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Original poster

Affair going on at work and I know the wife

104 replies

BentleyBooBoo · 29/09/2024 18:40

Hello,

I started a new job a few months ago and I’m based in the same office as the two senior managers. One works at home a lot so he’s not often in. I’m only on-site two days a week and work from him the rest of the week.

Not long after starting I started to notice a female employee in and out a lot and being flirty with the manager who is office based every day. One morning I walked in on them, with her with a short skirt on/tight blouse and her legs open almost spread around his knees and he was rubbing her bare legs. I felt a bit awkward and pretended I hadn’t seen anything (as they moved away from each other very quickly once I appeared). He is 57 and appears to be going through a mid-life crisis. He’s a lovely man, to be honest, and we work well together. The other woman is mid-40’s and is married with two kids (one primary aged and one secondary). From what I’ve overheard, her husband is a bit of a useless husband. It sounds like she’s just carrying on as normal at home but having some fun. I’m not quite sure what she sees in my manager as he’s getting on a bit!

Anyway, they obviously go to the gym together (after work) so this is probably where it all started. They both get changed into gym gear at work and I know they both go to the same gym.

I caught them a second time doing a similar thing. She told me later he was looking at her shoe as it was falling apart 😂.

I then overheard another female colleague pass a remark about them both being in holiday at the same time. She raised her eyebrows as she said it and winked at another colleague. Being new to this workplace, I’m not aware of things that others are.

Recently, the woman has been moved to another building and I haven’t seen her much but it seems to be still going on. Not sure if something has been said.

The thing is, his wife is my best friend’s sister and I know her quite well. I’m not sure the husband knows who I am, in relation to her. She is a lovely woman and they’ve raised 5 children together.

This is tricky for me! Help.

OP posts:

AllAboutNiamh · 02/10/2024 08:23

It’s none of your business. Not sure why you’re being told to look for another job? It doesn’t and shouldn’t affect you.

GreenFields07 · 02/10/2024 13:25

Id tell my friend, but then I have a conscience. Everyone on here saying its none of your business would want to know if it were their DH. If you're going to look for another job anyway then do that first, then please tell your friend. Even if you say there are rumours about this happening so you just wanted to make her aware. It may not be true but atleast the friend / sister can do their own investigations. I couldnt live with myself knowing this and not saying something. And if a friend of mine knew about my BILs affair and didnt tell me, they'd no longer be a friend.

Viviennemary · 02/10/2024 13:28

Keep quiet. You won't be thanked. You 'caught' them. Are you a private investigator or just a busybody.

flowergirl2020 · 02/10/2024 13:36

Find a new job then tell your best friend. I'd also be very very tempted, when the new job is secure and there no risk of them letting you go, to make a comment infront of the man and woman making clear you friend is wife's sister. Imagine the affair will end there and then and they'll both feel an absolute t@t for being so overt. I hope your friend still tells the wife even if the affair stops as mid life crisis is no excuse. I doubt it's the first time the office tart has tempted him xx

M340 · 02/10/2024 13:43

AllAboutNiamh · 02/10/2024 08:23

It’s none of your business. Not sure why you’re being told to look for another job? It doesn’t and shouldn’t affect you.

Yeah do this OP, and pat yourself on the back for having no moral compass.

JumperStripes · 02/10/2024 13:47

Don’t tell your best friend and put that burden on her/him. Either stay out of it or tell your friend’s sister.

TennisLady · 02/10/2024 14:08

It's awful being the 'poor wife' and not knowing you are, then finding out later. It's embarrassing to think people were thinking of me as 'poor clueless wife at home!'
I would tell her. Others will tell you to keep out of it but honestly, it's not very nice for the wife to be potentially oblivious to this.

Welshmonster · 02/10/2024 15:11

Tell HR what you saw. Think about all the people that saw Mohammad Al fayed and kept quiet.

they May be in a consensual relationship but they can’t be acting like that in the office.

MidnightMeltdown · 02/10/2024 15:17

I'd just keep my nose out of it, it's really none of your business.

As for having to find a new job - that's just totally ridiculous!

Ignore and carry on as usual. If it comes out then deny all knowledge.

coxesorangepippin · 02/10/2024 15:20

God don't go to HR

Just turn a blind eye and get another job

Shoe fell apart 🤣

ABirdsEyeView · 02/10/2024 15:32

I think I'd have to find a way to drop into conversation with him that you are best friends with his wife's sister. It might give him a reality check, to know how connected everyone is and that his life isn't neatly compartmentalised!

You are between a rock and a hard place and nothing you do is without consequences for you. That's one of the things which makes me really angry about cheaters - they drag innocent parties into their shit show!

