Husband cheated now suicidal

[IslaMai]

I caught my husband cheat with 6 other friends. They all went to a prostitute and asked how many girls they have she replied 3. Some of these men are related through blood to my OH. I gathered all my evidence and confronted him, he has been lying about that night from the first instance. Now that I have evidence when I confronted him and said I wanted a divorce things went out of control and he hit me next to his own parents.

i do not want anything to do with him. We have two beautiful daughters one 9 the other 3… instead of being apologetic or anything he is using the suicide card on me. His mental health isn’t well and his having dark thoughts etc etc etc

The issue here is I lost two family members from suicide and I know it can’t be taken for joke, I’m so scared to even tell him how I feel I’m so terrified to file a divorce just incase he does do something to himself. He is saying he feels so embarrassed and cannot go in public or look at anyone’s face he regrets everything and that’s why he is suicidal.

However I do know myself and I cannot live with a person who cheated and hit me. I’m so stuck, iv told his sister about this and she said it’s because of me he feels this way, and that I should have just sucked it up and never mentioned anything about cheating. Apparently him laying his hands on me is also my fault because apparently iv pushed him to do it. she said if he does anything it’s on you.

im trying to reach out to his family to get him some professional help but all they do is blame me and say it’s my own fault his in this state.

I would strongly advise you to reach out to women's aid to help you leave this abusive man and his complicit family.

You and your children are at a very serious risk of more, even potentially fatal violence.

Please be reassured ( or not ) that men like him do not commit suicide, they use it as a tool in their abuse of you.

If he can hit you in front of his parents he'll hit you in front of your daughters one day if you stay with him, and when your daughters reach puberty it's not unlikely he'll hit them too and believe they "made him do it" by defying his wishes/ arguing back...

Even without the prostitute use you owe it to your daughters to leave a man who's hit you. The prostitute use is also sufficient reason by itself - who knows (apart from the complete disrespect of you and your marriage and the implication that he believes women and girls are just things he can buy and use) what disease he's bringing into your marital bed. Again - your marriage is the romantic relationship blueprint you're offering your daughters.

Threatening suicide out of the blue when caught doing something shameful is unfortunately part of a "script" used by a certain type of man to keep control over his woman and to make his poor life choices her responsibility to hide and compensate for. It's coercive control - abuse.

If multiple members of his extended family went together to prostitutes they presumably share a sick misogynistic world view in which men are entitled to buy women and their partners have to accept it - again you obviously don't want your daughters to believe you buy into that as remotely close to okay.

If you stay with an abuser who buys women for sex in order to placate him, you're telling your daughters that's what women do and how relationships are.

Given all that it's absolutely better for your daughters that you call his bluff and keep the divorce ball rolling and organise contact formally through a mediation service or your divorce solicitor if possible.

He’s a worthless pos. He’s manipulating you in the most vile way - he won’t kill himself.

Divorce him and get away from him and his family.

Isn’t it convenient for him that can manipulate you with his poor mental health all of a sudden now that you confronted him with proof he cheated, he was physically violent, and you want a divorce.

you need to protect yourself and your children. That is what matters for you, your mental health, your physical safety, your children’s mental health and their physical safety. He has to take care of himself.

Every time he threatens suicide call the police to do a welfare check. Don't let him stop you doing what you need to, like filing for divorce. Don't let him and his crazy family manipulate you.

That's emotional blackmail. I would take my chances and file for divorce. It's not your responsibility to stay with someone who hits you and uses prostitutes no matter what the outcome. If he threatens suicide again, report it, it's no longer your responsibility.

I’d ring the police too if he does it again. The ones who don’t say their suicidal are the ones who do it.

His family aren’t your friends.

It's physical abuse, a slap, a hit a punch. Horrendous that this was done in front of his family. Awful. Stay strong.
Are you in the UK? Please look at support and advice from www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Well we can see how his upbringing contributed to his behaviour and belief that his actions are other people’s fault. You know this is not your fault op. But the fear of what if is totally understandable. Get yourself as much real life support as possible to help you navigate this very tricky situation. Your poor kids. Feeling for you all.

