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Original poster

dh wants me to meet his ex-girlfriend

83 replies

confuseddd · 16/04/2008 16:50

okay, this is nothing compared to what others of you go through but... i just don't want to get hurt and would appreciate your views.

dh and his ex had a 10 year rel. - very good and they are still fond of one another. she often sends him emails and these have coincided with important events in our life together (eg when we married, found out i was pregnant). we have had bitter rows because I think he has not finished with her properly.

she wants us to meet (along with our new baby and her dh, poor man) for tea. personally I want to tell her to stop acting like the queen, and that she doesn't own a pieceof him.

i've agreed to this meeting for his sake - am i doing the right thing.

sorry, i did say this was a bit of a lame issue.

OP posts:
lulumama · 16/04/2008 16:52

i donlt think it is lame

i thikn you are feeling bad and wondering why, after their relationship ended, he is still wanting to make her happy, and maintain a friendship, that clearly upsets you

when did they split and is she with someone else now?

Carmenere · 16/04/2008 16:53

Oh meet her fgs, it is no big deal, all it will do is confirm to her that you are nice and your dh loves you. You might even like her......

Twinkie1 · 16/04/2008 16:55

Meet her but make sure you have a beautiful frock on and are thinner than her!

Actually I wouldn't meet her - have met Dhs ex gfs parents and i find that uncomfortable enough - and I met her 2 sisters but they were nice to me!

sophiewd · 16/04/2008 16:55

My brother and SIL invited his ex which was a long realtionship to there wedding, you are with him and have a baby, she is with her DH, 10 years is a long time to be with someone and not to have anything to do with someone, presuming the split was nit acrimonious and bitter

hecate · 16/04/2008 16:56

I wouldn't. But I'm not rational on this issue. (I won't go to brighton because dh went with his then fiancee about 15 years ago! ) Do they have any children together? If not, why still keep in touch at all? Ok, 10 years is a long time, but still...

Logically, he's with you now and she's in the past, they've both moved on. There's nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, blah blah blah...But I can totally understand how you are feeling, because I'd feel the same. I'd fecking HATE it! I'd be telling him to make a choice, tbVh. Unreasonable yes don't care.

What are they going to be talking about anyway? Their past? "Oh remember when we...." It's just odd.

SheWillBeLoved · 16/04/2008 16:57

Agree with Carmenere.. although I can see why you would be wary. But at the end of the day, they have a pretty big history together that you can't expect to erase or want him to erase. No one is asking you to be best friends with her. And if you're confident in your relationship an sure that DH has moved on - then I can't really see that much a problem.

MrsMattie · 16/04/2008 16:57

Is she going to become a friend or a regular part of your life? Are you entertaining that idea, or is your DH? If not, don't bother meeting her. Why should you? I'd rather saw off my right arm than have to sit through lunch with any of my DH's exes.

Marne · 16/04/2008 16:57

I would'nt be happy about meeting her, i have to see dh's ex as they have children together, i wish i did'nt have to see her at all.

oiFoiF · 16/04/2008 16:58

cant they both find other friends?

i mean its fair enough they would make polite conversation etc and I understand people having a relationship when children are involved but i have to say i would find it rather tiring.

Why cant you tell dh you would rather have dinner with someone else?

oiFoiF · 16/04/2008 16:58

find 'it' meaning 'this' as in your dh

Smittals · 16/04/2008 16:59

what is to be gained from meeting? Is this supposed to be the start of a friendship between the four of you?! I'm sorry you're in an uncomfortable situation - it might be better to go and meet her though and assess how she behaves face to face, rather than be left wondering. You might even get an idea from her DH about how HE feels! Best of luck xx

harleyd · 16/04/2008 17:00

oh fgs wise up
whats the problem
they are friends..or is that not allowed anymore

beaniesteve · 16/04/2008 17:01

I think you should. She's married, they are friends, you might like her.

beaniesteve · 16/04/2008 17:02

Incidentally - my BF's ex now goes out with his Brother! It's weird, but it was years ago in a different life. I'm ok with it!

minouminou · 16/04/2008 17:10

ahhhhh...go along
it's interesting that she's invited you all....i'd wanna know what her motives (probably 100% benign) are
My dp's ex, on the other hand, is a nightmare

Uriel · 16/04/2008 17:12

Oh, how weird. I mean, what is the point?

Caz10 · 16/04/2008 17:13

i can see this from the other side - i have 2 ex bf's, relationships not as long as that, about 2-3 years...but anyway point being, we still keep in touch - they are both married, so am i. i was invited to their weddings, they were invited to mine. now we all have young children/babies, so i swap the odd email with their wives re random things like feeding advice.
we live in different parts of the country, so it's not like we're best mates, but we see each other at weddings, xmas etc.

basically, what's the problem?! she's married to someone else, quite sure she is not pining after your dh. she's not a threat, why would you not meet her?

i think i like one of my ex's wives more than i like him now tbh!

Original poster
confuseddd · 16/04/2008 17:15

glad you were able to deal with it beaniesteve.

and twinkie1 - i'm 6 weeks post partum so she will be thinner and better dressed than me lol!

i can't see the point of it all and plus i'm jealous as she is brighter and more successful than me. i'm in your camp hecate i think.

it's going to be flipping awkward. i would rather be friends with cruella deville

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddd · 16/04/2008 17:17

caz10 - wish i could be relaxed about it like you!!

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 16/04/2008 17:22

If it's going to make you feel so awkward, then tell DH. Surely he wouldn't want to spend a night with his ex, making small talk while you squirm in your seat analyzing her every word and action. Hardly sounds like the bundle of fun his ex seems to think it will be

kerala · 16/04/2008 17:24

Am abit envious am dying to meet DH's ex out of sheer nosiness but never managed to.

As he is with you now and you are happy not sure you have anything to worry about?

zippitippitoes · 16/04/2008 17:27

i think its a weird idea

shes an ex move on is what i would think

Chaotica · 16/04/2008 17:29

I'm with Caz10 there's most probably no problem at all. I have 2 ex bfs who DP has met, I know and like both their wives and get on so well with one of them I happily hang out with her on her own (and when we met, it was really easy to get along because we were saved all the bullshit of finding out all about each other we already knew via the man in question ). So I'd go for it -- and if you don't like her you've lost nothing.

LyraSilvertongue · 16/04/2008 17:32

You are doing the right thing. Why shouldn't DH and his ex stay friends?
DP has met my ex-fiancee, who I'm still friends with but he lives abroad now.
I've met one of DP's exes, who he keeps in touch with every now and then.
I went to ex-fiancee's wedding and am godmother to one of his children. There's nothing whatoever between us anymore, hasn't been since we split up after 5 years, but we like each other as people and so have kept in touch.
DP is fine with it.
Meet her and her DH and have fun. You might get on, you know.

Uriel · 16/04/2008 17:36

I think what you need to ask yourself is whether this will be an ongoing thing. If so, is that what you want?
Yes, you might like her. But what if you don't - will dh accept that or not?

Are you meeting on neutral territory so you can escape leave early if you want to?

My idea of hell, personally.

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