I’m so sorry that happened to you! 😞💐
Thank you for sharing your experience though. It reminded me of an experience I had when I used to have a long distance friendship with a much older man who I saw as a fatherly figure, but later it turned out (to my horror!!) that he was sexually attracted to me, and he ended up sending me sexually harassing messages. 🤢
In retrospect I look back and kick myself thinking about all the red flags about him that seem so obvious now, but I was very naive at the time and wanted to see the best in him. He was lovely to me at first, and, when we’d first become friends, I had talked to both him and his partner, and I’d had the impression back then that their relationship was a happy one.
One time when we were having a video call and it was very late in his time zone, he suddenly told me to be quiet, and he took his phone into their bedroom. He then showed me his partner fast asleep, from a very unflattering angle, with her mouth open and snoring loudly.
I didn’t think it was funny at all, and I was mortified and shocked that he would embarrass his partner like that. So, when he came out of their bedroom and continued the video call to me, I told him I thought it was a mean thing to do. But he said that she had videoed him doing embarrassing things too, so, although I felt uncomfortable, I let it slide. And it wasn’t until much later that he openly revealed his creepy feelings towards me.
I mentioned the unflattering snoring video incident to my therapist, and she said that if her boyfriend had done the same thing to her, that she would have broken up with him. In her view, it is a creepy thing to do to someone without their permission or knowledge- it’s disrespectful, a violation of trust, and taking advantage of their partner in a vulnerable state.
There are other couples who find it funny/cute to photograph each other asleep and then show each other the pictures for a laugh. I think that’s absolutely fine and completely different because in that case they have communicated with each other they are fine with it. But it’s absolutely not OK to film or photograph someone sleeping without their permission and show other people the footage without their consent. ESPECIALLY when there is deliberate intent to humiliate the sleeping partner.