SETBACK IN BREAKUP-PLEASE HELP

[Anon645]

Hi everyone, looking for advice.

I broke up with my ex in December last year. It absolutely devastated me, I was head over heels for him and I absolutely didn't want it.

He said for various reasons that he needed time to himself and we could possibly try again in the future . He wasn't ruling us out entirely but he said he couldn't do it at the time.

After our breakup due
to all the emotions and upset he blocked me on all platforms and this has remained the same for the past 6 months..
I recently discovered he has unblocked me amd has kept me unblocked for a few days.
Naturally I got excited and saw him unblocking me as a positive sign and that he was open to communication. (Why else go to the trouble of unblocking someone?!) I'd been dying to speak him for the past 6/7months , it's all I've thought about. So when I saw he'd unblocked me I sent him a very short message 'How are you? Why have you unblocked me ?' No response from him.... so I sent another similar one in the evening and he said 'sorry for unblocking you , but can you leave me alone ? I don't want to talk '
As you can imagine I was absolutely crushed and shocked as to me him unblocking me meant he was at least open to the possibility of talking..
I was crushed and gutted and I messaged saying 'I've missed you so so much the past 7 months and I still care for you. So why have you unblocked me if you dont want to talk? ' He said 'I don't know why I unblocked you, I shouldn't have done it clearly. Leave me be , I don't want to talk. For christ sake ' and he blocked me.

I'm absolutely crushed. I feel like I'm right back to square one with my healing. I'm equally angry at him unblocking me as he knew it would give me false hope and set me back, and equally devastated as I realise that the past 7 months I've been missing him greatly every day and yet he doesn't want to even speak. :(

Anyone got any advice or hand hold ?
It honestly feels like losing him all over again. I've cried, can't sleep nor eat. It's feeling like back to day one. (And this could have been avoided him by not unblocking him!!)

Why do you want to get back together with someone who

Cheated on you
Left you
Blocked you
then messed around with your feelings by unblocking you
Rejected you and told you to go away.

how much more evidence you need that he doesn't want to be with you.

its painful, but at least you can work with facts.

its concerning that you're willing to throw yourself at someone who hasn't given you a glimmer of hope that he wants to be in your company. You need to come to terms with that reality, painful though it is.

You are embarrassing. He cheated on you and you are desperate to get back in contact with him.

Save yourself more heartache and STIs and move on.

OP, please don't try to analyse why he blocked then unblocked you. He's not interested and he's made that crystal clear. The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept its over and block him on everything.

You've been given advice that you need to block him and move on- it seems you'd rather agonise over why he's unblocked you- no one here is going to jump up and say that's a great idea. He cheated on you, left you for her, and yet told you he may be open to dumping her and coming back to you in the future. You've continued to 'cyberstalk' ( loosely) his account, and saw you were unblocked now, so sent 2 messages in one day. He told you to not contact him. Instead of trying to dissect this, block, delete, stop limiting your social outings based on him and find someone to help you move on. It's been 7 months- him still having this level of impact on you and your MH is not healthy- especially considering the whole fucking around and leaving you.

He is a cheating arsehole. You are well rid. You won’t start to recover if you don’t rip the plaster. Block him. Fond ways to distract yourself from thinking about him/checking on him. It is a bad habit you need to break, and you will feel hellish for a while. If you don’t do it you’ll feel hellish indefinitely. And yes, it’s not easy.

OP, he is cruel and selfish. He dumped you, then unblocked you just long enough to check you still longed for him.

He’s not good for you, probably not good for anyone. If you got back together he would keep hurting you. Don’t give him that power. Please close your mind to him, move on and enjoy life with better people.

You are not wrong for having emotions, being in love with him, and being crushed by his cheating behaviour and subsequent dismissal of you. To those who have implied you are pathetic for feeling this way, perhaps they’ve never truly loved someone or been that vulnerable, or maybe they are the type to use, toy with someone and dump, because they aren’t particularly deep thinkers and love themselves only. Don’t be hurt by the words of shallow individuals. You loved him and it will take time to heal from all the pain he has caused you, and the false hopes he gave you. I agree with others who have said you need to delete his number, and don’t store it anywhere. Then focus on healing. Better than you don’t know whether you are blocked or unblocked. Leave the ball in his court if you currently don’t feel strong enough to block him. Lots of love x

Op he was extremely cruel to give you false hope by saying he’d be open to trying again in the future (ie potentially if it didn’t work out with the woman he was cheating with).

don’t accept those scraps for yourself. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. Not someone who keeps you in the background for an ego boost and prevented you from getting closure

@Anon645 - you've had quite a pile-on here. You are clearly hurting very much as you thought this man was going to be 'the one'.

Please read WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH, by Dr Robin Norwood. I'm sure it'll help you.

Though I'd also suggest counselling in addition.

