SETBACK IN BREAKUP-PLEASE HELP

[Anon645]

Hi everyone, looking for advice.

I broke up with my ex in December last year. It absolutely devastated me, I was head over heels for him and I absolutely didn't want it.

He said for various reasons that he needed time to himself and we could possibly try again in the future . He wasn't ruling us out entirely but he said he couldn't do it at the time.

After our breakup due
to all the emotions and upset he blocked me on all platforms and this has remained the same for the past 6 months..
I recently discovered he has unblocked me amd has kept me unblocked for a few days.
Naturally I got excited and saw him unblocking me as a positive sign and that he was open to communication. (Why else go to the trouble of unblocking someone?!) I'd been dying to speak him for the past 6/7months , it's all I've thought about. So when I saw he'd unblocked me I sent him a very short message 'How are you? Why have you unblocked me ?' No response from him.... so I sent another similar one in the evening and he said 'sorry for unblocking you , but can you leave me alone ? I don't want to talk '
As you can imagine I was absolutely crushed and shocked as to me him unblocking me meant he was at least open to the possibility of talking..
I was crushed and gutted and I messaged saying 'I've missed you so so much the past 7 months and I still care for you. So why have you unblocked me if you dont want to talk? ' He said 'I don't know why I unblocked you, I shouldn't have done it clearly. Leave me be , I don't want to talk. For christ sake ' and he blocked me.

I'm absolutely crushed. I feel like I'm right back to square one with my healing. I'm equally angry at him unblocking me as he knew it would give me false hope and set me back, and equally devastated as I realise that the past 7 months I've been missing him greatly every day and yet he doesn't want to even speak. :(

Anyone got any advice or hand hold ?
It honestly feels like losing him all over again. I've cried, can't sleep nor eat. It's feeling like back to day one. (And this could have been avoided him by not unblocking him!!)

Sorry but you need to get a grip and move on, he is clearly stringing you along because he knows you will wait. He cheated on you and has told you that he might want to work things out in the future ?? Why are you letting him do this to you ? Don't lose whatever dignity you have left waiting on him.

Whatever he did before, someone unblocking you is not a hidden message that you should get in touch to reconcile. Id wager most people archive or delete or don't even notice whether an ex has blocked or unblocked. He has fingers and can text, if he wants to reconcile he knows where you are.

Why are you jumping at the possibility of reconciliation after what he did anyway

I'm sorry OP, that's awful.

In the past I've unblocked exes and ex friends simply because I was being nosey and wanted to see what they were upto, so it may have been curiosity that he doesn't want to admit.

The best way to heal is to block him so he can't unblock you again in the future. If you can, throw yourself into spending time with friends and family and focus on some me time when they're not available.

I did accept it? I didn't speak to him for 6/7 months. I didn't ask mutual friends about him. I actively avoided events he'd be at... 'harassing him' you're making out like I turned up at his house or work for goodness sake. I had no contact for 6/7 months and I actively avoided mutual friends and events he'd be at. Sounds like the OPPOSITE of harassing to me ...

All I did was sent him TWO texts acter 7 months after HE unblocked me which he absolurely knew would give me hope. So I don't know why you're trying to bring me down and make me feel bad about myself 'harassing " him after 2 tiny texts.

Don't think you know what 'harassing ' is. My family member works in the police. Harassment is nothing the same as that. People who harass turn up at their workplace/their home / their family members place. They get new numbers and ring from different phones. They actively go to mutual events .
I'm the opposite. So don't put me in the same category.

I feel so low at the moment that I dont need false accusations like that. Its completely unwarranted. I did accept it despite being heartbroken. Yes I wish I was over it. But matters of the heart aren't that easy. There's no timescale. And you saying 'he made the right voice ' because I apparently 'harass' him is genuinely false and undeserved. I didn't/don't.

@Anon645
You have pined over him in a way that meant you knew when he'd unblocked you. That's so unhealthy.
Please get some talking therapy and go and enjoy life please.

He unblocked you as he has moved on & assumed you had as well. It is a sign he has completely let go but you interpreted as one of potential reconciliation. He mentioned reconciliation as a possibility to make him feel less of a 💩 for what he had done, that’s all.

you need to delete and/or block him. It is over. His actions (not words) make this abundantly clear.

In the kindest way possible…

you need to get a grip and move the fuck on.

yes it’s hard but you need to do it for yourself, he cheated on you, and he doesn’t want to be with you. He obviously likes knowing that you still want him and would take him back in a heart beat- it’s feeding his ego! But despite what promises he made or what he said, he doesn’t want to be with you (otherwise he wouldn’t have cheated and left you!) and he’s not going to change his mind.
do yourself a massive favour and put this all behind you and move the hell on. Find someone that appreciates you and treats you well!

I didn't read your whole post, but to me it seems like he just wants to play the field. Dumped you, playing around, blocked you so it's not awkward, but after the dust has settled, unblocked you to keep the door open for future shags if his pond dries up.

hi OP in kindest way you need therapy,
just because he unblocked you it doesnt mean he wants to talk, how did you even know you are unblocked? seriously have a head wobble this is not healthy

Sorry but this man does not want you. I can’t stand men who do the whole “maybe we can try again later”. It’s a load of rubbish. If someone wants to be with you, they wouldn’t let you go. He unblocked you to see if you were still pining for him, and by messaging him, you’ve given him what he wanted. He clearly loves the attention and the thought of you still obsessing over him.

Block him. Stop stalking his social media. Have more respect for yourself. I’m sorry to say but you sound really needy and very vulnerable. In 8 months you could have moved on, not wasted time upset over this complete idiot!

