Snooping through husbands laptop

[Piper194]

My husband left his lap top open and I went through his iMessages. I found messages to another woman from 18 months ago. With a little bit of research I worked out he was on a stag do at the time. He had deleted the messages from his phone but they remained on his computer.

The messages are trying to set his friend up with this girl, loosely arranging to meet up the following day. I can see she has replied to him early hours of the same night out asking where they all ended up but he didn’t reply to that.

We have since got married and had another baby after months of fertility treatment. Hes a decent man, a good dad and I thought a trustworthy husband. I thought life was good but my bubble has been burst. I am aware my hormones are a bit bonkers at the moment being post partum but I am still so very upset that he would hand his number out to a random girl on a night out. I scrolled back over my text messages and saw that at the time he was messaging her he had not replied to me (I keep all messages)

I’m so upset that a boundary has been over stepped but he is saying I am overreacting.
I don’t want to throw my marriage away but I’m just gutted 😞

So you think all your husbands friends are ‘like a pack of wild animals’ and he is completely different but yet still chooses to be friends with them? Unlikely.

I personally don’t think he did anything wrong, but I would imagine he behaves somewhat differently around his friends to how he does infront of his family. I would say most people do.

Hi OP

I think you need to go back and edit your first post and make it clear that his mate had a girlfriend and he was effectively encouraging him to cheat. Your post sounds trying to be kind and match make. What he was actually doing was encouraging a type of behaviour that he tells you that he would never participate in himself. When a decent man would tell his mate to stop being a dick, and a passive man would say it was none of his business, so what does that say about what type of man he is. I think if you add this, and why you checked (messages from his friends gf thinking he had cheated) you'd get a very different response

Think it’s your hormones. Are you judging him by your standards?

I’ve not read all the replies but surely what you done was worse than what he did? He hasn’t done anything wrong but you have.

Sounds like you BOTH need to discuss your boundaries and stick to them as the trust appears to be on a tightrope
You went through his laptop
He set up a friend who’s in a relationship and didn’t tell you
Neither of you trust each other
I’d look at some counselling