Partner of 5 years still lives with parents

[Yummybanana]

As the title says.. we have a child together but still lives with his parents he wants sex then burgers off home I feel used and cheap. He says I need to be patient until he has sorted out his debts and gets agressive and argumentative.. when I confront him about this, but its wearing thin now ive had enough of the whole shitty non existing relationship. I dont know why I'm writing the post or what I want just to vent!! When we first got together I noticed he was slightly controlling and also his mum used to nit pick after I had our child. So we dont see eachother or talk anymore. The whole thing is getting worse I dont see him for days now and he says I'm horrible to him and he wants to take things slow with me. The whole situation is shit!!

You're already alone. He's not a co-parent, he's not a real partner, you're not in this together.

So you're essentially living as a seperated couple with him having DC on weekends. This really isn't a relationship OP, let alone a family. i hope it's every other weekend, not every weekend, that's not a precedent you want to set, him getting all the quality time and none of the weekday grind.

I know

It is every weekend

You need to make that more balanced quickly. He could do the weekend one week amd one or two weeknights the next week, you don't want to be having no weekend time once your DC is school age.

Unfortunately many people leave one abusive relationship and fall into another because the next guy seems 'completely different' to the one before. Eg: he acts really loving...in the beginning. And after being starved of that, it's easy to fall for.

And they ignore red flags because they so desperately want it to work.

When your ex says no-one else would have you, he's actually telling you that's what he's afraid of for himself. Because he's horrible and deep down he knows it. So he has to ruin your self esteem to get you to stay.

A sad little bully.
Who will never be anything but.

But what you are capable of is endless, you can have the love he never will. For yourself. For your child. And from another person one day, who you will love back. You win in the end. Hell spend his whole life trying to make other people small. And being left by them when they realise what he is. You, get to go forth and shine.

Swap sex with him for CMS from him. It seems fairly simple really!

Your DC deserves more. You don't want to watch your DC behaving this way to a girlfriend in 20 years time, right?

And you say 'uses me for sex' as if he was borrowing a car or sitting on a sofa. You have a choice in it. Do you want or enjoy sex with him? You know he could want to have sex with you but not get it, right?

I totally agree I have mentioned this numerous times and he gets nasty and argues and threats to take me to court.

I'm stopping having sex with him as it is like borrowing something I feel used. Absolutely not do I want my son acting like him at 35 I would be disgusted.

Take things slow to get back into a relationship but no commitment strange as f*ck

Oh and I told him I feel he is using me for sex and he says "well I can't help the way you feel" I dont particularly enjoy it anyway I can think of better things to do.

At least you know his sperm works

How have you been together 5 YEARS and had a child and he still doesn't live with you or support you or your child!? That's a very long time for you to still be calling him your partner.

OK dont know what your getting at?

I know i will call him ex from now!

He's too tight to take you to court! But even so, let him if he does want to! You can represent yourself it doesn't have to cost you loads. The court isn't going to give him every weekend. You're not a Monday-Friday nanny for his child who he gets to have fun with on weekends. Stand up to him, nothing much will happen except he'll try being even more abusive to bully you into getting his own way because he knows that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on. The pair of you have never even been in a proper relationship. He's a fuck buddy that's all, he's never even stayed overnight once! Never mind lived with you and his child. He doesn't want (and isn't likely to be given, even if he did) 50/50 access.

You've never been in a relationship with him though so there's nothing to get back to! It's only ever been sex. Maybe a few dates in the beginning when he was on his best behaviour and love-bombing you? Take it slow, my arse. He's just stringing you along, for 5yrs. You poor thing. He's the horrible one.
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When he starts arguments you don't have to have them, you know that, right? You can walk away, literally. Or hang up the phone. I'd actually stop access and let him go to court for it because that way if he doesn't return the child at the end of his access you can involve the police. As it currently stands, with no court order he could just keep your son and you'd have to be the one to start court proceedings so you could get access.

I totally agree with you, I will mention this via txt to him before tomorrow when he expects to have him. I know that the courts shouldn't see me as being unfair either as I'm letting him see him regularly anyway. They will probably think well whats the problem your very lucky to be seeing him regularly.

He did love bomb me on the 3rd date he brought me clothes and flowers. I didnt even want the clothes not the sort of things I would wear. Your absolutely right that's how I feel he has been stringing me along for 5 years. I remember one Christmas I went to his mums for dinner with his family and they all looked at me and said "so what did he get you"? I said "nothing" I have never felt so embarrassed and humiliated.

He’s thirty-fucking-five and his mummy still washes his dirty pants?! My god, he’s a grade A loser, absolute waste of space. I’m glad you’re splitting with him and maybe look into some therapy? I’m guessing you didn’t have the best example growing up but you deserve so, so much better than this, you just need to believe it. He’s also got an absolute nerve to suggest you couldn’t do better, does he think women are falling over themselves to bag an angry 35 year old lazy mummy’s boy, with no life skills and an inability and unwillingness to be a good father for his child?! He’s deluded.

Oh and who would want a dyed in the wool mummies boy.
A phrase that I often see on here is ..my fanny clamped shut springs to mind and that's coming from a man.
Can't stand blokes who still gets mummy running after their arse.

Lol so what if he takes it to court. You can negotiate better days to see your child.

Just make sure you are working. Even if it's just part time hours. So he can't go 'she's free all week so she should have them those days'.

Considering the scumball seems to think he shouldn't pay for his own child, I highly doubt he'll be arsed with maintaing 50/50 custody if he gets it.

Being alone is great! Honestly, it’s the best ever, even with your child. Do it, don’t look back, you will soar!

It really gives me the ick seeing mummy running after him, never again! Good to see a man's point of view on this. My stepdad has said the same as everyone on here about him!

How are you getting on @Yummybanana?

I'm doing well and learning to set boundaries with him. Feeling stronger after taking advice on here.