Husband cheated now suicidal

[IslaMai]

I caught my husband cheat with 6 other friends. They all went to a prostitute and asked how many girls they have she replied 3. Some of these men are related through blood to my OH. I gathered all my evidence and confronted him, he has been lying about that night from the first instance. Now that I have evidence when I confronted him and said I wanted a divorce things went out of control and he hit me next to his own parents.

i do not want anything to do with him. We have two beautiful daughters one 9 the other 3… instead of being apologetic or anything he is using the suicide card on me. His mental health isn’t well and his having dark thoughts etc etc etc

The issue here is I lost two family members from suicide and I know it can’t be taken for joke, I’m so scared to even tell him how I feel I’m so terrified to file a divorce just incase he does do something to himself. He is saying he feels so embarrassed and cannot go in public or look at anyone’s face he regrets everything and that’s why he is suicidal.

However I do know myself and I cannot live with a person who cheated and hit me. I’m so stuck, iv told his sister about this and she said it’s because of me he feels this way, and that I should have just sucked it up and never mentioned anything about cheating. Apparently him laying his hands on me is also my fault because apparently iv pushed him to do it. she said if he does anything it’s on you.

im trying to reach out to his family to get him some professional help but all they do is blame me and say it’s my own fault his in this state.

he is using the suicide card on me. His mental health isn’t well and his having dark thoughts etc etc etc

Tell him if he does, you won't be sending flowers, then go and see a solicitor.

So sorry you are going through this @IslaMai! You have to leave, for your own wellbeing, and for your daughters. Try to get away from him, and is family. The way his sister reacted is disgusting.
Can you tell me where you are from, if you don't mind me asking?

I’m glad you can see through a lot of his behaviour oP because there has been a lot directed at undermining you.

You need to exit this relationship but I do think you need to ensure your safety. It sounds as though he will become very angry. I would honestly go to the police.

Tell me @IslaMai— did your other two relatives who killed themselves threaten and carry on or did they just kill themselves?

Because my two family members who killed themselves never said a word. They didn’t threaten, they weren’t dramatic, they didn’t carry on about it — they just did it.

My experience with suicide has been that people who talk about it rarely follow through with it. They’re all about the drama.

Sending you love and and support. ❤️

HE cheated
HE lied
HE assaulted you

This is HIS doing.
Not yours.

His family will 99% always take his side as they will choose to blame anyone but him.

Do what you need to do for your own and children's well being.

His family think so much of him let them take care of him

I've heard that too!
From my experience, it was also people that unfortunately never said that they were considering taking their lives

OP, you need to go to a refuge with your children. You have been assaulted and you are all in danger. Please call Women’s Aid if you’re in the UK.

I have several friends who have committed suicide, in all instances both male and female slipped off away to do it quietly, with no warning or threats to anyone else. My father and ex used to threaten often to kill themselves, father died of Non Hodgkin's, ex is still alive and kicking 16 years later after I left him, so usually the ones who threaten it never do it. BUT even if he did, it would be on him, not you. It is his decision and he cant force you to stay with him with threats. If you can walk away I suggest you do, before he gets you firmly where he wants you.Horrible man and screw his family, they are worse than him, letting him treat you in this manner.

What a manipulative bastard and his sister is a wanker too. He cheated on you with a prostitute and then hit you when you confronted him, he should be ashamed of himself.

I know you have trauma about suicide but this isn't on you - if he decides to kill himself (he won't) then it will be his own selfish fault. He's a cheating abusive pig and please don't hide how you feel for his sake, he deserves all the condemnation.

I do agree with pp though, he does sound like a danger to you and your children. Do reach out to women's aid for advice and make sure you log any threats to you or himself with 101.

According to the Samaritans:

Myth: People who talk about suicide aren't serious and won't go through with it.

Fact: People who die by suicide have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die.

It's possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting attention, in the sense of calling out for help.

It’s important to always take someone seriously if they talk about feeling suicidal. Helping them get the support they need could save their life.

I feel the OP and her children are in danger if this man knows where they are.

Suicidal? No he fucking isn’t.

You need to get the fuck away from that horrible abusive cunt and his vile family. Get away. File for divorce.

I’m in the UK, and will be contacting women’s aid to get some more advice… thank you each and everyone of you for your replies! It’s made me feel emotionally stronger about the divorce 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

https://www.womensaid.org.uk

Get out with your children asap don’t mention divorce or anything about leaving to him or his family, you and your children are in my prayers, I have used Womens Aid before they were my lifeline really many hours I spent on the phone to them, I donate to them as the work they do is wonderful.
💕🙏🏻

Perhaps a helpful parallel is this:

If a person is told that they are being sacked from their job because of misconduct, and they respond by telling their employer that they are feeling suicidal, would you expect their employer to revoke the sacking?

Do what you know you need to do, OP. And pull right back from his family.

Are you or he muslim by any chance?

The Samaritans are in the business of taking all suicide threats seriously and of encouraging others to. They're not going to say that sometimes people do it to manipulate and that it's a form of abuse...and that ironically the ones who take those threats seriously can be the ones who end up genuinely suicidal.

So their myth list is extremely biased, and I understand why it is that way, however it is damaging to another group of people.

The Samaritans etc really need to say that if you're a romantic partner or former romantic partner who has ended the relationship that the threat may be manipulation, but to take it seriously by passing the knowledge onto the police and their families, and that they do not have to be the one to help them beyond passing that on.

Wow. In true Scottish saying tell him to get the FU@k.. you don't need this poison in your life.

This is a separate topic really but it’s come up on the thread and I just wanted to put it out there that it IS a myth people who say they are suicidal don’t complete suicide. I do the Zero Suicide Alliance training every year and am involved in suicide prevention.

If a friend or acquaintance called me at 3 am and said they were feeling suicidal I wouldn’t think, “people who say it never do it” and fall back to sleep.

I have also worked with suicidal teenagers and would never have thought, “People who say it don’t do it” and not inform their parent that day.

The OP is being manipulated and even if this man is suicidal it is absolutely not her responsibility to help him or stay in touch with him. She needs to be far away from him with her DC. With a different phone number.

I know several people who have lost family members to suicide and they had all said they were suicidal beforehand and been written off as low risk by mental health services.

The attitude of, “People who kill themselves never mention it” doesn’t take account of how many times those people have mentioned suicidal ideation and been dismissed. So they stop seeking help and make their plans in secret.

Once again, the OP is not responsible for her ex - his family is.

Just in case - https://www.mwnhelpline.co.uk/issuesstep2.php?id=14

He has treated you shamefully. His attitude and that of his family speak to an expectation that in situations like this you will remain stoic, which is a stance that has made me ask you whether you are Muslim? I saw this attitude repeated over and over again in my own family. It is only when I got out of that black hole that I understood that this is not what marriage is, that a woman is of equal value, that a man should protect and defend a woman in marriage, not treat her as chattel. I have many stories to share on this, you do not need to tolerate this lifestyle. Love is the centre of marriage, not possession. If you want to PM me, please do.

Agree with other posters. Do not talk to his family anymore, this is crucial.

Remember this, it is NOT your fault or your responsibility.

He is entirely responsible for his actions, and that he should hit you in front of his family is doubly disgraceful, as is his families response. They are enabling domestic violence.

Call 999 if in immediate danger

24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247

To speak to someone anytime, dont hang up if it keeps ringing.
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Also to speak to someone else about his using suicide as a threat and what to do ring 24 hrs The Samaritans 116 123
Ive used them and they can be very helpful. Tell them how distressed its making you
You dont have to give your name in either instance.

And Womens Aid
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/