I hate society for making single women feel as though they have no value and are undeserving of respect and as though having a man is like sitting on a cloud in heaven.
I had been single for approx. 12 years with a couple a short term boyfriends in between. I'd been on dates but as a single mum of a teenage boy, I was trying to be careful but just couldn't find the right person. Then I met someone on a well known app with a paid service and he absolutely swept me off my feet. Within the first 10 minutes of our 1st conversation, I told him I had a teenage son and he said he loves kids and that it wasn't a problem. We ended up having a whirlwind romance and 2 years later, I'm engaged and have a 6 month old with my partner living with me and my older son.
The thing is he lied about many things and I'm finding out in dribs and drabs. He lied about his age (said he was 48 instead of 54), his level in job (said he was an Executive chef when he is a sous chef), how many children he has (told me he had 2 children when I know he has 3 and actually suspect he has 4), led me to believe he lived with his children (when he never has lived with them). He is also quite trigger-happy to argue and I'm so laid back and calm, it just doesn't suit well with my personality at all. He also spent the first year strongly accusing me of admiring other men when I wasn't which has taken such a toll on our relationship.
The thing that broke my heart was that he doesn't actually like my teenage boy. He would make comments about various things about my son, about how I think of him too much and give my son more attention than he deserves, if my son lies in in the morning, he would call him a 'king' (in private to me) (I'm paraphrasing...) even though my son is a kind and considerate person who hasn't behaved out of line towards my partner at all - if only a little shy as he is a quiet boy.
Due to all this, I've slowly gone off being intimate with him.
When I look back, there were a few signs but as I haven't been heavily experienced, I thought it was just teething problems/that he loved me and was a bit insecure and that was something I could help him through (re: accusations). A majority of the above, I found out/he would tell me after I became pregnant.
More recently, we have just come to the late stages of buying a house together, only to have the mortgage broker tell me he has taken out numerous loans and that because he relies so heavily on credit, it is highly unlikely we'd get the house we choose to purchase.
I take responsibility for rushing into this and the 'I made my bed and I should lay in it' type advice goes without saying. No matter which way I look at things, I no longer love him. He is a good guy in some ways but it's the things I really looked for in a man he lied about. When I find out the truth, he gaslights me and tells me all along he told the truth in the beginning and that I got it wrong, that I'm 'manipulative' and constantly trying to 'twist his words'. I'm trying to hang in there and cope with the decision I made to start a relationship with him and have a child with him, but I'm running out of tactics and strategies. I've been a single mother before and I can do it again but I know he'll put up a fight and won't leave easily. I'm unhappy and although I love my little son so much, sometimes I wish I could go back to being single again. He's actually put me off men completely.
Any advice on either leaving or with how to cope with him for the next 15 years would be grateful.