Partner of 5 years still lives with parents

[Yummybanana]

As the title says.. we have a child together but still lives with his parents he wants sex then burgers off home I feel used and cheap. He says I need to be patient until he has sorted out his debts and gets agressive and argumentative.. when I confront him about this, but its wearing thin now ive had enough of the whole shitty non existing relationship. I dont know why I'm writing the post or what I want just to vent!! When we first got together I noticed he was slightly controlling and also his mum used to nit pick after I had our child. So we dont see eachother or talk anymore. The whole thing is getting worse I dont see him for days now and he says I'm horrible to him and he wants to take things slow with me. The whole situation is shit!!

If he's not living with you then it's easy- just end the relationship.

Does he pay for his child? Does he care for his child at all? I'd go through CMS and be done with him.

@NerrSnerr thanks for your reply yes he does pay through cms.

What an appalling individual.

You are an unpaid nanny and sex slave. Whilst he goes home for his mummy to look after him.

I can't understand what is in this for you. Bin immediately.

I'm guessing he doesn't lift a finger around the home or with your child. Why are you in this relationship OP?

Nope he never lifts a finger, his mummy washes his clothes ect.. so he's generally very lazy, I dont know why I give in to be honest. But now ive had enough he gets nasty like I said when I pick him up on stepping up ect. And I dont want an aggressive partner anymore. We have bad history nothing good all bad.

He is 35, and its like he has no drive nothing

Oh and he likes to put me down saying no man would ever want to be with me anyway, as I'm so horrible to him. When I say he should be stepping up am I wrong?

No you're not wrong, I'm guessing you've held on because you expected him to change. He's eroded your self esteem and confidence.

You need to end the relationship. Look into the Freedom Programme to get an idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

You are wrong to have put up with this for 5 years.

Do you want your child to grow up thinking this is how a man (their father) should treat a woman (their mother)? If you don't respect yourself enough to leave this useless man, at least respect your child enough to set them a healthy example.

You are in an excellent position, you aren't dependent on him and he doesn't live in your house. Throw out the trash.

Bin him.

You had to go through CMS with your current partner?! Wow. Throw him back and when ready, find a man not a boy.

We have bad history nothing good all bad.

Just dump him without one moment of thought. You'll have a awful enough time raising your kid with an aggressive failure of a man, no need to analyse him. Contact him only via a parenting app.

I will take up the freedom programme. I will make this permanent change today ive just had enough.

Come on now. You deserve better than this.

Another thing is when he is getting argumentative my child whacks me!

I know deep down I do.

You're not wrong, and you need to end this relationship.

If he's aggressive, it has to end, regardless of all the other things you mentioned in your post.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. But what would you advise your daughter if she had a BF like this?

Come on, darling.
We're all behind you.
Just end it. You deserve to be happy.

Imagine you get what you want and he moves in with you.

You now have someone who is only interested in you for sex, is controlling, argumentative and generally unpleasant. AND you’ll have to deal with ‘mummy’ too…

Do you really want him? Why would you even consider it?

The only thing that will change is the sex. And somehow I suspect he isn’t even great.

he wants to take things slow with you! He's had a baby with you for fk sake. This isn't right and you know that. How will things change for you when you end it? You already get CMS, you already don't live together. It'll be straightforward for him to arrange to take the baby for his time with him. I know it's going to be tough in the short term, but it'll be worth it.

I would say leave and never go back. I think its because I'm scared of being alone. But I know its the right thing to do. Last year things got bad and ive taken him back again and nothing changes I'm really sick of it, and he turns it around on me saying I'm inpatient and horrible to him but I'm not im just feeling how any other woman would feel. Ive never met a man that has truly loved me or respected me.

Ew he's gross. The only thing he doesn't get from mummy is sex, so he comes to you for that and boosts his ego by making you feel shit.

You can either learn to iron his pants and cook his bangers and mash just like mummy does it so he'll finally live with you, or you can have some self respect and tell him to fuck off out of your life.

Your child shouldn't learn it's ok for you to be treated that way.

You should not be scared of being alone, sorry you feel this way.

Because you don’t love or respect yourself. You need to step up for yourself, when you love and respect yourself you don’t settle for mediocre/shit behaviour from men.

How the fuck does he know how a woman would feel?

If you're horrible (you're not, but going with it) why does he want to be with you? He can't have it both ways.

Abusive people make partners think they're awful and the abusive partner is the only one who would bear to be with them - so you're stuck feeling both terrible about yourself and as if you have no options because no one else would ever love you. This gives the abuser power over you.

Work through the freedom programme, it should help you to understand what's happened here and know how to identify someone who is good for you rather than abusive. But you don't need a man in your life in order to be happy, don't tie up your self worth to a man like that. Your first goal should be to feel ok just as you are, without being in a relationship.