How to stop helping this person

[Helptostop66666]

I am getting extremely distressed at the amount of money I've been giving someone and I need help to stop. They have been leaning on me now for 18 months. They have approx £100 a week off me and never return it. They have been out of work well over a year. There's no sign of them returning. They constantly need milk. food, tobacco etc. I realise now how fucked up it all is. I almost feel used. I cringe so much at what I do.

I don't know how to stop this behaviour.

Why are you giving someone money for tobacco. Just stop doing it

You tell him "This is no longer working for me, I am not your Mother, & I am not a Bank. I am not funding you any more. This relationship has ended.
Goodbye."

This is the message he needs to receive.

I know you've messaged him but it's not strong enough. There are chinks and gaps he can exploit.

You don't need to apologise and it sounds like you'll relent with the right encouragement/emotional manipulation.

The above suggestion makes it crystal clear that this has stopped.

If you have afforded to give him the £100 each week, open a savings account and put it into that instead. You'd have saved £5000 within a year! Just think what you and your children could do with that money!

I do understand it's not easy. And I completely understand the relief you feel at having done it and the sense of being able to get on with you day. But he does NOT deserve your money and he is NOT entitled to it.

If he has a key to your flat, you should get the lock changed. He's maybe starting to realise that you are not happy with him and has lied about losing the keys. I would be vague until you get home, change the locks then dump him, block his number and do not open the door to him if he turns up begging. He is using you.

£400 a month when you've got children and you're living in a hotel??

Please wake up and put them first.

How are you feeling about it all today op?

OP he has it nice with you.

Would he do the same, for a year, if you just stopped working, and needed money?

He IS using you and no decent man would ever do this for this length of time.
If he lives with you as well, you seriously will need to ask yourself if this is now a relationship, or your anxiety attached to this man. While he has clear access to your cash he will never move towards any type of change. In a way, you are enabling this by giving money over. If you were not around, how would he live?

You ‘almost’ feel used?! Come on now. You’re very definitely being used. You’ve had all the advice I would give - write the money off and leave him - but come on. Of course you’re being used.

Op I just read your last post, I am sorry, this is abuse, big time.

He is manipulating you, and coercing you. He knows he wont take his own life, HE KNOWS this every time he tells you he will, this is a tactic to make you part with your cash. He knows that you will. This is something my ex use to do, he is also BPD. I got away in the end. You need to stop giving him access to your flat or place when you are not around. Who else is going there? that would be my question as the keys you give him "vanish. Change the locks on your doors asap.

And tell him the money you are giving him, is the money meant for your children.

Show your children you love them more than this man. You are not being loved by him, nor do you love him. If he continues to abuse you this way, talk to the police but talk to womans aid in your area, get a face to face appointment with them. You are being used, manipulated and reading your posts is heartbreaking. You are clearly a lovely individual, but this man was never your responsibility at all, not now and never has been.

Sorry if I missed it but I don’t understand the living arrangements, do you live together or separately?

This is complete madness you’re giving what is essentially yours and your children’s money to this person. And you say you don’t love or like him. He’s not your responsibility.

I don’t mean to sound awful but he doesn’t like or love you either. He is using you and abusing you and happily bleeding you dry, and for what? You are worth more than this OP. Be strong.

OP, doesn't sound like you are paying his essentials by the sounds of it. Who spends £70 on food over 3 days if they are totally down on their luck?

You are enabling him. The sooner you realise he is a leach, the better. Sorry to be blunt but if you stop the money, he won't die, he'll readjust his spending habits. Or visit a food bank, get a job. But most likely ask someone else for the money.