I’ve been going through a difficult period of time with the death of my father and I have been feeling insecure and slightly all over the place. I have not found my boyfriend of two and a half years to be as supportive as expected and I have had a feeling in my gut. Wasn’t sure if this was to do with grief or a genuine suspicion.
I was with a friend when something from Instagram popped up and it was my BF posting. I do not check his insta much or go in it very much myself. But when I took a closer look, to my surprise, his profile is open.
I took my old work iPhone (from before I met BF) so he doesn’t know the number, and set up a new Instagram account. I put a few fake photos of an attractive woman (I know this was stupid please don’t judge me.) I started following him and I sent him a message. Very innocuous about his hobby. Anyway, long story short fake me and him are now talking everyday about him, his life; everything, it’s gone over to WhatsApp, instigated by him, and it’s a continuous conversation.
he has told “her” about me and he veers between being respectful of me and testing boundaries. The implication is we’re very stressed and not very happy as a couple right now. He wants to meet around a hobby group that “we” both have in common (my fake profile and him) but is sitting in the camp of “friends” at the moment. He has sent both pics of him alone and pics of him and me but has implied that he can meet “her” alone and I will not be there.
honestly all I am feeling from this is that I hate myself. I feel dirty and like I am the deceptive one. I think I wanted to know for certain whether he was open to other people or not or whether I should protect my heart or not. And I am still on the fence. If I confronted him with any of this there is nothing in particular I could accuse him of, even if he “showed” me the messages. Willingness to meet someone else about a hobby, responding to very direct buttons being pushed by me under my fake profile in his specific areas of interest. Or am I being delusional?
one slight spanner in the works is that we always from the beginning of our relationship agreed that we would both like to have a threesome at some point with another woman. In the last 6 months we have talked about it quite a bit but life has got in the way including the death of my dad. So even some of the offering to meet this woman alone could also fall under this banner (“I was meeting her for us”.)
I am now stuck. I can’t take it to any conclusion - unless you have any bright ideas of things I should ask him while I am still pretending? And I feel guilty and embarrassed I have done it.
just wanted to vent and there is no way I am telling my friends or anyone IRL I have done this