I always go for unattractive men?

[Whyyougottobeanonymous]

Hi ladies

just want your thoughts on this…

im newly single after being in a relationship for 6 years. Although the relationship has ended I can safely say we shared a great time together, lots of laughter and fun.

now im getting back out there and going on dates my friends ask me to show them pics of the men im talking to and meeting up with. Whenever I show them they always say the same thing ‘you can do so much better’ ‘he’s really not attractive’

for me I’ve always gone for men who are funny. As crude as it sounds I can definitely be laughed into bed! I love to laugh and I love to have fun. I go for someone who is kind, caring, and attentive.

dating apps are all about looks so I must somewhat fancy them to match but once the conversation gets going, it’s either like pulling teeth or it’s a great conversation that flows. If it flows and we get to know each other a bit and then they ask to take me out I absolutely do not say no.

however my friends are now lecturing me on how I’m beautiful and not seeing my worth and can do much better. I’m always settling and so on. Even my ex they tell me I could have done better.

for me it’s just not solely about looks. Obviously I have to fancy someone in order to have that sexual attraction but if I do and they tick all the other boxes then for me I’m happy. I wouldn’t say this is settling.

AIBU to feel annoyed at my friends for keep telling me that I can do better? It does make me feel really embarrassed that they constantly say this.

My Ideal man is Ricky Gervais who isn’t by a lot classed as a good looking guy. I definitely value SOH highest. Followed by kindness. I also love guys that treat animals well. My friends and take the piss but we’re all different.

Go for who you like, not who your friends think you should like.

I would get new friends they sound superficial

What does rough skin mean? Are you sure he's not a rhino?

@Haroldwilson Pretty sure, haha. DH had a problem with acne and has scars on his cheeks and back, although, interestingly, as he's got older, they seem to be less prominent. Not sure why because he is trim and fit, so not filled with fat. He's a cyclist, a MAMIL, for sure.

@Dunderass Most men want to be the hotter one in the relationship.

"Most men want to be the hotter one in the relationship" claims woman who has never heard a single man say this.

How does that even make sense? Almost all men are ugly, so does that mean almost all men want to date an even more ugly woman? Why would they want to do that?

@Dunderass Almost all men are ugly? Strange statement.

Most on mumsnet would agree with me. Read any thread about online dating; women complain about a lack of attractive men on dating apps, and most women swipe left on the overwhelming majority of men's profiles.

How do you know that the overwhelming majority of men are wankers when they only have a few lines of text to work with on an online dating app?

The thing that's displayed most prominently on a dating app is a person's photograph. The majority of women are swiping left on the overwhelming majority of these photographs.

@Dunderass Are you that incel guy that posts on here?

I'm not an incel, so the answer to that would be no.

Yeah the photos of wankers in lycra and wankers holding fish.

If the worst thing you can say about someone is that they wear lycra or enjoy fishing as a hobby, then they're probably not a bad person.

Why not just be honest? Men are ugly. Everyone can see it, so why not just say it?

What someone looks like is the least interesting part of them IMO.

My partner is older than me and not in the same 'league' of attractiveness (apparently).

I had a lot of similar comments when we got together about how I could do better.

They meant better looking. Because I've dated a lot of men over the years and I've never met anyone 'better' than him in all the ways that actually count.

In my experience friends in LTR have absolutely no idea what OLD is really like. It's like they think its online shopping where you just pick the one you want out, just like you are doing an online Tesco shop. I refuse to discuss it with my friends now and haven't introduced my boyfriend to them yet as I'm just not ready. I think they probably don't realise how they have made me feel about this topic over the years and how private I have become about it now.

Unfortunately as we get older, looks fade and people have increasing amounts of baggage. You just need to find the ones that excite you the most and the baggage you can live with. Ignore your friends and get to know people before you introduce them as a concept to your friends.

Let me settle this debate. From my personal experience- dated lots of men of different ages - you can find a very good looking guys with great personalities who will treat you amazingly and you can find below average looking guys who are absolutely awful and mean. So my conclusion- looks has nothing to do with personality. Ugly guys will not treat you better just because you think you are doing them a favour by dating them. Don't waste your time. Choose the ones you are physically attracted to , don't compromise

When I first got with DH all my friends and family commented: Really? Why that guy? Hes so not your type..
Now weve been together over 20 years and they all know him, they wonder what this wonderful person is doing with me 😄

I never really got their comments because I was very drawn to DH right from the start. He does look different from other boyfriends, but not unattractive 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ex-DP was unattractive and my sub-conscience must have known it because that relationship completely killed my sex drive. Looking back, I never really fancied him and just wanted a boyfriend because I was at a low point in my life and had low self-worth.

I never again want to be with a partner who I don't fancy. I don't care if that's 'shallow'.

I’m in my 40s and married- my female friends complain about their husbands all the time.. being inconsiderate, not doing housework, expecting them to be the default parent, leaving them to do all the cooking and cleaning. Not once has anyone complained to me that their husband isn’t attractive enough!

That is 100% on you. You’ve wasted years of that man’s life pretending to think he was attractive. I hope he’s found someone who genuinely does.

Me neither, I'm infact blind to them attraction wise aside from objectively thinking they are good looking. I imagine they have big egos and are player types
It's all about chemistry and personality for me.. if I feel that spark then men suddenly become attractive. Friends have all wondered what I see in them.
Once I get the ick I then see what they truly look like.

I always thought it was different for men as they feel the attraction just from looking but I've heard it's the same as how I feel it for many men.. once they fall in love then their partner is perfect in their eyes

"almost all men are ugly"

Yes, I'm straight, 20, and "up for it", but I'm finding this more and more!

Well, yeah, that's why people.date people they fancy. But that's also got little to do with being 'good looking'.

Well, yeah, that's why people.date people they fancy. But that's also got little to do with being 'good looking'.

It does in my case because the men I fancy are all conventionally good looking. The sort of men that no one could honestly say were ugly.

We like to pretend that beauty is 100% subjective, but it isn't.

Agree with PP, most men are physically unattractive, especially after 30.

They take care of themselves far less than women do, on the whole, and it shows.