Husband always on mobile or asleep

[Lonelyasalways]

I'm at my wits end. Soon as my husband returns from work or all weekend he's on his phone scrolling through rubbish on FB or is asleep. When I talk to him I get grunts or no response at all. This morning we actually for the first time In ages went out to breakfast ... Guess what he's on his phone and I'm just sat there like an idiot. I mentioned it and he put his phone down, but then had absolutely nothing to say to me. I tried twice to make conversation but he gave quick dead end responses, then just looked around the room and even started reading the bloody pictures on the wall. It's such a lonely life. I asked if he's bored with me and he said no. We're home now and he's asleep next to me. I have no family to go visit as they all live abroad or the few I have are working most days. I've started just leaving the room if he's on his phone and ignoring me when I speak to stop feeling to wound up and try and feel better. I'm normally a happy bubbly person and I'm losing myself when he's around getting me down making me feel invisible and not worth listening to. My spark is definitely dying. It's our 2nd anniversary in two days. He didn't remember our first anniversary last year. Be interesting to see if he remembers it this year. I doubt it!

Oh that’s such a sad existence. Has he always been like this?

What a boring way to live, does he realise how much this is damaging your relationship?

2nd anniversary?! Jesus leave leave leave!

I have to say if be reviewing my relationship if this was the extent of it after only two years of marriage. How can a man be so disengaged from his wife? What if you had children?
Give him an ultimatum OP - shape up or ship out!

I think phones ruin a lot of family relationships tbh - though people probably said the same when tv came along but at least that can be more interactive and a shared activity.

Its not ideal op, I can understand the frustration but I’d be lying if I feigned shock and said I’ve never seen or heard of such a thing. A vast number of couples at restaurants and cafes seem to have this dynamic. Unless you can think of something riveting to say, I can’t really see what you can do. You can’t force people to have a chat. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So many if the relationship issues on here seem to me to come down to the fact you can’t actually force things like attention or respect; they are things that have to be gifted. You can decide you won’t put up with it, but it’s very hard to force him to work to script. Most of the other solutions ( including leaving him, though you might prefer this) such as getting on your own phone whenever he does it, or refusing to go out with him at all won’t improve the relationship. It is rude though and a real problem in modern society.

Does he know how unhappy you are? I think you should tell him and if things don’t change, leave as you are describing a very sad and unfulfilling way of life.

You need to tell him exactly what you’ve written, and that if things don’t change, you will leave. If he’s going to prioritise online addiction over his marriage, what other choice do you have?

Do you really want your life to be like this for the next 10, 20 or 30 years?

It's been getting worse the more time passes. This is as bad as it's ever been sadly.

This is no way to live OP. I'd be cutting my losses and making plans to leave. Life is too short

Yes I've told him several times. Even today when I asked him if he's bored with me. Even then wasn't much better, still did everything but talk to me.

Oh god just leave. If he's like this now after only 2 years, what will it be in 10 or 20 years time? My ex husband was very similar. I felt lonelier with him next to me just sleeping or on his bloody phone than I have ever done since leaving. It's not worth it. My own light was dimmed for so long by him, then the covid lock downs really woke me up as to how miserable our marriage really was. Never looked back!

Probably not, whatever I tell him seems to just go over his head as unimportant. He's just so engrossed in rubbish on his phone he can't see what's happening in the real world unfortunately.

This won't change until he wants to change. you need to decide what you want your life and your future to look like and discuss that with him. If he is not able to give you that and would rather be on his phone then you have your answer.

There is no point in remaining married to a man who ignores you and won't talk to you.

He's checked out of the relationship.

I have thought this is only going to get worse. I'm 50 and he's 57. I've probably on average only got about 30 years left but no one knows I guess. I do know he probably wouldn't know I was even missing if I did go earlier than him.

Why is it all on what he thinks?

You're bored of him!!! Tell him

My husband is like this. And then has the cheek to tell he kids they aren't allowed to go on their mobiles.
We had came home the other day from a walk, first thing he did was pick up his phone, I asked him something and had no reply, so I picked up my keys and went to my mums for a conversation

Brimfulofpatcha good for you. I'm happy for you that you are now happy. Hard thing to do and hear everything you're saying.

I would go elsewhere if I had family I could go to. I don't unfortunately. I just get on with house chores as I don't get help with an of that either. I do everything from cooking to mowing the lawn.

He just wants you 'THERE' as a background to his 'real' life of phone scrolling.

Do you do all the housework and cooking etc? Wondering if he just wants a housekeeper not a real companion.

Cross posted! yes he wants you as housekeeper/cook. Maybe with sex thrown in.

Retro Totty funny you said that because I just posted that I do everything at home too. Even the bin collections are left to me.

Do you work?

He needs a massive wake-up call! After two years of marriage this is completely unacceptable. If you have the ability to get out, then make that threat, he'll son wake up to the reality and do something about it, or he won't, and you're better off.

Had you been together long before you got married?

If only two years in to a relationship, you might as well cut your losses.

This sounds miserable.

My husband is also on his phone way too much and it makes me feel lonely and invisible so I can understand. We have a house, mortgage and DC and a 20 yr relationship so it feels worth trying to salvage. I'd be gone if only two years and no kids though. In a heartbeat.