Would you sleep with a married man? Even if you didn't want him to leave his wife.

[Coconut91]

Just wondering would anyone sleep with a married man, that you find very attractive. And you know he's married and don't want to break up his marriage or have a relationship with him?
You're also single.

Wow that is horrible.

So hurting someone for a shag isnt ok, the cost v payout isnt worth it, but you will play your part in ending a marriage and family and potentially destroy another womans self esteem and mental health if you "genuinely liked" him? And what would you find genuinely likable about a man who, if he really does want to leave his marriage, doesnt actually leave until he has a dead sure replacement lined up, complete with "try before you buy" so he knows that the sex is good?

I would add that all sex that takes place in the marriage is sex without consent, since the spouse would not have consented if she knew he was cheating

Does this consent rule apply every time a man lies in order to get sex? For example, if a man lies about his job in order to get a women to like him? Or if he pretends that he wants a relationship just to get sex?

Just curious, as by this definition I think that the vast majority of women have been 'raped by deception' at some point in their lives!

Not "of course" @InevitableNameChanger

The husband has lied to his wife that he's monogamous.

As a result of his lie, he is putting his wife at risk.

A poor comparison is telling the wife that the car has had its service when it hasn't, so he puts her at risk of death as the brake fluid has potentially run out.

Telling your spouse a lie that puts them at risk is not abusive. It's lying.

Yes I agree that would be the right way to do it, but realistically, it doesn't usually work like that. From what I've seen, most men will only leave their partner once they have a replacement lined up. I don't think that many men leave to be single in the hope that they might meet someone that they like.

In fact, I only know of one man who did that, and it didn't work out well for him. He's still dating 10 years later! I think that he had an unrealistic expectation of what type of woman he could get if single.

Yes of course it does, and yes, most women have experienced that. The fact that a truth is horrifying shouldn't be a reason not to face it.

Interesting question.

Perhaps "sex by deception" would fit some situations as you described. So a single woman being duped that the man she is willingly sleeping with is single, when he is in fact married, would be sex by deception if she would have said no had she known.

As for ongoing consent purely on the basis of it being within a faithful relationship, thats more difficult. It isnt black and white and I say this as a cheated on wife and a rape survivor. I wouldnt put both of those things in the same box (I realise that this is a personal thing and wouldnt dream of suggesting that other woman should feel the same). To me it isnt "sex by deception" its far worse but equally I dont feel that it entirely equates to rape either.

Of course it's abusive. As is the brake fluid example you gave.

lying and manipulating and putting people at risk is of course a form of abuse. I've experienced every type, physical, emotional, manipulation (not cheating but lying in a similar way). They are all forms of abuse

Huh? Lying can't be abusive?
Using your car analogy, the man could potentially be charged with manslaughter for risking his wife's life.
Manslaughter is not abusive? The law says it is.
I think you're getting hung up on the semantics of it. You are picturing abuse as beating somebody up, and that's not the reality of most abuse.

You're making all kinds of assumptions here. Who says that there is a 'family' just because someone is married? Maybe there are no children? Maybe kids have grown up? In any case, kids aren't a reason to stay in an unhappy marriage imo.

Rightly or wrongly, virtually no man leaves their partner to be single (probably through fear that they wont meet someone else). It just doesn't work like that.

At the end of the day, if two women love one man (or two men love one woman), then someone is going to end up hurt. I don't believe in the idea that the person who 'got there first' has more right to be with him/her. It's up to the man/woman in question to decide who they want to be with.

A marriage without kids or with adult kids is still a family. And cowards who would rather be unhappy with someone and cheat than be alone is not someone I would (or indeed have) be/en attracted to. Maybe I have higher standards.

Absolutely not.

@Coconut91, how much of yourself are you willing to bargain away for this bit of fun?

+Your health (he’s a player and condoms don’t protect against every STI)?
+Your kindness and decency for helping him harm and humiliate his innocent Wife (and children if he has them)?
+Your self-respect?

I pity any woman who can’t manage to resist this faithless misogynistic pig who is always on the hunt.

I hate the idea of karma. It always makes me wonder what I did so wrong in my life to deserve losing a child or having my exH punch me. It just reinforces the idea that it was all in fact my fault, like he said it was.

OP: I am single, and no, I would not sleep with a married man. I have standards.

It's nothing to do with "who got there first" having more rights to be with a person.

There are some proper mental gymnastics going on to justify shagging married people!

It's about behaving with decency and respect, without lying and betraying someone. It's really simple.

If you want to fuck about with someone else then end your current relationship.

Anyway there is something to be said for all those involved in cheating will get shat on eventually simply because of the type of people they involve themselves with.

What would be the point?

There are millions of single men out there, so why choose one that is in a relationship.

It seems a bit desperate.

And it’s likely why he is giving you attention because men can usually tell when a woman is easy to manipulate.

Depends, @Coconut91. If you're happily single and have no desire to get into a romantic relationship with this man, then why not?

Sometimes in life, you do come across people you have that instant connection with, and it is very hard to resist.

I'm sleeping with a married man, and have been for 5 years. It was never intended to go on for so long, but it's certainly been fun!

No. I can fancy someone from afar, but never react to it. My feelings don't control me.

No.

Because skanky man sluts that betray their own wife and children are horrendously off putting.

And from what I've seen of poor friends who have ended up subjected to 'the script' their husbands always tell the other woman that they aren't sleeping with their wife. When they are.

Grim.

Some women are happy with sloppy seconds and just don't have any standards though I guess.

his poor wife indeed. He’s a shit head. Doesn’t mean I am

Actually it does. You're knowingly entering into the situation, so you know there's a really good chance of someone else getting hurt. It's a choice you made, not just him.

@Eeeeeeeeeekohno

So your need to have sex is more important to you than your morals?

Oh that makes it ok then.

In these stats (and cute your source please), how many of the women they're doing it with know he's married?

Random guy off the street with a paunch, 2.5 kids and the brain cells of a Frenchie? No.

Hugh Jackman? Orlando Bloom? I’d swim the channel itself and then scale Everest.

How would you have felt if you'd found out your partner that you found after him was doing it? And that woman he was doing it with knee about you and that your relationship was "happy"?

Or, the non married person being cheated on by someone who knows about them later on.

This is word for word how I would have answered this question myself.

I have been, and I said no because even when I was younger, someone who is willing to cheat is not attractive to me.

I've also been propositioned whilst married and said no.

Doesn't matter how "hot" someone is, who they are as a person is much more important.