Husband constantly offering advice and questioning me

[DaphneDahlia]

Long time lurker but first time poster, so please be gentle. My husband and I have been together over 30 years. The past year or so I have found him getting increasingly difficult. He constantly watches what I do in order to offer advice on how to do it better. He questions my decisions. Earlier today we got on a bus and I waited to be instructed where to sit, because it's easier that way as whatever seats I choose will be 'wrong'.
I have given up packing a bag when we go out for the day as he will unpack and pack it again. So what's the point in me doing it?
I have just washed up and he has questioned my method for soaking a pan with stuck on food.
He will argue to the with me or the children over stuff that really doesn't matter.
If I try to talk to him about it, he either gets huffy or tells me that he is trying to help me.
Has anyone else experienced this and what did you do about it?

He sounds like a twat, and I genuinely couldn't be with someone like this.
I bet a lot of your mates think he's a tool too...

No advice - but for you x

You are being totally controlled and your children are seeing this and will think it's normal so when they have relationships they will think it's normal behaviour.

He sounds like a mansplaining twat.

When we are with friends he is good fun and comical

are the methods better ? he sounds similar to sheldon cooper from the big bang

Next time he does it look him dead in the eye and say "I do not want your input, leave me alone". Repeat every time and then withdraw from him. Let him huff. Telling him to mind his own business would go a long way here! Stand up for yourself. Pack your own bag and let him pack his bag. Assert yourself.

Tell him to stop 'helping' you, that you are a fully grown adult and do not need anything to be mansplained.

Is it only in the last year? Could he be depressed? Is he just retired? Have you tried talking to him about it?

He sounds like Victor Meldrew.

Yes I have told him on previous occasions that I am an adult and that I manage these things when he is not around

Not retired. Don't think he is depressed. He has always been 'particular' about things. It's just getting worse to the point of unbearable

My step dad gets like this when he’s bored. Does everyone’s head in. He needs a project or something to do to fill his head up so he doesn’t have much room left in it to be twattish.

What's he like in other areas - finances, bill paying, booking holidays? Does he have a say in the clothes and make up you wear for example?

Manipulating coercive people always are. It's what he's like with you that counts.

This is really interesting and something I hadn't thought of. He's not good at sitting doing nothing. Perhaps I should encourage him to get out more

What if you said here you are it's your job now and hand the chore to him, if you just sat where you wanted and left him to it etc?

Sorts out bills etc and most holidays although I have booked a few. No he doesn't choose my clothes or make up

What happens if you get on the bus first and just go and sit down where you would like to sit with a spare seat next to you?

Constantly undermining you and belittling you is bullying. He's training you; look at how you waited for orders on the bus. He's eroding your self esteem.

They do get worse with age.
silly man.

I wonder if it's an age thing?

I worry for my marriage because I am starting to feel like I don't want to spend time with him

Next time he starts to question your washing-up methods, just down tools and tell him that since he's such an expert, he is now the nominated washer-upper in your house, and he's welcome to do it any way he likes. And while he's at it, he can do all his own laundry and ironing from now on as well.

earlier when he offered advice on my washing up methods I just sighed. He then kept on explaining why he was offering advice to which I said that I'd lost interest and just walked away

Have you ever explained to him that he's a bore and you're sick of him. That you want him to stop?

It depends on the incident. If I got on the bus first I'd pick the seats and let him sit elsewhere if he didn't like it. But if it's something he's better at I'd let him do it. I was painting a wall once and DH came over and told me I was doing it wrong. So I asked him to show me, gave him the brush, said he was better and then walked away 😆
I also agree that he needs a hobby. Be careful though; DH plays his guitar obsessively - if he'd picked the ukulele I'd have wrapped it round his neck.