Co-habiting seperation and house sale...am I just being resentful?

[Shoulditbe]

Hi all, I am desperately reaching out for some advice. I will try to keep it short, my partner and I have lived together for 5 years, we move LA and looked for a family home together, she paid the deposit and mortgage in her name as i was not in a position to. I have 4 children she has non, 3 lived with us. We renovated the home as intended, she paid for large expense ie. kitchen, bathroom and I smaller electrics, plastering, painting etc but all of the internal fixtures and fittings etc. We split bills 50/50 and mortgage. I have a disability and was unwell at some periods and for a few months did not contribute to home. She paid for nothing towards the children and not involved in any parenting (her choice), school runs etc.
Due to challenges we decided to seperate living, I have had to seek support from council as could not get rental deposite despite having a good income. I have had to set up this home from scratch. Partner is selling the home and buying smaller home as this was our family home. However does not want to give me anything/ very little from the home. Intends to take deposit put in (fair), and 11k she says kitchen cost and 6k bathroom (these were not soley her costs), then split the remainder which is about 5k each however says I owe her that for money borrowed, missed bills payments etc.

It feels really heavy and unfair that I am being left with nothing and maybe I am just resenting her being able to sort herself out. Yes she is better off than me financially as I have been a single parent to 4 children, I have not been able to access any help due to being a houshold income. Legally I don't think I have a leg to stand on but I have put thousands into the house which I can evidence. It feels so unfair but I can't even think what I would think is fair. Perhaps her to take the deposit and cost of kitchen units etc then split the remainder. I feel I have lost so much already and just feel so sad this is happening and she cannot see how I feel.
Any thoughts or advice be really great.x

I'm afraid your judgement is wrong.

However my point being she knew I had children they didn't just appear. That was her choice.

Yes, but she put 100% of the deposit down and you never registered or had any kind of financial interest in the property, and she has also been subsiding you and your children for the years in this house, hence you are entitled to £0.

She has told you what she plans to give you, you can either accept that or not, but she’s not wrong.

Knowing you had children does not = her having to pay for those children for the rest of her life OP.

Your children have 2 parents who should be funding their lives, she is not one of them.

No I don't think you will be entitled to much from this house. You aren't in a good position and I sympathise. But you haven't contributed a lot financially and have lived rent free.

How have I lived rent free and not contributed?

My children do not have 2 parents! I really don't think people should comment on assumptions not facts as your comments are then pointless.

How would she be paying for them the rest of her life, how has she paid for them? She hasn't! Yes towards bills and rent.

If you are still together, just not living together why does the money need to be split? Why can’t the proceeds be just “family money”?

It all seems a very odd set up and I feel very sorry for the poor kids.

Yes i think this may be the best way to think about it. It's hard as its not all been written down on my side it's a case of how we lived and did things as we went it's only now its being brought to light due to this change. So I need to perhaps look at all of that and bring it together as a whole and we can go by that. Ultimately it's whatever we decide is best

Why do you are my kids "feel sorry for my poor kids"? Very odd comment to make. My kids did not want to live with her as they felt she was lazy and contributed nothing when I was doing everything and this upset them and caused them to resent her especially as I had been ill. There is nothing to feel sorry about I did what made them happier

I can see how you want this to go, however as PP have stated, without any legal interest in the property, you won't have a leg to stand on.

I could be wrong, but I believe it is seen as you paying into the household but also gaining the benefit of said house improvements.
For example, if a adult DC live at the parents home and they decide they want to add a conservatory and DC will pay for it, that money is not automatically paid back to the DC when the house is sold upon death of parents. Legally, it is seen as the DC also enjoying the benefits of it. The way around this would be to 'loan' the money to the legal owners so that the original 'debt' can be repaid back to the DC when the asset is sold. There also needs to be a solid paper trail of this so the monies can be repaid and 'debts' cleared before the funds being redistributed. Perhaps this is what should have happened in your case, but obviously hindsight etc.

Sorry OP I can't see any how your situation would work in your favour in the eyes of the law (legally or morally). She has clearly been smart enough to protect her own interests, just like perhaps you should especially with 4 children depending on you. Good luck

Unless your kids were a result of an immaculate conception then yes they do have 2 parents, they may live with only 1, but the other should still be paying CMS for them.

