“I abused you because it was too easy”

[Ilovemysecond]

My daughter who is 8 came back from contact with her dad and said this. I shouted and put your mum down because she was “too weak”, “too stupid” and because it was “too easy”. Im devastated. I mean I know to expect it. It went through court and he was found guilty of emotional abuse, denied contact for a long time and it started slowly after a judge allowed it a few years later.

This is how an abusive man thinks. It’s just so awful to say this to a little girl.

Sorry. My daughter has contact with her dad after a length court battle. He was abusive to me. He has told her that he abused me because of those reason and she has come home after the weekend and told me this is what he said to her.

Calmly ask your daughter what she thinks about this, does she think it's OK to bully other kids at school if they are shy or small or weak?

Don't react emotionally, just help her to examine the facts and she will see it for what it is.

Makes sense to me.

It's awful OP 💐 I'm so sorry your daughter had to hear that said, but at least she can start to see what kind of father she has. Hugs 🤗

She tells me that she wants to spend more time with him despite all the awful things he says.

@fiddlesticks81 yes that's our system, completely normal even when they have directly abused the child.

yes it took many years but the system is a bloody mess unfortunately. Plus he got a nice girlfriend and she does all the work now.

Makes sense to me too.

What a prince he is. Well, he’s admitted abusing you to your child. How did this even come up as a subject?(between him and her I mean).

It sounds as if he is using your daughter to continue to abuse you. You can safely ignore the content of what he is saying via your daughter's voice. She is parroting what he has told her to say / repeat what he has said. Ay 8 years old it is very unlikely that she understands what she is repeating to you.

What you can't ignore is the continuation of the abuse. I would contact a DV charity and see what restrictions on contact can be put in place.

Be secure in the knowledge that he is nothing more than a bullying bell end. His behaviour does not reflect who you are.

Every other weekend. He had to attend a DAPP amongst other things. Be just went to them all listened then completely ignored what he learnt the moment he got unsupervised.

I find it strange an 8 year old could remember and repeat those exact words.
Are you quizzing her after visits?
How dis that conversation come up?

He has told her everything….everything in his own words, all of it lies.

No I said mummy is strong because I left and I rebuilt our lives and we have a wonderful life here now.

No she often weeks later will say daddy said this about you. We were just sat having breakfast.

Parental alienation.

Women's aid.

"And Iif a bigger boy in school hurt you and said horrible things about you - because it was easy, because you aren't as physically string as him ..... What word would he be?"

"Would him doing that mean you were stupid?"

"If he was smart and confident, why would he feel the need do that to a smaller girl?"

"If I was stupid, I would have stayed instead of leaving him."

*Why do you think he's calling me names?"

"What are people who call others names called in your school?"

If you kept hurting a child who was physically smaller and less strong than you, or very shy or gentle , ...... What would that make you? Would that make you strong or smart?"

"What sort of person would you be to do that?"

"What sort of person would you be to boast about it after?"

Does he spoil her with Things, Trips out etc?

Me too. I'm sorry op.

I'm not saying she is lying but to remembering quotes like that so vividly weeks later is odd at 8.

Perhaps time to return to SS with this information (?)

Yes, that’s the reason she says she wants to spend more time there. Because he lets her do what she wants and buys her what she wants.

No it's not

My 6 year old can recount things people said and things that happened from yonks before, with accuracy.

She often remembers things we don't even remember.

And it would be especially the case with stuff like this!

Children are absolute sponges.

Ok well then odd it is but doesn’t change the situation.

Been there spent all my money and years of time but honestly they don’t care.

How is it strange? My 7 year old often brings up things which happened ages ago, and in lots of detail. The child is 8. Not 2 🙄

I said I think it's odd, I'm willing to accept others may disagree.