots of people knew and didn’t tell me was one of the hardest parts. I felt such a fool.

However until you find another job you’re on thin ice. You’ve not been there long, it would be easy for them to get rid of you. Even a “casual, friendly” chat with the husband might end up with him wanting rid of you at work. And it’s really likely that he’ll be gunning for you if he knows that his wife found out because of you. So in this situation I might just force myself to bite my tongue for now.

But as for those saying say nothing full stop, who needs friends like you!! And the lady saying that everyone at her husband’s firm were shagging around and you used to go on nights out with them and their partners, you’re lucky if your husband wasn’t too! I had an ex that used to come home telling me about all the hook ups at his work and say how he would never do that - turned out he did. Regularly!

SonofDeva · 05/06/2025 10:01

@BentleyBooBoo just out of interest did you tell your best friend and managed to get a new job?

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