Would stinginess put you off?

[Ohwellithappens]

I met a guy OLD. We have been seeing each other one day a week and we message every day. In many respects he is great. He's really witty, clever and well read. But his attitude to money is very different to mine. To put this in context we both own our own homes without a mortgage in London, I earn very good money and he earns more so easily over £150k and he has just received a large inheritance and seems to spend a lot of time sorting out tax issues relating to it.
We meet for coffee etc and it's like he is totting up who paid the £6.50 for two coffees last, usually I will pay if I am near the till, it's really not an issue for me. But on the one occasion we went for dinner, he picked a restaurant that frankly a 21 year old would take a date to and I offered to pay towards the bill and he accepted..it was £30.00, which in my world is nothing and less so in his , but I was quite taken back. A few nights ago we went for drinks in a brasserie, lots of couples were having drinks and food, he suggested wine which we sipped for 1.5 hours, he didn't suggest getting food even though it was 8.00pm and then when we left accepted my offer of £10.00 to cover half the bill, the waitress actually rolled her eyes to me. We are mid 50s, affluent, I dress with a lot of effort, I turn up looking very nice, I make an effort to be there. It's really annoying me, it's like he is keeping tabs. I haven't suggested going to some places because he just will go on about the cost...

There is no way I'd want to spend my 'more affluent' years with someone who can't relax and enjoy life. I'm all for sharing costs but I can't see the point in being the richest person in the graveyard.

Have you tried being blunt? "Are you planning to eat? because I'm hungry, so shall I just order something for myself?" and see how he reacts.

I went out with someone like that. We were on holiday and there was an issue with the flight home. They put us up in a beautiful hotel and paid food but not drink. I suggested ordering a bottle of champagne as we were getting a 5* night somewhere stunning at no other cost. He said 'I'm not paying for half a bottle of champagne." So I ordered a bottle and one glass. You should have seen his face 😂😂

Do not restrict your life because of his hangups. It would be different if he was less affluent than you, but he isn't.

Love the bottle and champagne and one glass @Meadowfinch 😂Did you cave in and share in the end?

Stinginess is the most unattractive trait EVER

Old fashioned attitudes in women can be equally off putting, I dated a woman for almost 6 months who never paid for anything- her attitude was that men should always pay- very off putting in this day and age

Every Fucking Time!

And you put up with that for 6 months? Absolutely unacceptable in the 21st century to have that level of grabby entitlement- it’s embarrassing that women still think that way.

Put your tin hat on

men not paying are stingy, women not paying are old fashioned.

Just a clarification...I do pay for coffees, have offered to split bills (never turns that down) but he just doesn't want to spend money at all...

@Icantpaint forget the date situation this guy's behaviour on date is his attitude to money in all aspects of life. A woman may like to be treated on a date that doesn't mean she wouldn't pay for a exhibition ticket or constantly looks at the cost over the experience.

@hildabaker No, he launched into a lecture on me being pretentious (with my own money), so I took my champagne and watched the Caribbean sunset on my own.

Yeah was about 6 months more or less, both of us are 50 + and could only date weekends or sometimes every other weekend due to work schedules, child care etc
I paid for the 1st few dates which felt pretty normal and we visited each other’s home’sa few times, but about 4 months in I realised she never really paid for anything, drinks , meals, cinema etc , came to a head at our 1st weekend away, nothing special- but even so I ended up paying for everything.
i ended it a bit after that- felt like I was being taken advantage of somewhat

My 18 year old granddaughter has just dumped a boy who expected her to pay for everything! He was the same age but refused to get a job.

She's surrounded by feminists and allies but we all need to experience these things in real life to know where our boundaries lie.

So proud of her and happy she is having fun with her girlfriends at the moment!

This. I have one like this now and it's just hit the 18month mark and it's killing the lust I have for home.
OP, I get it.

Mine is great in bed, it's long distance, we get on , he's solvent and has plenty of spare.
I did too when we met and I just assumed if I booked a really nice place for a meet up, the next time he'd reciprocate . Do 50/50 more or less.
Nope.
But he's really happy to do fancy things ( that he wouldnt 'waste' euros on) if I'm paying.
It's draining and joyless . I'm happy to stay in cheap places too, it's fun in a different way but it's the continual totting up on what he paid for, me and it's really unattractive

How depressing. He sounds horrible!

Yeah I totally understand that, the women I was seeing was completely happy to “suggest “ we should go fancy places, but didn’t want to foot the bill for it, she just assumed I would by paying for everything

@Fs365
Well, he's now staying in my house for 10 days and I'm 5 days in and losing the will to live.
I live in a seaside tourist area that has a great vibe. If I have one more grumble about how a glass of wine in a nice bar overlooking the sea at. Sunset is £7.50 and a rip off, I will jump off a cliff.
So I pick up the tab. In the UK wine is not 2 euro per glass end of. So stop moaning about it.
A clincher today was ending up in a Mediaeval village after a lovely free deserted beach few hours ( with lunch in a Tupperware of course) wandering around Loki g for coffee and finding a church where you pay £3 to walk up the spire/tower and get a great view for a while.
Honestly, he grumbled about the cost and I paid without even asking. .
We're at home now ( as eating out again is soooo expensive

Did she never even offer? I’m shocked that some people have no shame sitting on their hands when the bill arrives never reaching for their debit card.

Glad you saw the light and kicked her freeloading arse to the kerb

And the lust is just dying in me .
He cannot work it out funnily enough

I'm old.
I understand Princess syndrome which is what fs writes about but when a man does it it feels like you become their mother and the last button just slowly turns off

Don't jump off the cliff, just push him.

Or at least make this is the last time you're entertaining this killjoy ☹️

Yep, mine would be overcome with 'OW much?!?' syndrome if he thought he was going to have to put his hand in his pocket, but it was surprising how fast he'd come to terms with the prices if I was offering to pay. You'd think that they would say something like 'Oh, but it's quite pricey for you to pay for us both...' but they never do, they almost bite your hand off if you offer.

I often find that tightwads also think that you haven't noticed what they're up to. They think they've got one over on you if you pay for them.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat
Exactly. They l

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat
Exactly! It's all a rip off bla bla when they may have to pay but super fun when someone else does.
But, on a serious note, other posters have said it, it shows a stinginess of spirit. A kind of joyless personality whereby the continuous adding up of costs ( to themselves when they can actually afford it) spreads out into other parts of their personality.

@Dweetfidilove I'm not having him over in the uk again. This is the third time , the weather is fabulous for a budget conscious trip but the continual awareness of spending (like I pay for parking on Ringo if we stop somewhere and it's all just, can't you find a side street somewhere etc, no! I can't. This is England!) is driving me nuts.
It's a totally different story if we were on different budgets but this is different and it's also judgemental which I hate