I think all you can really do is decide what you would want if you were the wife and go with that. You won't be thanked for it regardless - everyone shoots the messenger. But you can only do what you think is right and fair from your own pov.

Dazzler27 · 02/10/2024 15:53

Keep out if I were you none of your business really

Cerialkiller · 02/10/2024 16:05

I would have to tell the friend too. It won't necessarily come back to you at work as it sounds like it's an open secret in the office. If you have caught them twice and they go on holiday together then they are not being discrete at all and there must be dozens of people who suspect.

You could tell your friend that you have noticed that it's rumour/joke in the office that he's close to someone and that he spends a lot of time with one woman who he goes to the gym with.

That's enough info for her and the wife to start to investigate themselves. That way they find out themselves and you aren't the messenger that gets shot.

Alternatively casually mention you saw bf brother in law going to the gym and work it into conversation he has a gym buddy.

Ukhotelsareshit · 02/10/2024 16:16

Your best friends sister? Yes I would absolutely tell my best friend. And, if I found out my BF knew something like this about my sisters husband? I’d be furious she hadn’t told me…..

SpiggingBelgium · 02/10/2024 16:44

Id tell my friend, but then I have a conscience.

I hate haughty, superior comments like this on these threads. I’m sure the OP does have a conscience. But she also has a mortgage/rent, food bills, utilities to pay for etc.. You can’t go to the bank and say, “Sorry, no mortgage payment this month, but would you like some conscience instead?” Or into Sainsbury’s and ask if the sausages that are 20% off with your Nectar card are actually 50% off if you have a Nectar card and a conscience.

Of course the OP must be struggling with the idea of keeping schtum when she is so close to the injured party’s sister. But this is her job. Don’t minimise how difficult this could be for her by airily boasting about your morals.

Chaiilatte · 02/10/2024 16:53

His poor wife. I think you should tell her, even if you give an anonymous letter.

smallsilvercloud · 02/10/2024 17:01

I would wait until you've moved jobs then tell your friend

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/10/2024 17:18

ABirdsEyeView · 02/10/2024 15:32

Edited

Came to say this. Let him know you know his wife. It might spook him enough to knock it on the head. I realise it's a very difficult situation for you but I'd want to tell his wife. I wish somebody had told me. It's horrible when you realise everybody knows your husband is a serial shagger. I'm really sorry you're in this situation and I hope you find a solution.

eurochick · 02/10/2024 17:23

Tell the wife anonymously. Other than that, stay well out of it.

MushMonster · 02/10/2024 17:35

Go and have a chat with him. Next time you are around the coffee area or something like this, just comment "oh! I think I know your wife! Such and such is my best friend, we went to .... together or wherever place you met her. Send her my regards! I must call on her soon!"
Now, Mr Pathetic will know that he seriously risks to be found out, so he will behave. Hopefully....
Otherwise, if this carries on, you may either have to tell the wife, or be accused of knowing and doing nothing when she finds out. Sad.

Tbry24 · 02/10/2024 18:00

I have history with a similar situation. My DF was the cheat and I worked at the same company. Every person knew apart from me, it had been going on for years since I was a child, and when it all came out the worst bit by far (and still effects me) is that no one told me even though they knew. One of my colleagues sons told me years later after his mother died that she always regretted not telling me and specifically covering so I’d not know as it was such an awful thing to do to me and my mum of course.

So in all circumstances I would always tell the wife or husband who is being cheated on it’s the right thing to do. They will probably never speak to you again but they know and that’s the main thing.

And btw no he’s not a lovely man he’s having an affair, his poor wife and children.

Cluckycluck · 02/10/2024 18:07

Tell his wife.

My husband had an affair at work. Everyone knew. These were people who I liked and extended kindness to. People who came to my house, knew my DD, bought her presents and played with her when she went into the work place. His friends knew. Everyone but me and not a single person said anything.

I am over the affair (as much as someone can be) but the thing that lingers is a complete distrust of everyone. I can't see that ever changing. I wish someone had the courage to tell me about it.

DaemonMoon · 02/10/2024 18:09

Please don't allow another woman to be played for a fool. Tell your friend. Plain facts. If you are unsure, tell her. People too easily turn a blind eye. Don't be that person. Be better than those people. And sorry, it is hard.

Skyrainlight · 02/10/2024 19:24

I think people have a right to know, I'd leave it a while after the last sighting and then I would post the wife an anonyms letter. The wife can then choose to ignore it or not.

Christwosheds · 02/10/2024 19:32

I would tell my best friend. I would be so hurt if a very close friend of mine knew this about my sibling and didn’t tell me.

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