SETBACK IN BREAKUP-PLEASE HELP

[Anon645]

Hi everyone, looking for advice.

I broke up with my ex in December last year. It absolutely devastated me, I was head over heels for him and I absolutely didn't want it.

He said for various reasons that he needed time to himself and we could possibly try again in the future . He wasn't ruling us out entirely but he said he couldn't do it at the time.

After our breakup due
to all the emotions and upset he blocked me on all platforms and this has remained the same for the past 6 months..
I recently discovered he has unblocked me amd has kept me unblocked for a few days.
Naturally I got excited and saw him unblocking me as a positive sign and that he was open to communication. (Why else go to the trouble of unblocking someone?!) I'd been dying to speak him for the past 6/7months , it's all I've thought about. So when I saw he'd unblocked me I sent him a very short message 'How are you? Why have you unblocked me ?' No response from him.... so I sent another similar one in the evening and he said 'sorry for unblocking you , but can you leave me alone ? I don't want to talk '
As you can imagine I was absolutely crushed and shocked as to me him unblocking me meant he was at least open to the possibility of talking..
I was crushed and gutted and I messaged saying 'I've missed you so so much the past 7 months and I still care for you. So why have you unblocked me if you dont want to talk? ' He said 'I don't know why I unblocked you, I shouldn't have done it clearly. Leave me be , I don't want to talk. For christ sake ' and he blocked me.

I'm absolutely crushed. I feel like I'm right back to square one with my healing. I'm equally angry at him unblocking me as he knew it would give me false hope and set me back, and equally devastated as I realise that the past 7 months I've been missing him greatly every day and yet he doesn't want to even speak. :(

Anyone got any advice or hand hold ?
It honestly feels like losing him all over again. I've cried, can't sleep nor eat. It's feeling like back to day one. (And this could have been avoided him by not unblocking him!!)

Block/Delete him. Have a clean break and move on
It's awful and emotional but no contact or social media links is the best way to heal.

Delete his number. Then you’ll have no idea what he is or isn’t doing. He clearly didn’t want to talk, probably wanted to check what you were up to / were still interested, and got what he wanted

Maybe, but why ?! It seems so cruel to unblock me to see if I'm still interested etc if he won't even talk to me.
It's selfish, it's set me back.

You need to block him/delete him and re-start your healing journey. He clearly doesn't want to speak to you and it sounds like there has been a lot of heartbreak in this break up, you need to try your best to start moving on with your life.

Time is the best healer and you will be absolutely fine but it's important you allow yourself to accept the relationship is over, the break up will be painful but you need to move forward and continue living your life

Sorry OP - break ups can be shite x

How did you know he’d unblocked you? If you are checking social media every day for months for this, maybe the best thing would be to take control yourself and remove him so that you can’t see what he is up to?

I'm so hurt and angry that he unblocked me. It naturally gives the impression he was at least open to communication or recieving communication from me. He knows me and he knows it would have got me excited and given me false hope.

I feel like I've been dropped from a great height. I don't know why on earth he unblocked me to not speak /not converse and reblock me...
It's so selfish.

I'd imagine it is whatsapp. It's easy to see if you've been blocked or unblocked.

Shouldn't have waited for 8 months wondering if he would come back and monitoring him. You could have moved on by now.

Who knows why he unblocked. Who cares. He doesn't.

No it isn't selfish. By the sound of it he had to block you due to all the emotions and upset

Do you mean you were very emotional and he blocked you as he didn't want anymore emotional messages from you.

Now he's unblocked you and realised it was a mistake as months later you're still not moving on.

Just leave it. It's really quite embarrassing for you to be this hung up all these months later and all you've done is confirm he was right to end it.

It wasn't 8 months..
I saw he unblocked me in July so it was 7 months and in all honesty I don't know how long I was unblocked for before noticing , it could easily have been a few weeks so it could have been June.

No he didn't block me due to emotional messages from my end.. He was angry at what he'd done and the fact he'd cheated so he blocked me .
Maybe get the facts from me before making harsh assumptions about me being 'embarrassing " 🙄

And also he was the one who said once he'd sorted his sh*t out that we could possibly try again and he'd be open to potentially reconciling. HE SAID THAT, NOT ME. HE gave me that hope. So I'm not sure why I'm 'embarrassing ' for being in love with someone (right or wrong ) who literally last year gave me hope we'd reconcile this year...
He's the one who said that and who now unblocked me again literally giving the impression he was open to speaking.

'HE was right to end it ' ? Why is that ?
He cheated on me for weeks behind my back and then left me for her. (After I'd helped him with huge problems he'd had and given him nothing but love , support and loyalty )

He betrayed me and used me. I didnt.
So why why 'he right to end it ' ?

Oh this gets better. He cheated on you and left you for her and blocked you and you've spent months burning your heart out over him.

Grab a hold of yourself OP. Why would you want him back?

