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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where is he really from?

146 replies

shewhosellsshoes · 08/08/2024 16:38

Been seeing a guy for a few weeks, seems to be going well.
Originally told me he was Greek, said parents were born there but he was raised in Turkey. Then I overheard him telling someone who served us in a cafe that he's of Azerbaijani origins (no idea who that conversation came up as I'd been in the toilet and later joined him in the queue).
Over the couple of weeks following this, I starting getting bit suspicious so asked if he'd show me his passport or UK visa so that I could be certain about his true nationality. Not that I have any problems with any nationality, I just need to know who he is and where he's really from! Like, seriously.
He got a bit cagey and said his passport is being held by the Home Office. I was like why on earth would that be? As far as I'm aware, none of the 3 countries he's mentioned so far are particularly dangerous, risky etc.
He said it's because there's an admin problem with the passport but refused to elaborate. I asked to see any national ID card or driving license etc but he said doesn't have them.
Google searches reveal nobody with the name he's been using. And it's a name that isn't particularly foreign-sounding. Think along the lines of "Johnny" or "Freddie".
How can I find out who he really is? I like him a lot but doesn't want to invest my time in a potential relationship with someone who either turns out to be lying about his nationality or maybe turns out to have no legal status in the UK.
Appearance wise, he's pretty generic looking... Could pass as being from anywhere Mediterrean, Middle East or Eastern Europe. Just don't know what do do. He speaks with an accent but I can't place it. I've never actually heard him speak his native language (whatever that might be), so can't even guess at what it is or would sound like.
What do I do?

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/08/2024 00:36

He’s hiding stuff from you and lying. The red flag couldn’t be more obvious. Who cares where he’s from? Move on and find somebody who values honesty and won’t lie to you.

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 09/08/2024 00:44

Don’t date a liar @shewhosellsshoes

AngelusBell · 09/08/2024 00:50

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/08/2024 00:36

He’s hiding stuff from you and lying. The red flag couldn’t be more obvious. Who cares where he’s from? Move on and find somebody who values honesty and won’t lie to you.

I agree - unless the OP is training to work for the Home Office or Interpol, all this detective work is a waste of time and energy.

violetto · 09/08/2024 01:41

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck.....

Candyrushsaga · 09/08/2024 07:31

In the past people lied about their nationality because those countries were not part of the EU, hence their working right s were very limited or they had entered the country illegally. It’s more common than most people think. And they were from all walks of life, they were just seizing a better opportunity.

twentysevendresses · 09/08/2024 08:03

fatphalange · 08/08/2024 19:00

It actually sounds very plausible to me but I've lived internationally myself and therefore know lots of people with similar backgrounds to that of your man. Of course there's a 'dodgy illegal immigrant' rhetoric going round atm....yawn.

'Lots of people' with no ID at all? No social media at all?

Ok then 👌🏻🤦‍♀️

Riverswims · 09/08/2024 08:05

SauviGone · 08/08/2024 16:57

You have no clue who this guy is.

You don't know his name, his nationality, where he works, he apparently has no passport, driving license or any form of ID, he's not on any social media. I'm presuming you also don't know where he lives, as in you've never been to his home. Have you even seen his name on his bank credit/debit cards?

This sounds like the start of a true crime podcast.

or Who the F%^K did I Marry!

Riverswims · 09/08/2024 08:14

fatphalange · 08/08/2024 19:00

It actually sounds very plausible to me but I've lived internationally myself and therefore know lots of people with similar backgrounds to that of your man. Of course there's a 'dodgy illegal immigrant' rhetoric going round atm....yawn.

you date him then 🤷🏽‍♀️

MrsCarson · 09/08/2024 08:46

He could be illegal, looking for a sponsor and may an anchor baby.

Getonwitit · 09/08/2024 09:23

Bloody hell, are you a gluten for punishment ? He is telling you a pack of lies, you know it but yet here you are still trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole, why? Walk away like you know you should do.

fatphalange · 09/08/2024 12:59

@Riverswims grow up.

Trebol · 09/08/2024 13:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request

GreenIvyy · 09/08/2024 13:28

all sounds a bit dodge! Lies upon lies from the off. I wonder what hes hiding from? Illegally here, been told to leave the country and hes gone into hiding? Hes committed a crime in own country/uk and they are looking for him? Save yourself a good deal of heartbreak and move on. Fgs do not get pregnant! I imagine hes hoping to get married/have baby so he can get a visa. Open your eyes 👀

Notaflippinclue · 12/08/2024 00:56

Are you punching

NameChangeAndLifeChange · 12/08/2024 04:02

How does he pay for things?

Does he have bank cards or cash?

MadameMassiveSalad · 12/08/2024 07:03

shewhosellsshoes · 08/08/2024 16:53

The thing is, I genuinely don't mind WHERE he's from! My sister suggested maybe he's ashamed of where he's from of worried about "scaring me off" if I know... Tbh, it's the not knowing that scares me.

It doesn't matter where he's from. It matters that he's a liar.

MadameMassiveSalad · 12/08/2024 07:06

Getonwitit · 09/08/2024 09:23

Bloody hell, are you a gluten for punishment ? He is telling you a pack of lies, you know it but yet here you are still trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole, why? Walk away like you know you should do.

Maybe OP is gluten free? 🤔

Deipara · 12/08/2024 07:12

I would wager he's from Azerbaijan. He probably feels more able to tell a stranger in the cafe the truth than you. Anyway it's neither here nor there really he's lying to you and unless he comes forward to you with the truth pretty sharpish, I would advise you move on.

Riverswims · 12/08/2024 17:07

fatphalange · 09/08/2024 12:59

@Riverswims grow up.

😂😂😂😂

icelolly12 · 12/08/2024 17:21

shewhosellsshoes · 08/08/2024 16:53

The thing is, I genuinely don't mind WHERE he's from! My sister suggested maybe he's ashamed of where he's from of worried about "scaring me off" if I know... Tbh, it's the not knowing that scares me.

As it should, nationality is quite a big thing to lie about, what other secrets has he got in his closet?!

JumalanTerve · 12/08/2024 17:26

Unless he's the happily ever after, do you really need this potential drama in your life? What would happen if you had a family together and he then had to fight a deportation battle through the courts? In your position I would drop him immediately

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