Partner of 5 years still lives with parents

[Yummybanana]

As the title says.. we have a child together but still lives with his parents he wants sex then burgers off home I feel used and cheap. He says I need to be patient until he has sorted out his debts and gets agressive and argumentative.. when I confront him about this, but its wearing thin now ive had enough of the whole shitty non existing relationship. I dont know why I'm writing the post or what I want just to vent!! When we first got together I noticed he was slightly controlling and also his mum used to nit pick after I had our child. So we dont see eachother or talk anymore. The whole thing is getting worse I dont see him for days now and he says I'm horrible to him and he wants to take things slow with me. The whole situation is shit!!

I know right! He's ridiculous, I'm going to carry on with my life without him concentrate on myself. Stay strong and stick to it plan things on my own. Just need time to heal.

When your partner gets argumentative, you mean?

What do you think is going through your child's head when that happens?

I've never met a man that has truly loved me or respected me

I'm really sorry to read that.

Other people have recommended the Freedom Programme, and I think you do need to do it.

You'll get some insight into why you always end up with dodgy, unpleasant men.

What was your parents' relationship like when you were growing up? Did you see many good, respectful partnerships within your family?

He sounds awful OP. I know you realise it now, but this relationship was never the best foundation to have a child together, as he’s a lazy man child. He won’t change. He should be excited and want to live with his little family. But he’s non committal and aggressive, get him in the bin! You sound lovely, you can do soooo much better, so do not believe his comments about you. Be strong and ditch him and make sure he keeps paying for your child.

You need to do this OP soon, be strong!!!!

That is what they all say it is classic abuse.
Just stop engaging except for your child to visit with him
There is nothing to gain from continuing in arelationship with him

Then why on earth make this person be a parent to your child?

My father died when I was 5 my mum never had good relationships, she had two bad relationships after my dad. But the man she is with now is lovely they have been together 22 years he loves her respects her. And I get on really well with him. Looking at my mums partner that's the way I would love to be treated.

I was vulnerable at the time I came out of a nightmare 10 year relationship.

Get rid of him. He’ll never change. He has two women at his beck and call - Mummy for washing and tidying and telling him how wonderful he is, and you for sex.

Dump him! It will feel strange to start with but it’s a million times better being without a partner than being with someone like this! You’ll realise that as time goes by. Value yourself and thereby teach your child to value themselves too.

I had a terrible 10 year relationship, too.
It took me ages to get away from him. We had two children, and I kept leaving him and then going back.

But eventually I managed to get away.

@Yummybanana I know it's scary to be alone, but this man is just using you for a bit of sex (which I'm sure you don't enjoy) and is showing utter contempt towards you.

Don't let him come round anymore. You're lucky that he lives with his mum. At least you won't have to chuck him out on to the street.

If you would like a man to respect you, learn to respect yourself.

After three years, I met my husband and we've been married for 25 years. He's been a good, kind husband and stepfather.

You'll meet someone better than your current boyfriend, too. But you must get rid of him!

If he's ever, ever 'aggressive' or 'controlling' then you should never live with him. Abuse is never OK.

You've actually had a lucky escape, grab it with both hands and run!

Just because he's your kids dad, doesn't mean you have to be together.

I'd only ever meet him in public with the child in future. Chances are he will be disinterested. But that's a good thing as the less time pricks like him are around kids, the better.

Set a healthy example for your child - we do not stay with abusive partners. We love and resoect ourselves.

I can’t think of a bigger turn off. What a drip.

Every time he left I’d be tempted to say ‘Careful it’s nearly 7pm, Mummy will be needing to tuck you in soon.’

He isn't your partner he is merely the father of your child. Be happy you are not tied to this mummy's boy he sounds useless. Cut him loose and live a happier life without him.

Ps: be prepared for him to suddenly want to live with you when you end it

'No' is a complete response.

Abuse gets worse when they move in.
Keep your space safe for you and your baby.

Also, everything else asside, never live with a man until he has lived separately from his parents for at least a year (ideally 2) and you can see he consistently keeps his home clean and pays his bills. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to be his second mummy.

I'm grabbing it by the hands now taking all the advice on here. As I know deep down he's a useless

I Pm you

He isn't your partner, he's barely even your boyfriend, at best he's a friend with benefits but it sounds like that's for his benefit not yours and tbh I hear from my friends more than you hear from him! Ditch him.

Sex must be awkward with that cord still on..

He's a waster and a loser. I would cut him out of my life and move away from the area.

😂 he's tied to mummy's apron strings, his mum is awful to she treated me like dirt after I had our child.

Sorry only just seen this.. yes when my partner gets argumentative, my toddler get stressed and whacks me! And I'm not even arguing back I'm just letting it go over my head as I hate to argue around kids.

Your child is already learning that its safe to take out frustration on you. Seeing their father abuse you gives them the green light.

Also, They may think that if they are aggressive to you, it puts them on 'daddy's side' therefore they will be safe from his aggression. It's common for children to side with the aggressor due to fear.

Removing yourself from the situation means that the child will no longer see these dynamics play out. They will not feel they have to take sides.

Of course the abuser may still play them off against you. But in keeping your home as a safe space, the child has a completely safe place to be some of the time. And in walking away from your abuser, you show that we do not stay with partners who bully us.

It's good that there is also distance between you and his family if they are toxic too.

You've got this - cut him out- find yourself- live a happy life x

You need to end this. He's an abusive, inadequate man-child. No man is better than this one. Also, your child is watching him abuse you and is reacting badly, meaning that witnessing this is doing your child real psychological harm. You need to do what's best for your child and not let them witness abuse. Children in abusive homes become abusers or abusees at very high rates--don't do that to your child. You must end this destructive relationship today.