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Original poster

Regrets after moving in with DP - feeling very sad!!

78 replies

Username3000 · 09/08/2024 08:38

I really need to let this out after another night of no sleep and really would love some thoughts on it.

After two years together I moved 40 miles to move in with DP about two months ago.

He owns his house and I received a section 21 to vacate my rented property from my landlord which was when he suggested I move into his. For clarity I am also looking to buy a property and have put an offer on one. This is now underway and I have just received the mortgage offer.

The problem is since I’ve moved in with him I feel very different about our relationship. I have absolutely no idea where it’s all come from but I feel very different about DP and whether I want to be with him anymore. He hasn’t done anything specifically to warrant this feeling but I think from living together I’ve realised that I’m really not sure if it’s meant to be.

I do love him and care about him, but I’m now worried it’s now not a romantic style of love I have for him. Things have been so hectic lately I guess we’ve lost the chemistry and ‘fun’ to our relationship and it just feels very routine. I feel like we’re passing ships at the moment. Both work long hours and stressed about our jobs too so that doesn’t help. I have tried speaking to him about this and he has admitted he doesn’t know what to suggest.

It’s mad but it’s even conjured up missing my old life. I am divorced (divorced 5 years) and did have a happy life until we both agreed we had grown apart and split. It’s feel really weird to say this but I’ve had moments of missing my old life, ex husband and missing that feeling of loving someone!

I guess I just don’t feel very happy right now and I’ve noticed I’m getting teary a lot, feeling low and just wanting to escape. I have a history of depression which is well medicated and I am due a medication review as I feel it’s plateaued and I’m starting to feel very panicky at everything!

Its so very hard to talk about it to him as he doesn’t really know how to respond. My gut feeling is telling me I’m just not happy.

I’m also not sure if these feelings have been brought on by moving to a completely new town and area. I’m still finding my feet with everything here and miss the luxury of feeling settled somewhere.

I don’t want to throw away a relationship that has been very good to me. We never argue, have had some brilliant times and I feel comfortable with him. I don’t want to throw it away just because I don’t feel very settled right now. On the other hand I don’t want to continue something where underneath I’m just unhappy. It wouldn’t be fair on me or him. We’re both late 30s and have spoken about marriage before as he wishes to marry in the future so I don’t want to carry on a relationship where I don’t feel I have a future with him.

OP posts:
Onoriafox · 16/04/2025 11:58

Salarygoals · 09/08/2024 09:20

I'm going to sound really harsh and probably get flamed for it but you mentioned growing apart in your previous relationship and you are mentioning a similar deadening down in this relationship- the common denominator in every situation we face is always ourselves. So may be worth doing some internal work.

I say that as someone who moved around a lot and realised that everywhere I go, there I am.
External circumstances can also play a part but aren't always within our control.

This!

Onoriafox · 16/04/2025 12:09

Username3000 · 19/08/2024 03:36

I think as time goes on I’m getting more annoyed at the things he’s doing.

For example I gave him £100 cash for food shopping yesterday. He goes out to the supermarket and comes back with nothing for actual meals we can cook. It’s all complete crap. His diet isn’t great but I feel frustrated he’s just thrown my money away like that. He spent a load of it on bloody protein shakes for him.

I have also realised I’m doing most of the household chores. I’ve had to ask him multiple times for help with them and only when it comes across as ‘nagging’ does he actually do anything. I’m frustrated at him and he is frustrated at me and it does nothing for romance does it?! I am upset at myself that I’ve taken on the role of his mother.. it certainly feels like that. I think he enjoys the fact I love a clean and tidy house as he knows I’ll do it all.

I think my gut feeling was right and I am starting to find the things he does unattractive. It’s turning me off him and making it very clear to me that I don’t want that. It’s not one specific thing, it’s a collection of them that’s built this overall negative picture in my head.

I feel frustrated it’s taken two years to come to light though however I have a feeling we’d never be able to really live together if this relationship continued.

I would be more inclined to ask why you moved in and started taking care of HIS house. Especially as it was temporary and never going to be a joint home. You can’t blame it all on him - it’s a dance - not one sided. You have both brought about the situation.

moving in and adopting a mum role is just as much not developing the relationship which you lay at his door in your more modest opening posts.

if it were me I’d be curious as well about how moving around a lot has served you and how much you actually lived with ex husband.

it’s a big red herring 🐟 to look backwards in the way you are, if you had felt loved it would not have ended

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 16/04/2025 12:22

Onoriafox · 16/04/2025 12:09

I would be more inclined to ask why you moved in and started taking care of HIS house. Especially as it was temporary and never going to be a joint home. You can’t blame it all on him - it’s a dance - not one sided. You have both brought about the situation.

moving in and adopting a mum role is just as much not developing the relationship which you lay at his door in your more modest opening posts.

if it were me I’d be curious as well about how moving around a lot has served you and how much you actually lived with ex husband.

it’s a big red herring 🐟 to look backwards in the way you are, if you had felt loved it would not have ended

Edited
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The OP’s thread is from last August. The thread is long since over and she moved on.

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