dh wants me to meet his ex-girlfriend

[confuseddd]

okay, this is nothing compared to what others of you go through but... i just don't want to get hurt and would appreciate your views.

dh and his ex had a 10 year rel. - very good and they are still fond of one another. she often sends him emails and these have coincided with important events in our life together (eg when we married, found out i was pregnant). we have had bitter rows because I think he has not finished with her properly.

she wants us to meet (along with our new baby and her dh, poor man) for tea. personally I want to tell her to stop acting like the queen, and that she doesn't own a pieceof him.

i've agreed to this meeting for his sake - am i doing the right thing.

sorry, i did say this was a bit of a lame issue.

' He would certainly object if I started arranging meets with my exes and when we have run into them by coincidence he has been actively upset.'

So Madamez, is OP's partner in the early stages of abusive behaviour? Sorry to go on about it, just I don't understand why you are condemning her for not wanting a proper meeting when he himself doesn't really like passing her exes in the street.

It isn't fair of him - double standards?

Madamez, I normally really like reading your advice as it is well thought through and provides a new perspective yet I have to laugh at the notion that 'being friends with XPs makes for a better society'.

Haha...ha ha ha.

It would also be great for society if our salaries would equal rising food prices and street crime would be a thing of the past. Puuhleaze...

I suppose everything would be fine and dandy if we could all shrug off territorial feelings about our partners and just swing around town and be children of love... Thing is: we can't. Why are there so many threads from sad and angry posters that feel hurt and betrayed by their philandering husbands? We all have different values and just because some people like their relationships exclusive doesn't mean they're less enlightened or whatever...

The OP feels uncomfortable at the thought of meeting her DHs ex who seems to be pushing for it, esp. as she'll just have given birth. I think she has every right in the world to say no to meeting the ex again.

I think everone is entitled to an opinion and it has to be respected, not put into a ridiculously abstract context.

i agree with alexa

and to imly that the op is being controlling and an early stage abuser of her dp not wanting to meet and be friends with this ex is laughable

dh ex girlfriend left him for his brother - caused a looooooooooooooooot of problems by all accounts!

i came on the scene and met dh. things were still strained but overtime it thawed and we ended up going on holiday with them.

after that we were all very close and ex gf became one of my closest friends. we never spoke about her time with my dh (2 years). I was really nervous about meeting her but we got drunk made it clear that we were both happy where we were and it was done.

she has since left dh brother and is now married with a daughter. she cut all contact and i miss her a lot.

Agree with Alexa and Zippi,I would be pissed off that she always gets in contact at important milestones, important to the op and her dh, that is. It sounds a bit 'me,me,me'. Why should the op have anything to do with her, it's her dh's friend, she doesn't have to be friends with her if it makes her uncomfortable. Tell your dh you don't want to, simple as that., especially if he can't handle meeting your ex's

Perhaps she wants to congtartulate them on their important milestones?

True, Sopiewd.
But if I was the op I wouldn't meet her, just because it makes her uncomfotable, her dh should respect her wishes. It's not important in the grand scheme of things.

Why would she want to be a part of their life together? That's really creepy and stalkerish.

Point is the OP is uncomfortable with the constant popping up of ex and I think it's time someone tells the ex to stick her nose into her own life and keep out of theirs. It's just a question of how this can be achieved. (TBH: If the ex GF had any sort of social radar she'd notice she's not exactly welcome by the couple and should leave them alone, yet she pushes and pushes for a meeting...)