Hi everyone! Looking for a bit of advice - some background, I'm 33F and bf 29M together 11months and about to move in together - a few months ago, a got dressed quite quickly and threw on a cami top and wasnt wearing a bra - bf and I were living in a flat share at the time, and when he came into the room where I was working he could see down my top and said he could "see everything". He got super upset, not angry but uncomfortable and clearly distressed - we had a really big conversation about it and the result was he didn't want to control what I wear and wants me to feel comfortable - I apologized too as I didn't realize everything would show and didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Since then, I've been a bit more aware of what I choose to wear as I don't want to disrespect his boundaries.
Then yesterday, I wore a top that "covered" everything, long sleeves etc. But you could make out the shape of my nipple through the top as I wasn't wearing a bra - it's a new top and I love it, one of those that have tied bows at the front so wearing a bra kind of ruins the esthetic at the front (no actual cleavage was showing, I also have quite a small chest) well again, he looked at me and felt instantly uncomfortable, laughed nervously and put his head in his hands - I put on a bra - part of me wishes I hadn't because I didnt feel comfortable doing something just to make him feel better - I understood when you could see everything when he looked that first time, but seeing the outline of a nipple, and having small boobs so it's not like there's cleavage out for all the world to see - I'm struggling to feel comfortable with his boundary.
I was in a 10 year relationship before this and have always dressed in a similar way, never worrying about what to choose, choosing based on what I feel comfortable and good in - clothes are really important to me and I see it as an expression of who I am - not once did I ever have any problems with this in my previous relationship - he told me he sees it as exposing myself and doesn't want others to see what is private to us. Until now, there's no resolution to the discussion this time round.
He hasn't shown any other controlling behaviour and has apologized, saying he's never had a situation where you could see a gf's nipple through a shirt before and didn't know he would ever react like that, but that it makes him feel really uncomfortable.
It also makes me feel really uncomfortable not being able to choose what I want to wear.
How would you feel about this? Do you think it's a reasonable worry on his part and that I should "be more careful" in what I choose to wear? Or should he try to deal with his own insecurities and avoid projecting them on me?
Thank you for reading!