Anyone can end a relationship for any reason or no reason. We don't have to like it, we are allowed to be heartbroken but we HAVE to accept it.

I walk away when a relationship is over now matter how much I'm.hurt I won't let them know it.

You've just proven to him that he made the right choice with the harassing him as soon as he unblocked

Gosh it sounds like this man treated you appallingly! Why would you want to reconcile? Why would you allow yourself to want to be with or be with someone who could treat you so cruelly? You need to take time to really heal and to see him for what he really is.

Work on yourself and getting firm boundaries in place.

Sorry you are hurting - that sucks. But he is not worth the emotion you are investing in him.

He cheated on you, OP? I get you loved him and are still devastated but I think you need to find that anger and a bit of self respect. I mean this really gently because you sound like you were really blindsided by his behaviour.

I might be a different generation to you but blocking and unblocking someone on social media, telling someone you need time and might be back in touch at some point... all of this doesn't hint at emotional maturity. Or a man that you want a committed, equal relationship with.

Why are you so convinced you are so destined to be together?

Move on.

You can keep torturing yourself over him or get on with your real life.

I think you may be reading too much into the blocking/ unblocking. It seems like some people use it as a form of communication in itself. Here’s an alternative perspective, which may help you understand where he might be coming from: I don’t block people as a rule. If I don’t want to talk to them, then I just don’t do it. I find blocking a bit unpleasant and I don’t like the feeling that I have done it to another person. I may do it in the short term if someone is being difficult and/or I don’t have headspace for them right there and then (although generally I will just silence them), but I always remove the block after a short while. It doesn’t mean I want communication with them, it is just that I don’t like blocking people.

If he is like me, some months down the line he thinks things have calmed down and he doesn’t like the idea of blocking someone who he once liked and cared for. It is all in the past and seems unnecessary. So he unblocks and thinks that’s that and life has moved on. Then you message him, it is clear that you are in a different headspace, and he thinks it best to block you again, so that you understand that unblocking does not mean he wants to talk.

@Anon645 - you sound terribly vulnerable. There isn’t much difference between 7 and 8 months.

You don’t say how long you were with your ex. But have you reflected on why you want to rekindle a relationship with someone who cheated on you for weeks and left you for someone else? Why do you want him back? He’s not a safe partner for you. And what appalling arrogance on his part to assume you would want him back. The things he said as he was leaving were almost certainly just intended to make him feel a bit better about himself. I mean - look, he expresses anger with himself at cheating on you by ending the relationship and blocking you? That makes no sense. He clearly just wanted time and space to fuck around and see if the grass was greener elsewhere.

Heartbreak is horrible. Most of us have been through it. You need to start moving on. It may take a while yet but time really is the best healer. In the meantime, try and be as busy as possible with other things.

Maybe get the facts from me before making harsh assumptions about me being 'embarrassing " 🙄

The facts should have been in post 1. I am not a mind reader.

Nonetheless it IS embarrassing you've hung on all this time to someone who cheated and left you and blocked you. Your update makes your behaviour even more embarrassing than before.

I can't get my head around wanting to have anything to do with someone after treating you like that.

But keep your way OP I am done.

I think he just wanted to have a nosey at what you're up to. He probably didn't think you'd contact him so quickly after unblocking you.
Block him back OP he will either wonder why and try and contact you another way (when he's ready) or he will not care and then you can move on x

Why do you want this twerp back, OP?

You need to block and delete his number and move on OP. He is not interested and this is making you look needy and embarrassing.

You will never know why he unblocked you, and if he would definitely have known you would notice ut is really unkind.

You can't control his behaviour only yours. He cheated on you, dumped you, blocked you and now ignored you again after unblocking. You deserve much better. Delete his number/social media focus on yourself, raising your self esteem and realising you deserve much better.

"He cheated on me for weeks behind my back"

"He betrayed me and used me"

"I'm so hurt and angry that he unblocked me"

"he's so selfish"

"I feel like I've been dropped from a great height"

"I'm absolutely crushed"

"I've cried, can't sleep nor eat"

You've said all these things @Anon645 but you are still living in hope of a reconciliation

What on earth would your relationship look like, to you, if you ever did get back together. He has ripped your heart out and stamped on it.

Clinging on, hoping for him to throw you crumbs is so damaging and unhealthy for you

Please do not put the key to your happiness in his pocket, he really is not worth your angst.

It is so saddening to hear your pain, you must heal yourself, however slowly, and not look back. 🌸

The fact the guy cheated on you for weeks and left you FOR HER, and you're still messaging him waiting around for him being slightly unhinged, is embarrassing.

Where is your bar? Jesus Christ. Why do women put up with this shit.

All of this angst over an absolute shitbag of a man? Good grief, your bar is so, so low. You should have been thrilled to never hear from this loser again, and instead you've wasted nearly a year of your life pining over him.

Genuinely, you need therapy to help figure yourself out and start making better choices.