Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

[HazelSchmazel]

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

Well done for being so decisive and self assured!
I was seeing someone a few years ago and we split the bill on the first date which I was fine with, but then almost every time after that I ended up paying. I was slowly getting the ick and at one point even had to say to him it was his turn.

the final straw was when it was my birthday, I didn’t get a card (I’m not too fussed about cards but just saying, I wasn’t spoilt for my birthday by him at all), and he ordered a takeaway for us over the phone and then said he couldn’t find his card when it came to paying. I put it on mine and expected him to offer to transfer the money or something, but….. nothing. I even made a thread here about it and everyone was super lovely about it!

It is customary to tip. The fact that you are not well versed in this practice is not the staff’s issue. Their salary or wages will be set with consideration of the fact that they will get tips. It isn’t like the USA where people are reliant on tips.

Duoh!

What attracted you to this rich but otherwise pointless git?

What @PyongyangKipperbang wrote and also tell him your fanny is slammed shut now so no point.

Eww that would put me off too. I hate that kind of tigh-fistedness. He used your money to pay his bill, cheeky sod.

Hospitality staff get mw the same as many others of us in jobs that aren't tipped.

Tipping is good manners. Most people do it for this reason.

Apply for a waitressing job if you want to be tipped.

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

A few stories …here goes 😂

I went out on a date to the movies in Marble Arxh with a guy, their card machine wasn’t working so I had to pay it all on my card. Also I had brought a snack with me and he stuck his hands in the packet and took half out.

After the movies he made no attempt to try and get cash to pay me back so I pointed out an ATM and said to him to get my half back of the tickets money 😂 I waited until he paid me back. The same guy then invited me to a boat party in London and tried to do the same thing , wouldn’t buy anything for me or even himself but tried to put his unwashed hands on my food.

The third and final time I was going to meet he was so late that I just left but yeah I shouldn’t even have given him so many chances 😆

also met a guy in NYC that I ended up dating for a while but I should’ve realised the red flag - when he first bumped into me and my friend I was visiting in NYC, he invited us both out to a pizza place the next night. He then collected the money from each of us for the food which was only like one large pizza split between us.

It wasn’t exactly a date as there were three of us but he’d made clear to my friend that he liked me so he could have tried to impress me a bit and he had invited us out! He was a lawyer who owned properties in Brooklyn so he definitely could afford it.

He actually later wanted to get married and said I wouldn’t have to work if I didn’t want to blah blah, but I always thought of that first time and realised he’d be the kind of guy who held tightly to his money.

I am getting Justin vibes here!

Yes - I normally tip around 10%, but quite honestly I just wanted the date to be over and didn't want to spend ages grubbing around in my purse for £27.50 in change. So it was easier to grab £30 in notes and £2.50 seemed a small price to pay in order to get away quickly.

But I didn't intend this thread to be about the ethics/amount of tipping.

On reflection, when the bill arrived, he didn't seem to know what to do with it - he just sort of looked at it gormlessly, while taking no action. I'm now wondering if he expected me to pay the entire tab and was taken by surprise when I just put the £30 down.

Who paid for date 1? Or was it a lame coffee date?

Fanny slamming shut
omg OP i am HOWLING
😂😂😂😂

I see where you’re coming from @S0livagant but I really think the OPs coffee date pocketed the OPs (and server’s) £5

I once went on a date with a guy- just a coffee one, the bill was £5.50 for two coffees and he put down half and looked at me- are you not gonna pay for yours?

Now I dont mind paying for myself at a date, and mabe he didnt have much momney, all good. But we then went to arcades, we paid for a round (50/50) of pool and he started playing and didnt let me have a single go. After that I was like, f you.

Lame drinks date - 50/50

I don't want to be tipped, a fair wage for a job done to standard or above is my expectation. Good manners to me is being polite and friendly to waitstaff and barstaff, other low paid workers like myself. To leave the table tidy and easy for them to clear and pick up anything dropped on the floor. It's not to pay extra on top of the agreed price.

If he can't pay in full then its a bad job.

On reflection, when the bill arrived, he didn't seem to know what to do with it - he just sort of looked at it gormlessly, while taking no action. I'm now wondering if he expected me to pay the entire tab and was taken by surprise when I just put the £30 down.

I cannot think why he would think this, but it does sound a lot like a relative years ago. Went out for lovely meal in pub. I guess 4 different groups of the extended family. In his case, him, his wife and teenage son. Main meals were all around £10. Bill comes and he rather magnanimously takes out £30 and sort of throws it on the table with a "wow, I'm such a generous soul" gesture - like we should be grateful. None of us really knew what to do with that - he'd covered the three main courses, but no tip, no drinks, no teenager ice cream....

I think that was the last time we ever went out for a meal with them.

I have said I might have paid £20 in his position but I would have made it clear I owed the other person a drink. Neither party communicated their intentions clearly at the time.

Tip or no tip, he still took the OP's fiver and knocked it off his own bill. He wasn't to know it was a tip, she could have been waiting for her £5 change!

I'd have to text him back. Something along the lines of some of the suggestions here. No doubt he'll tell you he didn't realise or something similar

It's not normal not to tip in the UK!

On my first date with my current boyfriend he took me out to a lovely vegan restaurant (he’d checked with me before he booked) and paid for the 3 course meal at the end 👌although of course i offered to pay my share he insisted.

I love to eat and be treated so I knew he was my kind of man 😂 - obviously there were other things I liked about him too!

He still tries to pay more often than not unless it’s just a coffee or something, but I make sure I pick up the bill sometimes for lunches and dinners.

I know some women want to go 50/50 on a first date, and that’s fine but it’s not for me. I’m really generous in my relationships once they progress, and I’ve noticed the ones keen to go 50/50 right from the start -in my personal experience- have turned out to be a bit less than generous and also less invested in me, so we’re not well-matched.

Any man worth his salt would be paying in full.

😂 your post made me laugh! Yesterdays first date with someone was dead in the water as soon as we clocked each other - on account of his photos being at least 10 YEARS old!!!

I paid for the lunch and cocktails because I just wanted to leave and he had taken a 2 hour train trip - thought it was square. He did offer to pay half but I was so pissed off.

Cheap with money cheap with love - it's a contributing factor to ending a relationship (i.e. doing a supermarket full shop for someone who was earning more than me when I visited on the weekend... we are talking multipacks of loo paper here...) FFS. Total ickkkkkk.

I'm with you on enjoying your own company + spending your money on exactly what makes you happy!!