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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband always on mobile or asleep

90 replies

Lonelyasalways · 24/08/2024 13:29

I'm at my wits end. Soon as my husband returns from work or all weekend he's on his phone scrolling through rubbish on FB or is asleep. When I talk to him I get grunts or no response at all. This morning we actually for the first time In ages went out to breakfast ... Guess what he's on his phone and I'm just sat there like an idiot. I mentioned it and he put his phone down, but then had absolutely nothing to say to me. I tried twice to make conversation but he gave quick dead end responses, then just looked around the room and even started reading the bloody pictures on the wall. It's such a lonely life. I asked if he's bored with me and he said no. We're home now and he's asleep next to me. I have no family to go visit as they all live abroad or the few I have are working most days. I've started just leaving the room if he's on his phone and ignoring me when I speak to stop feeling to wound up and try and feel better. I'm normally a happy bubbly person and I'm losing myself when he's around getting me down making me feel invisible and not worth listening to. My spark is definitely dying. It's our 2nd anniversary in two days. He didn't remember our first anniversary last year. Be interesting to see if he remembers it this year. I doubt it!

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 26/08/2024 12:09

Fuck me…two years! Either he’s depressed or the relationship is over in all but name. This isn’t how people who want to be together act.

pinkyredrose · 26/08/2024 12:17

Lonelyasalways · 26/08/2024 11:56

This doesn't need a reply from anyone it's just an update, however...... Shock horror he has forgotten our second anniversary today as expected. I won't bother reminding him and I've cancelled the table I booked for this evening. Anticipated it and have deliberately left the majority of housework for today so I don't have to sit watching him on his phone all day. He's already completely ignored me when I spoke to him earlier staring at his phone so good job really. Have a great bank holiday all. Take care.

He sounds horrific and you deserve better. Get out asap and go to Spain alone.

Lonelyasalways · 26/08/2024 12:55

No not worth mentioning, it'll make it worse. He does the same on my birthdays and I did mention it last time and he just got defensive and funny with me. Said he'd had a lot on his mind at work. Can't be doing with an atmosphere. Then I'll be even more pd off at him, so no I'd rather have a peaceful day.

OP posts:
Lonelyasalways · 26/08/2024 13:00

Unfortunately all my family live abroad except my son who is working today. I don't like to bother friends as they have their own lives and families. He's gone out now anyway to take some fishing stuff to a friend's who wants to buy it from him. He's been gone a while so assuming he's been offered a coffee and is nattering. He's very chatty with outside people. Just a shame he doesn't chat to me. I didn't think much would be open today being bank holiday apart from pubs and I'm not one for sitting in pubs especially on my own. I have arranged to meet some friends tomorrow for a coffee though. I can have a decent face to face conversation with them, so looking forward to that.

OP posts:
Discombobble · 26/08/2024 13:53

Why are you doing this to yourself? Just get out and live your life

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/08/2024 14:04

Discombobble · 26/08/2024 13:53

Why are you doing this to yourself? Just get out and live your life

Absolutely this! This sounds like a miserable, depressing life!! I'm 46 so not much younger than you and would absolutely not settle for this kind of relationship.

Olika · 26/08/2024 14:07

Please reconsider moving to Spain with her and continuing this marriage. You seem to think you will be less lonely when you can socialise with other expats but it's a risky plan as you will be in a foreign country basically alone as he isn't suddenly going to change his ways. Wouldn't it be better to be by yourself and give yourself a chance to meet someone who treats you right and with whom you can create a warm loving relationship.

Tallisker · 26/08/2024 14:11

Lonelyasalways · 26/08/2024 12:55

No not worth mentioning, it'll make it worse. He does the same on my birthdays and I did mention it last time and he just got defensive and funny with me. Said he'd had a lot on his mind at work. Can't be doing with an atmosphere. Then I'll be even more pd off at him, so no I'd rather have a peaceful day.

He has trained you so well not to question him, hasn't he?

I'm sorry for your situation and if it were me, I'd be off like a shot. No one ignores me!

nearlyfreefromnappies · 26/08/2024 14:23

Discombobble · 26/08/2024 13:53

Why are you doing this to yourself? Just get out and live your life

Yes- this! Pick a new group to try every night of the week over the next month.

Theatre groups- so sociable and you don't need to be thespy.
Walking football, art groups, choir, Pilates etc. There are so many fun, interesting people out there to meet and spend time with. Life is exhilarating!

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 26/08/2024 14:28

Lonelyasalways · 26/08/2024 13:00

Unfortunately all my family live abroad except my son who is working today. I don't like to bother friends as they have their own lives and families. He's gone out now anyway to take some fishing stuff to a friend's who wants to buy it from him. He's been gone a while so assuming he's been offered a coffee and is nattering. He's very chatty with outside people. Just a shame he doesn't chat to me. I didn't think much would be open today being bank holiday apart from pubs and I'm not one for sitting in pubs especially on my own. I have arranged to meet some friends tomorrow for a coffee though. I can have a decent face to face conversation with them, so looking forward to that.

Go with your friends to see a solicitor. Several him with divorce papers for a belated anniversary gift.

Why on earth are you considering moving to Spain with this man? Start a new life there, be happy. Without him.

BastardsWant2PutUpMyPremiums · 26/08/2024 14:44

LTB

Catoo · 26/08/2024 17:01

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/08/2024 14:04

Absolutely this! This sounds like a miserable, depressing life!! I'm 46 so not much younger than you and would absolutely not settle for this kind of relationship.

Also agree with this. I’m older than you OP. Have a younger partner. Laugh all the time. If we started ignoring each other it would be over. No need to settle in our 50s.

Saving housework up so you have something to do when your H is ignoring you? After only two years of marriage? You sound almost martyr-ish. I can’t imagine settling for that. Life us far too short. Get rid and start living!

SaintHonoria · 26/08/2024 17:07

Bin him and then get this which is similar in nature to your sloth like husband but far cuter.

Threewheeler1 · 26/08/2024 18:12

Nope sorry, bugger that.
He sounds ignorant, lazy and ungrateful.
Also a right low-energy pudding, napping all over the place and doing absolutely nothing in the house, not even making eye contact by the sounds of it!
He's 57 and, barring illness, appears to have given up. Being in his company and being treated like part of the furniture would drag anyone down!
It must be really heavy and a bit soul destroying to be around if he's supposed to be the person you're embarking on your next phase of life with.
I'm thinking it's time to channel a bit of Shirley Valentine energy!

Ontobetterthings · 26/08/2024 19:38

Sorry to hear this op. He's really taking you for granted. You need to pull him up on his phone usage. It's unacceptable

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