Partner of 5 years still lives with parents

[Yummybanana]

As the title says.. we have a child together but still lives with his parents he wants sex then burgers off home I feel used and cheap. He says I need to be patient until he has sorted out his debts and gets agressive and argumentative.. when I confront him about this, but its wearing thin now ive had enough of the whole shitty non existing relationship. I dont know why I'm writing the post or what I want just to vent!! When we first got together I noticed he was slightly controlling and also his mum used to nit pick after I had our child. So we dont see eachother or talk anymore. The whole thing is getting worse I dont see him for days now and he says I'm horrible to him and he wants to take things slow with me. The whole situation is shit!!

Ahh OP he's not taking it slow he's using you for sex and you know it. He likes living with mummy. You don't want a controlling user like this. Work on your self esteem, end it with him and build a happier life for yourself and DC. Then when you're ready look for someone who is actually nice to you. Even if it's just a fuck buddy relationship he should still be being nice to you and speaking to you respectfully. Don't put up with such bad treatment OP and hold out for a proper relationship if that's what you want, don't settle for a fuck buddy that leaves you feeling used because it's not what you want.

Your DC is being shown how to treat you. I've seen similar before. You need to nip this in the bud showing DC this isn't how to treat others and to walk away from people if they treat you this way, lead by example by walking away from this useless excuse for a man. DC will also be picking up on the atmosphere and getting distressed by it. Domestic abuse isn't a healthy environment for DC.

I had a long abusive relationship I agree getting out is the best thing. Make a plan for when you feel lonely so you're not tempted to call him. An activity that comforts you. Do that instead.

No! You are absolutely not wrong and he's a manipulative, emotionally abusive shitheel. They say things like that to try to scare you into putting up with them.

So he's never had a sleepless night looking after his child? He's not bothered to get himself out of debt after 5 years even though he has no rent or mortgage? Is this a joke?

Someone said this to me. I'm engaged have a house and a baby now. Fuck him and his mum you don't need them.

Why didn't he give you money?

Why did he say when CMS contacted him?

I wish women would raise the bar with who they decide to procreate with.

you knew he lived at home before you had a child with him.

you knew he was lazy.

he hasn’t magically become this person since your child was born.

You're already alone but carrying a dead weight too. So you can instantly improve your situation. How would you like your life to be? Make a plan and go for it!

I'm already making plans, being on my own and concentrating on myself first and of course my little one. I know he is a waste of space loser ive made the change yesterday.

Yes I know and I'm an idiot falling in this again ive beat myself up about it ( 10 year awful relationship before him) Thought why did I go with him? Because he was charming he didnt tell me he lived with his mum at the start it kind of came out months later I can't change it now I just have to move forward, take up the freedom programme and stay on my own for as long as it takes as my standards of another man would need to be high as I'm not going to fall for another low life again.

He never gave me money until I had to contact cms, his excuse was being in debt which is a load of bullshit. He wasn't very happy with cms he said I'm no better than his friends ex!

Its a complete joke his mum doesn't even make him pay for anything he gets a free living. And no he's never had a sleepless night. I did all the night feeds alone staying up all night when he's ill, alone. He has never been around he goes back to his mums sounds terrible I know.

I'm not tempted at all to contact him. I feel more ready than ever to ditch him.

That's hard to read as I know your right with children witnessing abuse, I want to protect my child as much as I can. I'm never going back with him ive made my mind up completely.

Do you think if you broke things off he would never see his kid?

Would he have the kid on weekends? Could he manage?

Is this why you stay with him? I can't blame you if it is.

He already has our child at weekends that has been happening for the last 8 months. It seems to be going well that way.

What?? So you are in a relationship but he has the kid all weekend? At his parents house?

Yes that's right, its mental. And he uses me for sex. And drops me again and goes back to his mums.

I don't think he's your partner

You say you don’t want to be alone, but actually you are alone because he is not being a partner to you in any way.

It’s quite shocking you get your child maintenance through CMS, he doesn’t give it to you willingly!

At 35 he has not taken the responsibility to provide a home for his own child, yet he lives with his own parents! Such irony!

I think you will feel much better without him. He adds nothing to your life and much better to be in no relationship than be alone in a bad relationship. I think life will be a lot calmer without him in your life - just be transactional where your child is concerned.

you know you deserve better

When I left my abusive ex the biggest thing that helped me get over him was the lightbulb moment when I realised he wasn't capable of being the man I wanted him to be. It didn't matter how much I wanted it, what I did, or even how much happier he'd actually be if he changed, he simply wasn't capable of it. Therefore it was completely wasted energy to try. With that comes grief as you have to let go of the future you hoped you'd have and it's like a bereavement of sorts. However, once you realise you're chasing a complete and utter fantasy it's easier to let go. Good luck.

His primary attachment is to his mother, you are merely his bit on the side.

What does he mean he wants to take things slow? That ship sailed when you had a child together. So you are basically a single parent and he just shows up when he wants a what then pisses off home to mummy while you do all the shit work. Fuck that got a game of soldiers.

Please tell me he’s supporting your child.

You are right, he's gaslighting you, you are expecting him to man up and grow up so don't believe his lies about you being unworthy and drop him he's a rotten scoundrel.