As harsh as it might sound, his mental health is his responsibility.

I agree with others - if he says something like that again, call the police. He is not your responsibility. Divorce this man and get his family out of your life.

Yep, my h also said he felt suicidal when he was confessing to an affair. It's the fucking script. Given how things are now he'd have done us a favour.

It's v unlikely that he will kill himself. The threat of suicide is often used in emotional and psychological abuse and it's quite likely that's exactly what he's doing here.

Do not worry about his physical safety. Worry about the physical safety of you and your children as he sounds extremely dangerous, as does his family. Please get out of there.

Fuck him and his family. He has done this to himself. Don't go back to him he has hit you and used a prostitute he couldn't get any worse. His family are disgusting Get him out of your life. He will not kill himself he will snivel to his family. I hope you have friends and family to support you and look after you.

He is manipulating you.

Don't fall for it.

Leave and divorce. His mental health is not your responsibility.
His family won't support you . It's easier for them to blame you then to accept his abusive behaviour.
You have to put your children above him.
Start a fresh and maybe get a solicitor when it comes to visitation for him to see his children . Based on his behaviour.

Or one better report him to the police for hitting you. So it is on record.

@IslaMai his whole family are disgusting!!! his parents should have been on your side after he lifted his hands to you! They shouldnt be blaming his mental health problems on you when it was him who cheated, not you! Does he blame you too for him cheating in the first place? I would leave him anyway, because I think he is playing the sympathy card! It is far better for children to have one happy parent than two unhappy parents!

Threatening suicide in this manner is really common in coercive relationships. The police take it seriously as it’s a threat to life, ie, how far they are willing to go. Call Women’s Aid and get out safely

Most people who complete suicide have referred to suicidal thoughts beforehand. That doesn’t mean everyone who talks about suicide will attempt or complete suicide.

However, it is not the OP’s responsibility beyond calling 999 and reporting a threat to life. OP, please ask for the police to visit you and go through the whole situation with them, because his choices are impacting your wellbeing and that of your daughters. You are at risk. The priority is the risk to you and your children.

No one forced him to use a sex worker. He chose to and he chose to hit you. You must report this to the police immediately. They should take this domestic abuse extremely seriously.

You've had some good advice.

You can divorce anyone for any reason. It's just that he's given you two spectacularly good ones!

Who cares what his family say or think? They're on his side and they can hold whatever opinion of you and of the situation that they like. It doesn't make them right.

If he were to kill himself (he won't) that will be solely on him.

If you tell his mother and his sister that he has said he's suicidal, you've done your bit. You have made sure people who care about him are aware and can be there to support him.

Do not hold any guilt.

He's obviously bullshitting to manipulate you. But even if he wasn't (he is) then you hold zero responsibility for his actions. All you can do is make sure he has support. He does. He deserves no more of your emotional energy now. Concentrate entirely on yourself and your DC.

Those women he saw? They're someone's daughter too. Desperate women with few choices. And he used them for a laugh. Remember that and keep your promises to yourself and your children.

Good luck OP. You deserve happiness a long way from this crap.

His actions are now having consequences. You didn't make him cheat, you didn't make him hit you. He is not your responsibility. Him & his family are vile. Crack on with the divorce. Show your children his behavior is unacceptable. Be strong, ignore the empty threats.

100%. With abusive men a suicide threat should be taken as a disguised death threat. He may be thinking of doing a murder suicide.
Run like hell, OP!

right i’m sorry but im going to say it,

what cultural background does he come from? where it is acceptable for him to hit you infront of his parents?

are you english? are you stuck abroad with him due to children etc?

It makes no difference she needs to get rid of him either way.

With abusive men a suicide threat should be taken as a disguised death threat.

This x100 as @XChrome says.