He cheated on you. He blocked you. Why are you acting like he's a prize?!

Get some self-respect. Or at least some self-awareness. Don't embarrass yourself.

its called "keeping the bed warm".....he is treataing you exactly as he feels bout you.block him. move on.hes a waste of time energy and emotion.there are litterally millions of men in the world.hes a twat

Please for your own good, erase him from your life. I’ve been where you are and it’s so very difficult.

The only way to get beyond this is to eliminate him from your life. You’re too good for him anyway– he’s shown you that be trusted, so stop wishing and hoping. Admit to yourself that it’s over. Raise your bar, stop all contact, find new interests to occupy your mind, meet new people and will yourself to get him out of your head. The more time and distance, the more he will become part of your past. I did it and it worked. It’s the only way.

*He’s shown you that he CAN’T be trusted.

I'm really sorry you're hurting, but you have closure now and I think that's for the best. You can finally heal and move on.

Once you are out of this and can look back objectively you will realise 2 things:

• if he really wanted you he would have contacted you. Not quietly unblocked and left you to do the chasing.
• he's a cheating bastard and you deserve better.

Christ OP, get a bloody grip.

I've often unblocked people I've previously had blocked after months, simply because I assumed they weren't psychotic and obsessively checking if they were still blocked or not. Lesson learnt for me now, never unblock.

You don't have any right to be angry at him for your inability to grow up and move on.

He's a liar and a cheat. Why would you want him back? You need to stay single for a while until you learn to establish firm boundaries on what's acceptable behaviour in a relationship.

He unblocked you possibly due to another woman in his life wanting to have a look at you and see if he was still in contact with you, i.e him liking your photos.

It's over, you now know 100% that it's finished.

Op, I know people who would 100% take the unblocking as a sign he was potentially interested ; social media use now is full of nuance and it's awful that you've been so hurt. I wonder if you are younger than some posters? No disrespect to anyone byte but I'm on my 50s and my oldest are in their 20s and we use SM very differently.
I think the most likely explanation is he assumed you would have moved on and was a bit nosy and bored one day. I doubt he thought you were still interested but it would be a possible option one day.
He has very clearly said he doesn't want contact and you are right back at the start. This time though you know it was just weasly words about maybe getting back together. You can do this. He's an arsehole and you are better than him.

Actually the OP was pretty rude and angry to me - and it is so misplaced. She responds with rudeness and eye roll emoji then all bets are off I'm afraid.

Of course we've all had a broken heart but the majority of people don't put their life on hold and hope that a lying cheater comes back and still wants us.

It is exceptional and it is pretty embarrassing of the OP to be this wrapped in a man who treated her like that after 7 months.

OP is English your first language?

Something does seem very dramatic about the language you use. I’m not sure what a “tiny text” is either. You sent him overbearing messages.

Also being unblocked is NOT a sign that he is open to conversation. It’s creepy that you see that in this way. He has not misled you nor gave you false hope.

Him being open to conversation would be if he sent you a message! He did not. That would be a clear sign he is open to talking to you.

Also I don’t understand how he could have betrayed you, cheated, been with her for some time, and rejected you then and rejected you now…but you still want him. You sound desperate for attention because he was not a good partner to you. What specifically is it that makes it make sense to ignore his transgressions?

Have you tried dating again? You just need to see that being treated this way isn’t normal, and it’s not normal to desperately want him back.

Op, I know people who would 100% take the unblocking as a sign he was potentially interested ; social media use now is full of nuance and it's awful that you've been so hurt. I wonder if you are younger than some posters? No disrespect to anyone byte but I'm on my 50s and my oldest are in their 20s and we use SM very differently.

I am in my 20s and grew up with social media. I definitely don’t see unblocking someone as a sign you’re potentially interested in them. If I unblocked someone and they immediately messaged me, I’d find that creepy and not flattering and would block them again.

The best thing to do was wait. If he messaged he was interested. If he didn't he wasn't. To send a message immediately on noticing the unblocking and asking why was the creepy thing. Then asking again then messaging again after being told to leave him alone.

He was possibly deleting her number entirely. He might not have wanted her in his phone at all and a blocked number stays there.

Great advice.
What advice would you give your best friend?
Write it down.
Then follow that advice.
He is not a nice guy.
He cheated on you, for months and you want him back?
You are asking for more abuse by opening up the communications but in reality you should have got angry, blocked him and moved on. Please take control, block and move on as you can never trust him again.

Hi OP
In my experience the only way to feel better in any situation is to take back control. You take back control then he looses any power over you.
For whatever reason you were not right together. He treated you dreadfully. He hasn't changed and so you can't expect the outcome to be any different. Do you really want to go back to feeling the way he made you feel when he cheated and betrayed you?
You are worth better than that. You block him. You choose to start to heal. You control the most important part of the situation -you.