Husband taking photos of me when I’m asleep!

[Par1sappartment]

Happened let me use his phone to take a landscape photo when we were out and about. He walked on and I thought I would have a look at the photos he had taken of us on holiday. Before I reached them however, I saw two pics, horrendous looking ones of me vulnerable and asleep with my mouth wide open. AIBU? Don’t think he should have done that as I feel he’s invaded my privacy.
Didn’t let on I’d seen them but sent them by email to myself then deleted them from his phone. What on earth was he going to do with them and why had he taken them?
Tonight, he nodded off beside me on the couch, so I held up my iPad and focussed it on his face but didn’t snap him. He opened his eyes and said, “Oh did you take my photo then?” I said, “No, I was just adjusting iPad and anyway it wouldn’t be right to take your photo without your permission while you were asleep would it?”
And he said, “Quite!”

Fiery30 · Today 22:07
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Why not ask him? I take sleeping pics of my mother as a joke and show her later. We've done the same as friends as well, especially if someone looks funny. So it really depends on why he has done so and what his goal is”

That would seriously piss me off. You don’t take photos of people who are unaware.

Exactly this. It’s so bizarre immediately jumping to “he’s a creep!” and “you need to divorce him”. Absolutely batshit!

What other things has he done?

It's a weird and creepy thing to do. I'd be worried he sent them to someone.

Well he would wouldn't he!

There's the person who he presents to the world, and the real him that's hidden.

Of course he'll feign disgust at the very thing he's doing on the sly!

DH and I do this all the time when one of us falls asleep on the lounge.

The difference is we text it to each other straight away so you get a laugh when you wake up.

It’s a big no here. My ex did it and I thought it was harmless, if annoying, until it was found he’d done it to my daughter with no innocent photos… he’s in jail now.
I would have no trust in someone that wants to take photos without the subjects knowledge or consent.

Silly pic for you both to laugh at, fine, but as you don't trust him and he has done some weird things in the past, it's very creepy.

This thread has killed me 🤣 I woke up this morning and was worried about my child self harming, financial worries and god I hate Mondays. All of which impacts my relationship but I must be doing something wrong if this is the bar for feeling violated…

My husband finds it funny taking photos of me asleep. Don’t get it but it’s one of the things I laugh at even though it’s not actually that funny because it makes him happy. A couple of weeks ago he took a photo of me on the train using my phone and changed it to my screensaver. This was as funny as it will probably ever get.

Leave. There’s more to this.

He's sent them to someone, so that they can have a laugh at your expense. Pull the thread...

This was my thinking too. Not sure why everyone is being so dramatic. Clearly @Par1sappartment has info she hasn’t shared that makes this alarming to her but not sure why others are so outraged.

Oh OP I unfortunately had a similar situation with my EH. I think as he’s invaded your privacy and then lied about it you have every right to thoroughly go through his phone and IPad including emails, social media profiles, browser history and deleted images etc. Mine did not turn out as I’d hoped- he had uploaded images of me sleeping to some dodgy websites where men share images of their partners/wives. It was supposed to be a positive thing and he tried to explain it as showing me off…. But my god it caused me a huge amount of trauma. This was 9 years ago and I still wake up screaming with night terrors thinking a man is standing over me. Obviously this is worst case scenario but if it was a joke… why wouldn’t he show you the next day?

You should tell your husband how you feel. Surely if you’ve been together for 20 years you can be open with each other. Ask him why he took them and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

My abusive ex you to take photos of me when I was asleep so he could show them to me to embarrass me and show me how ugly I was when he felt like it.
I understand why you are upset @Par1sappartment

Am I the only one who thinks this is a totally non-issue?

I've taken several photos of my husband asleep in unflattering positions as has he of me. Couldn't count the number of ones we have of the children asleep in some strange contorted position!

It would never cross either of our minds to send them on to anyone - we're in our 40s and it just doesn't cross our minds to do that? They're purely there so when they wake up you can show the other person and say "how can you sleep like that?!" and have a laugh. Or - on the flip side - how cute said person looks while they're sleeping all curled up on the sofa or whatever.

If you don't like it, IMO it speaks to other issues in your relationship, or maybe you're still in the very early stages so always trying to present your "best side" so to speak.

No I can't imagine getting pleasure from taking an unflattering photo of my husband while he is sleeping, feeling safe in his environment.
I think it is a juvenile, unkind, mean thing to do.
I think it is a violation of his right to privacy.
I see absolutely no humour in it.
I would feel absolutely violated by it being done to me.
Awful behaviour.

I am sorry OP that some posters feel the need to dismiss and ridicule your dismay.

No doubt the types that think others have no right to privacy when they sleep.🙄

My ex started doing this to me, very unflattering pictures of me sleeping. And he also didn't tell me about them. I was a sahm of a 3 year old and looking back also in the midst of depression. I'm pretty sure he was then sharing them to his work colleague. We seperated soon after and he 'started' a relationship with said colleague. I assume he did it to belittle me and to validate his attraction to another woman 11 years his junior.

This!!!!!

I do think it sounds a bit sinister. I'm a (very) old cynic, but I think a lot of men are motivated purely by their own sexual needs, and taking a photo of a woman when asleep- when she's completely vulnerable, and can't know or consent- is creepy in this context. I do know lots of men might take a cute or funny photo. BUT, he didn't show it to her, and flat out denied he took sleeping photos. Plus, OP says partner's behaviour has been odd and makes her feel uncomfortable on other occasions, although she won't divulge why. Taken all together I wouldn't like this.

I'd be asking him if he's heard of Gisele Pelicot.

You don't think it's disrespectful to compare a husband having a picture of his wife sleeping - in a non-sexual way - to a woman who was drugged and invited to be raped by multiple men over more than a decade?

Totally agree with you. I don’t think it’s funny at all, I think it’s immature and spiteful. It’s a nasty little ‘look how crap you look’ dig imo

I’d find anyone doing this to me a pretty sad and disrespectful person tbh

Its abusive for sure

My husband and I have both taken photos of each other when we have been asleep.
Either because the other looked cute or funny with the intention of showing the other person in the morning.
But by the time the morning came we have both forgotten about taking the photo and ended up finding it days later when scrolling through photos.