I always go for unattractive men?

[Whyyougottobeanonymous]

Hi ladies

just want your thoughts on this…

im newly single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Although the relationship has ended I can safely say we shared a great time together, lots of laughter and fun.

now im getting back out there and going on dates my friends ask me to show them pics of the men im talking to and meeting up with. Whenever I show them they always say the same thing ‘you can do so much better’ ‘he’s really not attractive’

for me I’ve always gone for men who are funny. As crude as it sounds I can definitely be laughed into bed! I love to laugh and I love to have fun. I go for someone who is kind, caring, and attentive.

dating apps are all about looks so I must somewhat fancy them to match but once the conversation gets going, it’s either like pulling teeth or it’s a great conversation that flows. If it flows and we get to know each other a bit and then they ask to take me out I absolutely do not say no.

however my friends are now lecturing me on how I’m beautiful and not seeing my worth and can do much better. I’m always settling and so on. Even my ex they tell me I could have done better.

for me it’s just not solely about looks. Obviously I have to fancy someone in order to have that sexual attraction but if I do and they tick all the other boxes then for me I’m happy. I wouldn’t say this is settling.

AIBU to feel annoyed at my friends for keep telling me that I can do better? It does make me feel really embarrassed that they constantly say this.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve had women say they go for looks first and when I looked at their partners I thought really???

So tell your friends that.

When I was doing OLD my sister would criticise any man I sent her a picture of, saying I "could do better". I didn't actually agree! I was going for men who were roughly equal to me in looks. What I finally realised is

1. she had a high opinion of me, being my sister (as your friends likely do with you)
2. what she meant was that she didn't fancy them.

It doesn't matter what your friends think. It is annoying, I felt the same. All you can say is "well, I like him" and leave it at that.

They're not "unattractive" if you like them - in whatever way you mean. I'd say we all go for "attractive" men but our definition of attractive is always different.

Your friends need to butt out. You know what attracts you so it’s not their concern.

You find them attractive, therefore they're not unattractive

I don’t think I have ever fancied a conventionally attractive man. I don’t see that as a problem.

When I was younger I had a friend who resolved not to date attractive men because all her dates/bfs had turned out to be not good. She was a desperately unhappy woman. She met an amazing guy who was very fat and got married. Over 10 years later she is still very happily married to him. I learnt a lot from her attitude change tbh

Conventional attractiveness has always been a misnomer for me... It's largely irrelevant to who I do/don't fancy. And this is the same for a lot of the women I know. I've never been on dating apps (I'm in a very long term relationship) but I suspect that wouldn't work for me for this reason - I really can't tell if I fancy someone based on what they look like.

Sounds like you know what you doing, and what you do and don't like, so I'd ignore your friends on this! Maybe don't share the photos with them??

Do not listen to your friends. You know what you want. If your priority is a funny guy who you gel with, then aim for that. Attractiveness is subjective.

Though, slightly off topic, if friends are warning you about the way a guy treats you/other red flags, then I'd pause and consider whether they have a point.

Humour and like-ability is much more important than looks. Ignore your mates. Go with who attracts you.🙂

What do you think of their partners? You probably don't see the attraction in the same way they do, I think because you're single they feel like giving you their opinion but it's just that, it's your opinion that matters.

I’ve never done OLD. I just don’t understand it…
Much better to see someone & get the “vibe”

But, I realise things are quite different nowadays.
I’ve always fancied heavy-set fellas, not sure why!

Well, if you are attracted to them, then by definition they are “attractive”. Doesn’t mean your friends have to fancy them as well. Anyway I read somewhere that (heterosexual) relationships work better if the man thinks he is “punching above his weight”, because he tries harder to be nice 😄. All highly scientific I’m sure, so you can tell your friends that.

So true. Exes who were conventionally attractive (and/or were "big" - sorry but relevant) tended to be big-headed and less concerned with pleasing me, whereas the slightly less "attractive" ones (and particularly the "smaller" ones) just went out of their way to please me, afraid that I would dump them!

Always be more attractive than your partner. They need to be scared of losing out to someone else...

@Whyyougottobeanonymous now im getting back out there and going on dates my friends ask me to show them pics of the men im talking to and meeting up with. Whenever I show them they always say the same thing ‘you can do so much better’ ‘he’s really not attractive’

Do women actually do this? If I was in a relationship and a man asked for pictures, I would think that was really weird. I wouldn't ask other men for pictures of their significant others either. Is nothing private anymore?

@Pelagi Anyway I read somewhere that (heterosexual) relationships work better if the man thinks he is “punching above his weight”, because he tries harder to be nice 😄.

Doesn't that just lead to nice guy syndrome? People who are too nice are annoying.

Each to her own. I like men with rough skin---which I never realized until one of my girlfriends pointed it out to me. I married a man with rough skin and 35 years later, I still think he's fantastic looking.

Oh wow I'm the same. I mean they have to be at least attractive to me. But a funny and intelligent man who can cook? (My man) hell yeah! I love to laugh.

What a load of crap 🤣🤣🤣

Really? You’d like to base a relationship on your partner being scared of losing you? Sounds fantastic. Not.

I couldn’t care less what my friends find attractive. As long as their partners are decent people and doing right by them that’s all I need to know.

Jeez, whatever happened to ok we seem to like each other, let’s see where this goes?

This is getting even more ridiculous!