How to stop helping this person

[Helptostop66666]

I am getting extremely distressed at the amount of money I've been giving someone and I need help to stop. They have been leaning on me now for 18 months. They have approx £100 a week off me and never return it. They have been out of work well over a year. There's no sign of them returning. They constantly need milk. food, tobacco etc. I realise now how fucked up it all is. I almost feel used. I cringe so much at what I do.

I don't know how to stop this behaviour.

If I stop helping he won't eat or drink or have Internet or have fags. Without the fags he cannot cope and I end up with him at me for food as he's starving. He gets paid his £800 benefits and it's gone within a day.

I am away at the moment and I've already sent him £70 of food and fags in 3 days and I just laid here my heart pounding and anxious thinking wtf am I doing

Everytime I end it he turns and makes me so distressed I crumble and go back.

Just stop? When he says he needs something don’t volunteer. ‘Sadly can’t help but I hope you get your bill sorted’ then change the conversation topic.

Where is the £800 going? What's stopping him from working?

End it. Block. And then you can’t crumble.
WTAF is he spending £800 on in a day??

Well, he's an appalling boyfriend for putting this on you, so dump him.

Then you won't feel pressured into paying for everything.

They have borderline personality disorder and they are absolutely relentless when they don't get their way. Not frightened. But the suicidal what's the point I can't eat what's the point I give up what's the point is so distressing.

I actually think he's conning me more than I want to admit as I saw he owed 70 something on his virgin now it's 50 something so I think someone else is helping him out.

He's also used up 500 phone minutes in 3 weeks and it was not on me. So I think my brain is distressed

Rent is £460. No idea what happens to the rest. He never does a food shop. Never sorts himself out with the other £330 and pays no utility bills

He has a broken screw and rod in his back and has missed 3 appointments as he cannot get to them. The train is £100 and then a taxi. So he just doesn't go!

You need to help you.

He will be absolutely fine without your help.
This is abuse of you by someone who really doesn't love you.

In fact I'd be surprised if he even likes you

You are, to me a random on the internet, a person with a big heart who cares for others more than they care for themselves.

This is not working when the person you're caring for is actively harming you.

Time to care for you.

I've messaged him.

I put hello. I know you are skint but I need to stop paying for your fags etc. It's £400 a month and I just cannot do it anymore I'm sorry.

Have you any friends or family who you can talk to about this?

You're allowing him to manipulate you
Simply say you can't afford it
You're literally paying to have a " boyfriend"
He'll soon find another mug to leech from and you'll have money in the bank

Surely you're not attracted to him anymore? Not after this.

Just tell him straight, you can't give him anything else and you want him to pay you back as soon as possible for the full amount you've given him. In installments of £100 per well. You won't see a penny of it, ever. But might do the trick in trying to shift him out your life. He's a loser and a user. Fuck that, you can do way better.

Well done, now you really have to grit your teeth and stick to this boundary you have set.

He will try to guilt you, he

Yes I've just got stuck in a rut worrying about him and he has a way of distressing me to the point I give him it so I can get on with my day. But I now feel like im being massively used. I dont know what or who I suspect. But I think he's in contact with people I know nothing about. Possible cheating. Possibly lying and getting help from his daughter too. I dont have any solid proof but enough suspicion to think he's doing me wrong

You need to stop, he is not going to get a job and support himself while you are subsidising him. Break up with him and stop having contact (block) so he can't harrass you and make you feel bad. He's an adult, it's not your responsibility to pay for his lifestyle. Only you can put a stop to this, no-one else can. Take responsibility for your own behaviour and stop being taken for a mug.

Sorry pressed post by accident and can't edit.

He will try and guilt you, threaten all sorts but you have to stand firm.

Good start.

Put your phone, messages etc on mute for the next couple of days and breathe.

Just give your head some space.

I think you need to:

• Break up with this person.
• Block him.
• Get therapy. Your reactions to all this strongly indicate that you would benefit from professional support. You can get it privately and pay for it with the money you won’t be giving this cocksponge.

We can't help you. You have to do this yourself.

You need to break up with him. Cut all contact. Block his messages. Change the locks. Whatever it takes.

Or don't and keep paying large amounts of money to have a really crap boyfriend.

Your choice.

What the fuck are you doing ? He is not your responsibility, he’s using emotional manipulation to get what he wants and you’ve been a pushover. Stop this nonsense

I'm not attracted to him now and I don't even think I love him.

I'm in a hotel right now with my children who he doesn't really see. They are not his. I dont make plans with him. I live a whole life on my own because he isn't capable of living. He's always depressed. Always suicidal. Always broke. Always lying. Always confusing me.

Before I came away he walked home on the morning. 3 hours it took him to let me know he wasn't in the flat yet. He lost his key to the flat door. 4 weeks ago he lost the other key. It's so bizarre how these keys are gone. He just distresses me so much with his bullshit. I tried to leave 3 weeks ago and he distressed me so much I just chased him for answers. Its pathetic

You're not his g/f, you're his cash point. Wake up. Being alone is better than this. Just block him, end of. Do it. Do something for yourself!

Yeah I feel so anxious and tired. I was falking asleep then my brain woke me up telling myself off.

You are giving a complete loser money that should be going to your kids. That is absolutely fucking horrendous. Op, you have got to start taking accountability for your decisions and stop this. Enough is enough. Block him and be done with it.