Gently, I think this is just a mismatch in perspectives around blocking. Some people view blocking/unblocking as a way of sending a message, which it seems aligns with your view. Others simply view it as a curation tool and don't really consider how/if it'll be read into, which sounds like his view. There could be all sorts of reasons behind the unblock, and it quite possibly never even crossed his mind to consider how you'd interpret it. Perhaps he was clearing out the block list and you happened to be one of the several unblocked. Maybe he felt like unblocking you was closure as he moved on. Regardless, you'll never know what exactly he was or wasn't thinking, as he isn't open to communication now. I think he's been clear, and while I'm so sorry that this has been hurtful, I would take this as a sign that it is time to close this chapter and look forward to the next.

God I’ve just seen he cheated on you and yet you’re still desperate to reconcile! You need therapy and help with your self esteem. It should be HIM who is hoping for reconciliation after he hurt you.

Also, he was angry at himself for what he did to you so that’s why he blocked you? What? You can’t seriously believe that? He blocked you because he didn’t want to speak to you anymore.

Stop blaming him, he has done nothing wrong.

He doesn’t want to be with you, he doesn’t want to speak to you.
He has made that perfectly clear, so I don’t understand why you are accusing him of giving you false hope.

All you have to do is delete his number and messages etc and then you wouldn’t know if he had unblocked you or not.

Its one thing to be upset that he still doesn’t want you back.
But it’s not ok to blame him or act like he’s done something wrong, when he hasn’t.

Take responsibility for your own actions.
Leave the poor guy alone.

Don't think you know what 'harassing ' is. My family member works in the police. Harassment is nothing the same as that. People who harass turn up at their workplace/their home / their family members place. They get new numbers and ring from different phones. They actively go to mutual events .

Thank you for that OP, I'm a solicitor and I know better than you do or your family member does what harassment is. It's harassment if the unwanted behaviour has happened two times or more - texting is enough. I have seen it in practice.

You haven't moved on and you are harassing him by double texting when he hasn't replied to the first one and texting again when he told you he didn't want to talk.

Honestly OP seek professional help. You are coming across as completely unhinged.

The bottom line is HE DOES NOT WANT YOU.

Move on.

Your anger at this poster is so misplaced.

He cheated for months and left you for someone else. Yes I'm sure it hurt - but catch on OP, why on earth would you want to get back with someone who did that to you?

He didn't want you enough then to keep his dick in his pants; he doesn't want you now.

Delete his number and try and move on. Anything else is just going to put you back at step one of trying to get over him, which as we can see has been pretty disastrous.

I don’t know how long you two were together but if you’re still heartbroken over a cheater 8 months on, I think you ought to seek some counselling.

he’s an absolute arse, why would you want him back? Raise your standards.

I mean this with kindness, but you need to move on.
No one on this thread can explain why he unblocked you, but if he wanted to talk to you/be with you then he would be.
He has done a very typical thing(albeit wrong!), and tried to soften the blow of your break up by saying their might be hope in the future, but when he knew full well that there wasn't.
He has and is continuing to treat you poorly. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve someone that will treat you well, not someone who will cheat and lie and keep you on a hook.
Please block and delete him, please focus on yourself and learn you are worth so much more than this horrible man.

What help is it you want?

People are giving advice as you've requested but you don't seem to want to listen to any of it.

He didn't unblock you because he was open to speaking, if he was he would have messaged you.

Being honest, sitting and thinking about talking to someone who you've not seen in 6 months sounds obsessive. Delete his number, block him on everything and stop.

Anyone got any advice

My advice is to have some bloody dignity and stop obsessing over a man who dumped you eight months ago.

Your response to being unblocked was to message him, then upon getting no reply, to message him again. Then when he clearly told you he didn't want to talk, you messaged him again.

He may well be a selfish arsehole for all I know, but I don't care because it's irrelevant. If someone tells you they don't want to talk, LEAVE THEM ALONE. They don't owe you a conversation or an explanation. Everyone, even selfish arseholes, has a right to be left alone and nobody is obliged to have an overwrought conversation with you just because you've decided that's what you want/need for closure.

Honestly, you need to be better than this. Yes, it hurts like hell to be dumped and yes, it hurts like hell to have a little spark of hope and find out that you are mistaken. You can't help feeling the way you feel. But you can help the way you react to/express those feelings and this desperate melodramatic neediness is not good for you. Hold your head up and focus on moving on.

When a man wants to be with you, you will know about it.

He won’t sleep with other people behind your back then leave you for them. He won’t risk leaving you for 7 months in case you meet someone else. He won’t block you. When you text them saying I’ve missed you, they don’t ask you to leave them alone.

I am embarrassed and sad for you that someone who hurt you 7 months ago only had to unblock you for you to immediately start texting you miss them etc. Where is your pride and self-respect OP?

The only possible way you should even consider speaking to this prick again is if: he comes back crying and snivelling and begging and showing how he is sorry and has changed in great verifiable detail.

Unblocking you is nothing.

You need to block him this time. Completely. From everything. If he decides you are the one he’ll find a way.

Time to let go now OP. He isn’t coming back. He never was. He said what he needed to say to make his life easier at the time.

💐

You need to get a grip OP.
He cheated on you. How could you envisage a nice loving relationship with someone like that. You could never trust him if you got back together anyway.
You seem obsessed with him and it’s not healthy. Just let it go. Get out, enjoy your life and forget him.

OP, I'm embarrassed for you. Stop blaming him for the way you feel. He sounds like a complete idiot and is playing with you. What's there to love? He sounds awful.

You, on the other hand, sound so desperate. Get some self respect, or failing that some counselling for your self esteem. Why don't you channel your ridiculous pining into anger? Block him and move on.