Husband cheated now suicidal

[IslaMai]

I caught my husband cheat with 6 other friends. They all went to a prostitute and asked how many girls they have she replied 3. Some of these men are related through blood to my OH. I gathered all my evidence and confronted him, he has been lying about that night from the first instance. Now that I have evidence when I confronted him and said I wanted a divorce things went out of control and he hit me next to his own parents.

i do not want anything to do with him. We have two beautiful daughters one 9 the other 3… instead of being apologetic or anything he is using the suicide card on me. His mental health isn’t well and his having dark thoughts etc etc etc

The issue here is I lost two family members from suicide and I know it can’t be taken for joke, I’m so scared to even tell him how I feel I’m so terrified to file a divorce just incase he does do something to himself. He is saying he feels so embarrassed and cannot go in public or look at anyone’s face he regrets everything and that’s why he is suicidal.

However I do know myself and I cannot live with a person who cheated and hit me. I’m so stuck, iv told his sister about this and she said it’s because of me he feels this way, and that I should have just sucked it up and never mentioned anything about cheating. Apparently him laying his hands on me is also my fault because apparently iv pushed him to do it. she said if he does anything it’s on you.

im trying to reach out to his family to get him some professional help but all they do is blame me and say it’s my own fault his in this state.

His family are on his side. They are not your friends.

Do you have anyone you can speak to - your own family? Friends? Do you work?

And well done for standing up to him. His mental health is not your responsibility. He’s ashamed that he’s been caught. Well too bad!

I would see a solicitor. You can also speak to the police about him hitting you.

I wish you well. Keep strong.

He's emotionally manipulating you. Whatever he chooses to do; it's his choice not yours.
He sounds disgusting and the marriage would be over for me.

He is a bastard and his sister is horrible. Get out. Threatening suicide is abusive- he wants his own way and is panicking because not only has he fucked up his lovely family life, he's done it in a way that is so seedy and awful.
You deserve so much more than this.
Plus, if you stayed, your daughters will grow up with this role model for a man and this marriage as a blueprint. Don't do it to them.

I’d press ahead with the divorce. It’s up to him if he can’t deal with what’s he’s done in the past and for the fact he hit you I’d be wanting him out of my life. His family can get him help if he’s suicidal, I’d be blocking him and his family on everything tbh. You are not responsible for his actions and you need to keep telling yourself that.

He cheats on you, hits you and then threatens suicide? You know you need to divorce him OP. Take strength and end your relationship.

I know you have trauma because of losing people but he's not going to kill himself. He's really not. He might kill you though, because abusive, manipulative men often do.

His family have the responsibility for his welfare/safeguarding.

You need to crack on with an STI check and divorce.

Sorry you're going through this.

Do you think he means it? Or do you think he's just saying that to get you to back down?

What's your gut instinct?

It's not in any way your fault. Fuck them.
His wellbeing is their responsibility now.

You are allowed to confront cheaters for cheating. You are allowed to leave men who cheat or who hit you.

Cut the lying vile abusive husband and his awful sister out your life you deserve better

Surely if he's saying he's SO embarrassed that he can't go out in public or look anyone in the face that it's makihg him suicidal - it's not your fault or problem? It's his own behaviour that's caused him to feel this way, not anything that you might have said or done, it's his own weakness and moral lapse that's done that.

It's highly unlikely that he actually WILL suicide, but anyway, what are you supposed to do? Follow him around being submissive and accepting of anything he might do just in case any confrontation causes suicidal thoughts? That would be giving him permission to do ANYTHING. Literally, ANYTHING.

Leave him, leave his dreadful family, and anything that happens is entirely on him.

Don't believe him, all he does is lie and manipulate. Don't confide in or believe his sister, she has his interest at heart not yours.
You need to leave him for your sake and your daughters'. It will mess them up to grow up in this toxic environment.
If he threatens suicide, call the police to do a welfare check on him, then he'll realise he's overplayed his hand.

