The Script: what would you add!

[JFDIYOLO]

A trending thread follows a very familiar pattern here, of a seemingly happy marriage to a good man suddenly imploding with a shock announcement / discovery.

The middle aged man's script, as her doctor put it.

A poster suggested printing a tick list to bring to discussions with the errant / cheating / lying husband, to take control of the situation and demonstrate clearly that you know what he's up to, that he's following a time worn script.

So here's my take - what would you add?

🟩I'm not happy, haven't been for a long time

🟩You've let yourself go

🟩You're not the girl I married

🟩You went off sex after having my baby / children

🟩Your body changed after having my baby / children

🟩You've let the house go, it's a tip

🟩We have nothing in common

🟩There's nobody else

🟩All you ever think about is the kids, they take all your time and attention

🟩You expect me to share housework and childcare when I want to cycle / play golf / go to football (add/delete as appropriate)

🟩No, I said there's nobody else

🟩You're making it up / imagining things / crazy

🟩You know what you're like

🟩We don't need a solicitor, we can do it ourselves

🟩Well, you stayed at home doing nothing (creating and nurturing x human beings and our home doesn't count) and I paid the mortgage so you're not entitled to the house, or anything really

🟩We only met recently. After you and I split up. Honest.

🟩You're not getting your hands on the house / my income / my savings / my pension.

🟩I'm having 50/50 with the kids, which I absolutely understand will entail me learning how to look after them and will step up and do it all, yes, definitely.

🟩She's crazy, look what I had to put up with.

🟩You know that 50/50 I was suddenly so insistent on, well I can't have the kids / do the school run / take them to their appointment after all because (insert and delete as appropriate).

🟩Is it too late for us, please can I come back? Her kids are doing my head in.

🟩 Why not? Why would you break up our family?

‘I didn’t have feelings for her. I love you’

I don't remember.

“I have a right to be happy” whilst I agree with this to a point, when you ask about YOUR right to be happy, how they have considered that in the shitty things they’ve done, you get a blank look. It didn’t occur to them…..

It just happened.

You weren’t there for me when (insert anything but don’t compare with scenarios when you needed support and got a fuck ton less).

They really are a pathetic excuse for Human beings not really an original thought amongst them.
Bits of the tick list are funny, others really sad.
Be good if the tick list was admissable in court.

• We wouldn’t be together if we didnt have kids
• I’ve got to do what is best for me
• If you make it difficult for me, I won’t support you
• You don't need a solicitor, we can do it ourselves to save money*

If he says * smile sweetly, and say ok, let him think he's ahead then find a kick ass solicitor and file first.

I think we also need a list of retorts to the script.

This is a brilliant list! Thank you. I got:

• You never initiate sex
• We’ve never really had much to talk about

Oh and

• I don’t know why you’re getting so upset, you should be over it by now

Strangely followed by:

• You’re moving on too fast!

Why aren't you fighting harder to keep me?

She made all the running

Depressing until it.
It is Never Their Fault.

From my own back catalogue:

"You're controlling. You never let me do things with the kids."

From someone who was wrapped up in hobbies at the weekends and worked away several days a week & was basically never f**king there!
While I juggled everything kids-related obvs.

Haha, what a classic!!

I had to propose because it was just expected of me. I was forced into it

Perfect 😂😂

"You should have known I was unhappy, it was obvious"

Not being a mind reader was also one of my faults

Followed by "It's impossible to talk to you"
( so I had to go off and shag another woman)

Oh and

"I am being selfish now"

Yes to the "You should have known I was unhappy, it was obvious" line!
Sorry, I was deep in the trenches of child care - on my own, mate!

Oh God, I feel like I am playing "The Script Bingo"!

From ex-H

You're too independent - I want to feel needed

(From the man who brought me 'If it's not a 5 star hotel it's just not relaxing for me' and 'I can use our joint account for my sports car because it's transport! (but you can't buy shoes).

Well rid of him.

That one reminds me of another

" you should have known I wanted you to go to that rugby game with me"

I feel like we are on different teams

You're frigid.

I go too far because you never listen to me (whilst being mentally abusive towards me)

(Why do women choose the bear 🐻 I wonder?)

• Suggesting you're being controlling or telling him he can't have female friends (when you've 1. not said this and 2. never once had a single issue with any of his female friends before and didn't have an issue with this one until he started being weird about her).
Your 'control issues' will, of course, drive him into the arms of another woman. We all know which woman this will be.

• "I can't handle any more of your suspiciousness"

When they've only got one foot out of the door:
• Defensive overreactions when asked a simple question/showing their entire ass with their response. (Eg a woman you've never heard of comments on his social media in a way that suggests she knows him pretty well, you casually ask who she is assuming it's somebody from his past he's reconnected with: "Why are you monitoring me? Am I not allowed to make new friends!?")
• Giving way too much detail about where they've been and what they've been doing (like a throwaway comment on how they're back later than usual leads to a prolonged, weirdly accurate-to-the-minute explanation and justification of their every movement as though they're on trial for murder rather than just replying to a bland remark)
• Mentioning a woman, then quickly going into great detail on why he could never find her attractive, for no apparent reason.
Bloody idiots don't seem to realise that acting like this can be one of the first noticeable signs something's going on. A husband suddenly acting like he's constantly being cross-examined looks guilty as hell (and their attempts to redirect your attention usually signpost you to exactly where you should look 🙄)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who had "it's impossible to talk to you"
Well not glad that anyone has to go through this. But validated it was HIM that's the 'script cliche' and further evidence that I was not the problem.

“I felt lonely”
”You didn’t spend enough time with my family”
”We’re more like flatmates”
”I don’t know” (repeat ad nauseam)

and my personal favourite:

”Sidechick and I played mini golf together. You don’t like mini golf”.

I see, all is now clear.