How to stop helping this person

[Helptostop66666]

I am getting extremely distressed at the amount of money I've been giving someone and I need help to stop. They have been leaning on me now for 18 months. They have approx £100 a week off me and never return it. They have been out of work well over a year. There's no sign of them returning. They constantly need milk. food, tobacco etc. I realise now how fucked up it all is. I almost feel used. I cringe so much at what I do.

I don't know how to stop this behaviour.

First of all, we really need to know how this person is related to you because that can make a massive difference in the advise we give.

Give them two weeks notice its stopping. Ask if they need help accessing benefits? Point them in the direction of citizens advice/local foodbank. Stay strong. £400 a month is taking the piss (£7200 so far)

I expect most people will suggest you say no. I’m not sure what the alternative is.

If you wrote the total amount down and then a bunch of stuff you could have enjoyed yourself with it and can’t, would that help?

You are going to have to be really strong and just say no. I know it will be hard but this is the only way to stop them bleeding you dry . I wish you well

I wouldn't give them any cash, I might, depending on the relationship and considering any help they had given me in the past, tell them "Sorry, I can't afford that any more, Cost of Living Crisis and all that but I picked these up for you..." and get them a box of supermarket basics - milk, bread eggs etc which will cost far less than £400 a month.
If that wasn't good enough then I'd know they were using me.

Are you scared of them, physically, or the social power they have?

If not, you can say no, give excuses, lie, block them, stop returning their calls, get someone else to give them your decision, move house, change your phone number...none of this will stop them being angry/upset though, that's just a consequence regardless.

Can you describe:

how they lean on you
where they live in relation to where you live
what relationship they have with you and
what you’re worried will happen when you say no more money?

The way you can stop this in it's tracks is to tell the person you've been 'helping', that you are struggling to pay the bills and need them to help you by repaying some of the money you've given/lent them. In my experience you won't see them for dust.

It has to be a parent or child.

Can't you just refuse?
What are they likely to do to you if you don't give them any more money?
Are you afraid of them?

You need to start telling them you haven't got the money. Complain about bills and being broke a lot. Maybe even ask them to start paying back all the money you've given them. They'll soon move on and find their next victim

Ughhh it's a boyfriend but I've had enough of it. He was working and earned plenty. But there's no sign of him returning to work. I feel like I need to tell him not to ask me no more. I feel like he's taking the piss and it's not my responsibility. I do send most of it through just eat etc lately. He said his virgin bill was overdue so couldn't watch tele. So I topped his phone up today. But it seems someone's paid of part his bill as it was on £72 now it's on £52 as you can do an online payment to the postcode and last name.

I've just really got fed up of it.

You've posted about this before.
You were told then not to give him any more money.

Some years ago, I was in a similar position to you OP, although the amounts of money were smaller. I was already 'helping' by asking this person to babysit my DC, and she'd ask me for extra cash for the bus/electric/milk etc. which she always promised to pay back.
In the end I was quite blunt and said that I couldn't afford to keep giving her money. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since then.

Why do they need the money, and how would it affect their life if you stop subsidising them?
What is their lifestyle like? Are they profligate, or prudent in their spending habits?

It's easier said than done, but you need to point out the total amount you've given them, and over what period - I think a pp said £7k.

It won't be easy, and you'll probably fall out with this person, but unless there's some missing info like it's your disabled adult daughter or something, you'll have to accept the falling out.

He spends most of it on fags and booze.

That is because he is but you don't want to admit it

Op, FFS, block this loser and never communicate with him again.

You may have to say goodbye to any money you have "lent" so far. Definitely ditch the boyfriend.

Perhaps someone else has this issue because I have not?

He is taking the piss. You’re enabling his bad behaviour. It’s not your job to fund him. He sounds awful - lazy and entitled. What’s stopping you ending it and walking away? You will actually be doing both of you a favour if you do this.

Not booze no. He doesn't drink. It's often tobacco. But also food and milk etc.

No idea anxiety and feeling distressed I guess.

No is a complete sentence.

If you're not willing to help yourself, nothing will ever change. Stop giving this shitbag money and you won't see him for dust. He will move on immediately to the next mug who will give him money.