He is saying he feels so embarrassed and cannot go in public or look at anyone’s face he regrets everything and that’s why he is suicidal.

So he should just let you divorce him as quickly and cleanly as possible, if he can't face up to what he's done he doesn't have to explain to anyone else why, does he?

And who is he worried about 'going public' with anyway? His family and some of his friends know all about it already, and seem like they're fine with it.

If you genuinely think he’s going to commit suicide call the police and get them to check on him. He’s 99.99% not going to. He’s trying to manipulate you into letting him off and taking him back. He’s not your problem anymore.

I cheated. I also was suicidal as a result of my actions and although I didn't do the deed, I got pretty close on a number of occasions.

My point however is this ... it's nothing to do with you. It's him. If he's genuinely suicidal then nothing you do or say will actually fix this. He needs to fix himself. He needs therapy and he needs it fast. My therapist literally stopped me day to day for a while from committing suicide. Even if my ex had turned around and said he forgave me, I still would have been plagued by guilt etc. So honestly the best thing you can do for him to is step away, encourage him to get help and let him fix his own issues.

You have enough to deal with woth the fallout of this, focus on you and ypur family. Good luck OP

I’m Giving him the benefit of the doubt and putting his abhorrent and abusive behaviour aside just to say - If he does commit suicide it is not YOUR fault. If he genuinely is suicidal he would be whether you were with him or not. You are not responsible for someone else’s mental health.

please leave him he is abusive and get some support so if he does go through with it you know it has nothing to do with you.

so sorry for your losses and also that he and his family are putting you through this.

@IslaMai girl, no. Just no.

If he does kill himself (he won't, rare they do) its his doing, nobody else's.

Fuck off him. Fuck off his family.

He has hit you and cheated with a woman who definitely didn't want to even sleep with him without a monetary transaction. 🤮

Get out, tbh I'd rather he was dead than you and men who hit women kill them often, you, your DDs deserve safety and not this scumbag.

This.

He's manipulating you in a horrible way. Don't fall for it.

Keep strong and stick to your plans. Leave him, if that's what you want or need to do. You deserve much better.

If he hurts himself, that's on him. Not your responsibility. But I bet he won't. Men like him never do.

And talk to anyone you can IRL. Do you have a support network?

💐

Watch his family, they are dangerous. His sister is a bitch.
Maje sure you tell her that. He won’t kill himself, why would you care anyway.

Oh, just let him get on with it. And report his assault of you to the Police - if it makes you feel any better about it, you can tell them once you've said he hit you in front of witnesses that he's now claiming that he's suicidal. That way, they'll be aware of the infinitesimally tiny chance that he means it and isn't just doing the bog standard abusive prick saying what he thinks will terrify you into not making him experience the consequences of his coercive control and domestic abuse.

THIS ^^

Report him to the police and tell the police he assaulted you, and that he's told you he is suicidal.

Leave him and tell him to ring for an ambulance or get his sister to take him to A&E if he is suicidal.

He's a danger to you.
You are more in danger from him than he is in danger from himself.

He chose to have sex with other women.
He CHOSE that.

You won't be able to choose when he hits you again.

The only reason he's saying he is suicidal is because he got caught.

Stop contacting his family.

Stop accepting contact from him.

Let him do what he wants.

His choices are not your responsibility.
His mental health is not your responsibility.

The only thing to do if he threatens you with this ultimate trump card is to call 999 and report a suicidal individual at X address. He can explain to police and ambulance crew what the callout is about.

Keep any texts he sends with this threat to justify why you called 999 and to keep the children from having to spend time unsupervised with him.

I second the warning that this man will very likely try to punish you for challenging him, whether by physical violence, by using the children as pawns, by stalking, or by continued emotional and psychological abuse (which is what this suicide threat is).

This man is a danger to you and to your children.

Do not give in to his threats.