She bought a MUCH bigger house that she needed due to your kids, she paid 50% of the bills which were heightened by your kids, and if you had stayed living there she would have continued to do that until such point as they moved out. So yes, she has been paying for your kids. She’s been paying a mortgage for a big house that as a single person she didn’t need, been paying more money in utilities for a larger household due to your kids living there and you only paying 50%, you cannot claim she hasn’t been subsiding you & your kids when she’s paid 50% of bills.

Legally, your ex solely owns the house, you aren’t married and have no shared children.
The legal costs of pursuing a financial pay off, even when you can prove a contribution are unlikely to be worth it. You’ll spend more than that in solicitors fees. How much money did you spend on the house in total vs your partner. Paying for holidays/ days out etc doesn’t come in to it really. Partner having more disposable income is also not relevant in your situation. How much is your partner offering you?

What a ridiculous comment 🙄 you do know that children can have just one parent!!!! Children that are result of IVF, adoption etc you can have one parent! Seriously are you OK or are you stuck in the 1800s?
She wanted us to live together in a bigger house and relocate to her home town near her family 4 hours away from where we did live! She was not forced!!

Yes I see your point and absolutely agree.
It was not a case of legal really but more how to navigate such ideas/ proposals.

We are still together. Nothing. It's just about what I put in on renovations etc in a house we chose, planned together as a family home except plans changed and yes she paid the deposit etc. I've put in about 14k on renovations

Yes there are instances like that, however you’ve already mentioned previously about a child having “no contact” with her father, just having no contact doesn’t mean no maintenance payable?

The point remains though that she is not a parent of any of your children, but has been subsidising their lives for years in bills and mortgage payments.

The situation you are in now is what it is, take whatever she is offering as you have no legal right to anymore and decide how you feel about moving forward from there.

Where is the father of the children?

Does he pay child maintenance towards them?

3 of my children I am a sole parent of. My eldest child unfortunately he does not he owes me 7k and is being persued by child maintenance but unfortunately self employed people can avoid if they desire. He has no contact

I don't quite understand why in a relationship this is quite so hard. Surely she loves you, wants to be in a relationship with you and wants to see that you are ok? But really she wants money for 2 months when you couldn't work due to serious illness but couldn't claim benefits due to her income. My DP ex cheated on him and was generally totally awful but he still treated her very fairly in adding up all finances and different contributions and making sure it was all fair between them even though he actually never wanted to speak to her again and he could have easily kept a load of money and not bothered with the details. Why can't you both just make a spreadsheet of contributions and work this out?

You have no substantial legal right to anything, I'm afraid, other than perhaps a share of the moveable goods you paid for together, and, after a court case possibly a proportion of renovations. You owe her a lot of money, which she quite reasonably wants repaid.

Name a figure you think she will accept and ask for that.

So £14k over 5 years. £2,800 a year.

You could calmly ask her for that back, documenting reasonable expenses invested in the house. Perhaps her goodwill stretches that far, but legally and morally she owes you nothing.

How much did your partner pay for renovations? You’ve said she paid for the big expenses kitchen/ bathroom etc so presumably more? How much equity has the house gained from the work that has been done?

Does seem like house has lost money (£4k) though. You put in £14k. She put in £11k kitchen and £6k bathroom totalling £17k. There is £27k to split - she wants her £17k and then £5k each. Are you paying share of estate agent fees etc?

Sorry I think you've done really well out of this. She doesn't owe you anything.

You've been splitting bills when you should have been covering 4/5. She had all the major expenses and covered a deposit on a much larger house to accommodate all of your kids.

I reckon you'd be thousands worse off if you'd have been renting the last few years and been living in much worse accommodation. Doesn't sound like you'd have bought anywhere yourself as you didn't put any large sums into the house and can't even get a rental deposit together now.

£14k over 5years is probably Peanuts compared to her- yours sound like maintenance cost too. 4 kids probably took their toll on the house- much higher wear and tear than just 1 single adult.

14 k is renovations only. That is alot and I wouldn't have put that into a rental. I didn't have rental deposit as I was putting it all into this house.
The major expenses such as deposit yes and she will have that back absolutely not disputed.
We brought a house to rennovate so no I would have been better off in a rental and it would have cost me less. She lived with me for 18 months prior to us moving to that house and she paid nothing no bills food rent etc. I see that as being a relationship and supporting each other.