Would stinginess put you off?

[Ohwellithappens]

I met a guy OLD. We have been seeing each other one day a week and we message every day. In many respects he is great. He's really witty, clever and well read. But his attitude to money is very different to mine. To put this in context we both own our own homes without a mortgage in London, I earn very good money and he earns more so easily over £150k and he has just received a large inheritance and seems to spend a lot of time sorting out tax issues relating to it.
We meet for coffee etc and it's like he is totting up who paid the £6.50 for two coffees last, usually I will pay if I am near the till, it's really not an issue for me. But on the one occasion we went for dinner, he picked a restaurant that frankly a 21 year old would take a date to and I offered to pay towards the bill and he accepted..it was £30.00, which in my world is nothing and less so in his , but I was quite taken back. A few nights ago we went for drinks in a brasserie, lots of couples were having drinks and food, he suggested wine which we sipped for 1.5 hours, he didn't suggest getting food even though it was 8.00pm and then when we left accepted my offer of £10.00 to cover half the bill, the waitress actually rolled her eyes to me. We are mid 50s, affluent, I dress with a lot of effort, I turn up looking very nice, I make an effort to be there. It's really annoying me, it's like he is keeping tabs. I haven't suggested going to some places because he just will go on about the cost...

Oh I think some of them wear their tightness as a badge of honour. They positivity brag about his stingy they are as they tell with hire takes that make most people toes curl with shame but they don’t seem to care.

Thanks for all the really helpful advice on here. I think I had stuck with him because he has core qualities of being honest and how can I put this, constant. Whereas my last relationship with a real bougie guy left me so heartbroken, so this man seemed more reliable.
But he doesn't have the appetite for enjoying life in the same way. He's very clever and interesting but I can't be in a relationship with him counting pennies and watching opportunities to enjoy life pass me he might work as a friend to see now and then.
I find it hard being single in the summer when couples fill cafes eating out, but that wasn't us and I know I would have better experiences with my friends.

talk to him about it???!!!
maybe he doesn’t want to refuse your offer to pay half because lots of women don’t like being “paid for” especially in the early days.

he might think he’s following your lead.

my partner is incredibly frugal with money but he is from a very different cultural upbringing and could easily be dismissed as tight or stingy- however I would have thrown away a diamond if I hadn’t acknowledged it early and talked to him about it.

that’s what relationships are surely, finding out if you like each other enough to reconcile your differences??

I could, but it's not just about splitting the bill on two glasses of wine and I would say my offer is "would you like me to contribute" rather than me slamming my card on the table it's about (as a couple of posters have said) his world is smaller than mine, him not seeing money as a tool to enjoy life.

I think a lot of men nowadays have been falsely led to believe that more women are gold diggers than is actually true.... therefore many are absolutely obsessed that no woman is going to get one up on him. It's actually pathetic.

Not to jeopardise your thread OP but my experience is that stinginess kills joy and attraction in relationship. My DP has lots of good qualities: loyal, caring, witty but he seems obsessed with saving & investing money. While I understand where it comes from (costly divorce and excessive spending before that, worry about pension), him constantly talking about money, how to save, how much others earn, using electricity sparingly, no home improvements etc. is just killing my attraction to him. He earns 5 times more than I do but now expects to have 50:50 split of costs. It’s a killjoy, it takes fun out of any outing as even if he sometimes offers to pay, I feel he secretly begrudges it. It’s all money money money.

This is exactly what I am talking about. Kills the joy and everything becomes about money.

@Comedycook spot on. My DP didn’t use exactly those words towards me but him implying generally that he won’t be taken for a fool (therefore implying that I’m after his money) was the biggest turn off ever. Ugh.

He earns 5 times more than I do but now expects to have 50:50 split of costs
Ah yes Another fucker who only wants the bits of feminism that benefit him. But according to many on the "who pays on dates" thread he definately believes in equality. Oh yes Definately 🙄

When i was a child we would often go for dinner as a family with family friends or relatives. I remember when the bill came, the men in each family would sit there arguing with each other, each insisting they would pay. It was really a point of pride for them. It seems these types of men are a dying breed

@JenniferBooth his rationale is that his disposable income is similar to mine. It’s because he puts 80% of earnings into savings and investments. I don’t do that because I simply can’t afford to. If I chose to, I wouldn’t have money for petrol to drive to his place.
Btw I don’t expect him to support me, I’m
solvent, have my house, pay my bills and expenses and never asked him for money.

Just to put the other side across, I was the higher earner in my relationship ( by about 30%), and the expectation was that I would foot all the bills - that is just as much of a killjoy- it’s still money, money money - but just as much of a killjoy when you are doing all the spending

Give me his contact information. I will call and break up with him on your😂 behalf.

@Fs365 i can completely understand that being expected to cover all the expenses is a killjoy, too. However, that has never been the case in my relationship.
One thing is certain-compatibility in ‘relationship with money’ is so important and, as awkward as these conversations are, it’s best to understand each other’s expectations early on.

Can I come to stay with you? I’ll pay for everything as a thank you for hosting me. I also appreciate the businesses have to make money, I have the cash I’ll spend it. I’m great company but I don’t fancy women.