The Script: what would you add!

[JFDIYOLO]

A trending thread follows a very familiar pattern here, of a seemingly happy marriage to a good man suddenly imploding with a shock announcement / discovery.

The middle aged man's script, as her doctor put it.

A poster suggested printing a tick list to bring to discussions with the errant / cheating / lying husband, to take control of the situation and demonstrate clearly that you know what he's up to, that he's following a time worn script.

So here's my take - what would you add?

🟩I'm not happy, haven't been for a long time

🟩You've let yourself go

🟩You're not the girl I married

🟩You went off sex after having my baby / children

🟩Your body changed after having my baby / children

🟩You've let the house go, it's a tip

🟩We have nothing in common

🟩There's nobody else

🟩All you ever think about is the kids, they take all your time and attention

🟩You expect me to share housework and childcare when I want to cycle / play golf / go to football (add/delete as appropriate)

🟩No, I said there's nobody else

🟩You're making it up / imagining things / crazy

🟩You know what you're like

🟩We don't need a solicitor, we can do it ourselves

🟩Well, you stayed at home doing nothing (creating and nurturing x human beings and our home doesn't count) and I paid the mortgage so you're not entitled to the house, or anything really

🟩We only met recently. After you and I split up. Honest.

🟩You're not getting your hands on the house / my income / my savings / my pension.

🟩I'm having 50/50 with the kids, which I absolutely understand will entail me learning how to look after them and will step up and do it all, yes, definitely.

🟩She's crazy, look what I had to put up with.

🟩You know that 50/50 I was suddenly so insistent on, well I can't have the kids / do the school run / take them to their appointment after all because (insert and delete as appropriate).

🟩Is it too late for us, please can I come back? Her kids are doing my head in.

🟩 Why not? Why would you break up our family?

I truly understand this. The amount of times I’ve had to hear from my ex and his mother about hes being more than fair as we have been able to stay in the family home is disgusting. Like the abuse and abandonment was nothing. Within weeks of him leaving he is in a relationship with the OW and his mother will do the school runs and pick ups for him.

He went from seeing them everyday to every other weekend and he will work on at least one of those days each time it’s his turn to have them so he never has to get them ready for school or any of the druggey and to the world looks like a fantastic Dad because he will take them out twice a month for the day. 🥴

It is unfair how some cheaters seem to just get away with it with no real consequences.

But life is long and I do honestly believe that what goes around does eventually come around.

Not worth waiting for it though, live your own best life in the meantime.

I was gaslighted so heavily during the breakup of a four year relationship that it took me two years to start to feel better. It is very very destructive and destabilising.

Lol! A big yes to the increased exercising, trying to lose weight and buying fucking moisturiser. Also new clothes. Sad, predictable twats.

I have never forgotten a poster on here who found out her dick of a H was having an affair; he had followed this tick list to the letter. She described how he’d bought himself some skinny jeans which “made him look like a planet on toothpicks” 🤣🤣🤣 that made me snort. Hope she’s thriving now x

I wonder why the whole work stress seems to be a thing?

Mine was incredibly stressed with work and then a month after he had disposed of me told me that magically all his work stress had disappeared?

I never did prove if he was cheating but he followed this script to the letter and it’s highly suspicious he met his new “tru luv” 3 months after the end of our long term relationship.

Oh yeah, she also works in the same hospital and is 18 years younger. Hmmmmmm.

Its all such a cliche

I had the work stress too but do you know what I think it often is.
In my case anyway it was the stress of living a double life and having another women.

He also within months got with her so it makes sense. She left her family he left his.

Buying a whole new set of socks and trendy underpants

The new woman is always, always younger.

My ex cheated but is now with a younger woman he didn't cheat with but met very quickly after we finally split.
I asked him early on if she knew his cheating history (which was baaad, I won't go into it here but he was a real bastard) and he said she knew "everything".

I often think of that and wonder what kind of woman she is to take on an older man (12 years) with such a very dodgy history. But guess he probably hasn't been that honest...

And my final ones for the list:

• becoming a vegan and giving up alchohol
• getting into yoga

They aren’t always younger mostly but not always. In my case she was twice my age but was very wealthy.

For men it will be for what they consider an upgrade that can be youth, wealth or to be honest often just someone who doesn’t know them yet and they consider to be easier. The new women doesn’t nag like us or want anything from them. 😂

@Mensuckbigtime
I will never forgive mine and have had no contact with him since I booted him out.
The divorce was years ago and I have absolutely no interest in him or his life and hardly ever think about him.
However I cannot ever forgive the lies and the cruel comments and the cowardice.

Lets not forget

The new sex positions.

Urgh. Makes me sick to even think back to it.

Mentionitis . It was Jayne this and Jayne that . His tone of voice told me he had feelings for her .

Error

What really broke me was that we had a good marriage until he got infatuated with her. He knew all of my fears and then became them. Even worse was that I was made homeless due to his parents owning the rather delapadated property we lived in. Mind you I emptied it when he was at work removing everything that I had paid for. It left him with literally a dining room table.

a planet on toothpicks!
Mine bought a range of walking gear. Apparently she was into walking! Also started wearing aftershave daily and changed his work wardrobe on dress down Fridays!

As mentioned before new socks and underwear particularly of the young trendy sort was a giveaway . Buying clothes that a younger guy would wear .

Not sure where this fits but mine said that there was no point talking about the end of our marriage.

He had an affair, went on for 15 months. Told me after they had sex at the 14 month mark. Ended it.
He hurt me again 8 years later, asked for a trial separation for me to think.
He decided we were done but didn't tell me until I said something a week later.
Apparently nothing to talk about. Bastard.

Awful, just awful
Bustard indeed

Thanks @Mensuckbigtime You are one of the very very few people to validate me that he was a shit and you don't even know the awful stuff he said. So thank you.

You are very welcome! He sounds awful

How did people react to his behaviour towards you?

Affairs and relationship/,marriage break ups are so layered- not only do you lose yourself , your partner, your children to some extent if they see their other parent, your extended family, mutual friends

It's just awful all around.

I so wish Karma existed

He is awful.

No one said anything. It really made me doubt myself which pissed me off as what he said was cruel and unforgivable. I decided that actually I didn't need anyone else's permission to leave and actually maybe they didn't have the emotional intelligence to understand why it was so awful.

I don't have any family so his were important and I haven't heard from anyone except one person. So disappointing.

@Honeytutu it was the mentionitis plus the tone of voice and soppy expression here, too ...

My Ex H was the piece of shit that gifted her for Christmas a calligraphy copy of our Wedding Poem Scaffolding by Seamus Heaney. He was as thick as but thought as they both worked in the construction team that it would make him sound romantic.
He ordered it from his work email and had it delivered to his parents house. What a vile thing to do?

FFS, sis he have no shame.

Mine spent Christmas at OWs house (before I knew), made dinner for her and brought the leftovers home and watched me eat it.

Once I found out, I felt so nauseated to have eaten the food he had made for his mistress whilst I was spending Xmas with our DC after he separated and swore noone else was involved...

Bustards the lot!

Did we get it so wrong or did the change or what?