Husband taking photos of me when I’m asleep!

[Par1sappartment]

Happened let me use his phone to take a landscape photo when we were out and about. He walked on and I thought I would have a look at the photos he had taken of us on holiday. Before I reached them however, I saw two pics, horrendous looking ones of me vulnerable and asleep with my mouth wide open. AIBU? Don’t think he should have done that as I feel he’s invaded my privacy.
Didn’t let on I’d seen them but sent them by email to myself then deleted them from his phone. What on earth was he going to do with them and why had he taken them?
Tonight, he nodded off beside me on the couch, so I held up my iPad and focussed it on his face but didn’t snap him. He opened his eyes and said, “Oh did you take my photo then?” I said, “No, I was just adjusting iPad and anyway it wouldn’t be right to take your photo without your permission while you were asleep would it?”
And he said, “Quite!”

How's the rest of your relationship OP?

When it comes to non-sexual photos like that, I'd still be concerned if your husband has a history of being snarky, spiteful, passive aggressive or resentful.

But even then, what appears to be a 'cute' photo to someone, is an embarrassing and bad photo to someone else. My friend's DH took a photo of her on the lawn, weeding the flowerbeds the other day, and said she looked 'cute' sitting with the cat.

She said she was scrunched up, bending over, and had no bra on, and she looked like a fat saggy pig. She didn't understand why her husband thought she looked 'cute' when she looked a hot mess (her words.) No make up, hair scruffy, no bra, hunched over, and a side pic (that's flatters very few people.)

Yet he thought it OK to take a photo of her (knowing she hates having her photos taken without her knowledge too.) Seemed a bit calculated, and smacked a bit of negging. Taking a photo of her at her worst, and saying he took it because she looked 'cute.' She demanded he deleted it immediately.

As I said, you don't do this to the people you claim to love and care for, when they have made it very clear that they do NOT want you to do it.

I’m guessing this is a joke? Hard to tell 😂

Mine does this!! R u mad!? U were snoring ur head off how weren’t u asleep !?

This is really odd. My husband has done this, mostly to prove I do indeed fall asleep in front on the telly! Or because he thinks I look cute. It's no big deal. What a strange reaction. Why do you have so little faith in your husband?

Are you this serious in all aspects of life OP? Maybe he was planning to have them printed on your birthday card or something as a joke. Crikey if you can’t laugh at yourself you have to expect other people to do it for you.

Yes to this.

I'd be looking at a separate bedroom for you with a lock on the door.

This is a violation of trust.

I remember once waking up and my partner at the time was taking a photo of me. He had pulled back the covers and I was naked. It was a very unflattering photo. I stated his phone and deleted it, but till this day I wonder if that photo is still in his storage or cloud or whatever. Violation!

This is horrendous and quite different to taking a photo of your partner catching flies while sleeping. I would have gone insane. What a gross invasion of privacy

It's not "a man" it's my husband. And I guess all the photos of my children when they were sleeping are also abusive and should be deleted - in fact why not any and all that were taken pre- them being able to consent?

And PS - I did clearly say in the post you responded to I would stop if he was uncomfortable with it, as would he, as normal adult human beings.

@DreamHolidays are you aware of the concept of having a laugh with your significant other?

Would I do this to a stranger who fell asleep on the train? No. Because that's a stranger, someone I don't know, and yes, I agree to do that to snigger at a stranger is mean.

But seriously, how po-faced are you that you're so uptight you can't have a laugh with your significant other about how he's managed to fall asleep with his arms crossed or I've somehow managed to starfish myself across the bed. I really don't know what you're imagining here. Like someone else said - in our relationship, it's fine. OP doesn't like it. But she hasn't even asked him about it.

My husband has loads of photos of me sleeping in his phone…half of them are hideous and the other half are of me and the kids if they come in for a snuggle and he has to get up for work. He often forgets to show me them and I come across them at a later date and I’ve done similar. Thats normal for our relationship and an open joke…has he taken them to have a laugh with you and then forgot or maybe changes his mind when in the light of day realises you might not find it that funny. Just trying to reassure you that this is pretty normal for a lot of relationships and not necessarily creepy or laughing at you with friends behind your back

OP doesn't like it. But she hasn't even asked him about it.

And the crux of the issue is that he never asked her about it and she would never have known about it if she hadn't found the photos herself.

So how are your feelings abut something you have clearly consented to in any way relevant here?

@Sunshinekid90 because it’s normal in your relationship doesn’t mean it’s normal
in MOST relationships

Because it’s normal in a lot of relationships doesn’t mean it’s not wo risk (same with naked pictures etc…)

Thats why it’s so important to get consent.

I took a picture of my mum the other night asleep cause the facial expressions she makes are so funny but I forgot to show her but I know she'll see the funny side cause she's done it to me too.

Personally I don't see anything untoward unless it was an intimate area he photographed.

I was more trying to point out it could be perfectly harmless and how others view it (and possibly her partner). They have never had the need to communicate about it till now and now she had expressed she isn’t happy with it then he should obviously respect that. But my point was more that it is very normal in a lot of relationships and his intentions may not have been bad as others have suggested and he’s just misjudged it. Apologies if she said they were naked photos at any point! I only saw comments about the catching flies ones. You’ve misunderstood my comment…i was replying to WHY he might have taken them not the moral issues of whether it’s ok. I wasn’t devaluing the importance of consent or discussing whether it is morally right or wrong what he has done, I was commenting on his intentions for taking the photos as she asked why he may do it and that’s been taken out of context and applied to a different element of the discussion

He might have thought you looked funny and taken them then forgotten he did it? I don't think a few pics on their own mean he has some sinister intention. I do think it's weirder that you can't just ask him about what you saw.

@Sunshinekid90 but his answer to having his picture taken was that it wasnt right to do that wo telling her.

If it was normal, a joke and innocent, why that reaction? If he didn’t know it is an issue with her, why immediately agreeing with her re needing consent?

He is saying one thing and doing the other.

He reflected on what he did once she expressed her feelings and agreed with her once he saw it from a different perspective? Isn’t that a good thing? No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and the fact he isn’t dismissing her feelings and acknowledging it wasn’t ok is reassuring. If he keeps doing it now he understands that she doesn’t consent to it, that’s a different matter.