I have NC for this. I read a piece in the Irish Times yesterday (won't link to it as it is subscriber only), the gist of it was that the woman has spent years having regular sex with her husband because he wanted it, to "keep the peace etc", not because she particularly wanted it, although she wasn't saying it wasn't consented to. She didn't dislike sex, didn't feel violated etc, just pointed out that many times she just went along with the sex without particularly wanting it. She called it "consensual but unwanted" sex.
I know that this will of course resonate with millions of women throughout the world, and my point is not exactly the same one but linked. I am in my 60s, have been married for many years. I am starting to wonder whether all men are as "absolutely basic" about sex as my DH. Essentially, if we have had sex in the past few days, he is a lovely man, calls me endearments, is kind and friendly etc etc. If a week or more goes by without sex he starts to become more and more silent, gets short with me, and if it goes on a bit longer, becomes outright rude, such as just ignoring me when I talk to him, or being slightly disrespectful in front of other people. Have sex again and he's all sweetness and light.
I don't dislike sex at all, although like most people I don't always feel like it (and like many women I will often go along with it as long as I don't feel actively averse to it in the moment). It's not the going-along-with-sex per se that is bothering me the most. It is the complete simplistic obviousness of his behaviour, which makes me feel increasingly annoyed with him. Sex=nice man, no sex=rude man. Such a black and while situation. It seems so unsubtle, unnuanced, just really stupid to be honest. And he is not a stupid man.
Is it all men or just him?