How do you demonstrate commitment in your second relationship

[Comparethemarket]

My partner and I are mid-50s, been together 5 years. We are both divorced and have no plans to live together or get re-married. We spend 4-5 nights together every week, unless one or other of us has eg work trips etc. Mostly holiday together, but also have trips separately with friends (trips with friends are usually weekends, not extended holidays).

However, I know this has been covered before, but I can't find the thread.... How do/did you and your partner demonstrate commitment to each other in the longer term in this kind of set-up?

Neither of us want to move in together as we each like having our own space and financial independence.

I'd just be interested in how different couples have demonstrated this to each other, rather than taking a, "it's good right now" or FWB kind of approach.

Demonstrate to whom?

You mean to one another or publicly?

Why do you feel the need?

@Parisseb we tend to keep a small amount of stuff at each others' homes - toiletries, change of undies etc. We also tend to spend eg a full weekend (Fri night - Mon morning at just one or other house), then a night or two mid-week at one or other house. It can be a pain to keep packing/unpacking but we still prefer to keep our own places.

Surely your commitment is choosing to spend most of your time and life together and not seeing other people.

Get a commitment ring if you feel like you need an external verification of your love but commitment is in the DO not SHOW. People get married,move in, have kids and still lack any real commitment.

Make each other NOK? Plana holiday to celebrate your 10th anniversary?

@BettyBardMacDonald to each other I guess. I'm not really into big public displays but in younger years then relationship progression and level of commitment is quite clear eg dating, then moving in together, maybe kids, marriage etc.

As you move into a time of life where those things become less relevant/important I'd be interested to know how others demonstrate that commitment to the long term to each other.

@Parisseb I have grown up children (away at university) and a dog. He has none.

Why do you need some kind of public "demonstration of commitment" though? Commitment happens inside you both, and it's either there or it's not. It also doesn't depend on what randos not in your relationship think. Why so insecure about it? Do you think maybe your DP isn't committed?

@DreadPirateRobots who said anything about public displays? To the contrary, I've said I'm not into public displays.

Also, who said anything about insecurity? I'd just be interested to see what other people have done to demonstrate this.

There was a very informative thread about this around a year or so ago (which I now can't find) where people were very constructive about how they'd shown each other their commitment in mid-life relationships.

You could get engaged but don't marry?

Do you need too if you are happy? You don't need to prove your commitment to others.

I'm in the same situation as you apart from my DP and I wanted to live together (pool our resources and buy a nice house) and to get married. But the marriage part was to formally commit to each other. We both have DC. His grown up. My son still at home and we have both actively parented him which has been enjoyable.

I got sick of the whole packing a suitcase thing and love that we have. ahome together. But that is me.

So many different types of relationships. It's really down to you.

But if you're committed, you're... committed. You show it by being committed. By prioritising each other, by planning for the longer term together. Presumably you know you're committed to your DP, and hopefully you feel they're committed to you as demonstrated in their actions everyday. Why would there be any need for something else?

I'd make sure we were Facebook official!

You don't really have any commitment to each other (external)

My partner lives with me but there is no legal commitment-I could ask him to leave the flat tomorrow and that would be it. (After 14 years)

He is my pension beneficiary though.

but if i had any kids he probably would not even be in my will.

Do you feel he isn't as committed to the relationship as you? You could have a private ceremony with a celebrant.
Are you legally his NOK? As he has no children are you a beneficiary of his estate?

@MitskiMoo it's not about feeling uncommitted or not, I'm just wondering how others demonstrate that when you take away the traditional "move in, have kids, get married" rhetoric.
@burnoutbabe

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5117992-post-divorce-relationships-and-commitment

Just found the other thread

Oops, sorry no. That wasn't the right link!!

Get matching tattoos

My friend has been with her partner 5 years, neither have been married before nor have children but both in their late 40s/ early 50s. They don't live together - spend every weekend together and most - though not all - holidays. Occasional night in the week if they have particular plans. They just both like it this way and it suits them.

They involve each other in their lives/ decisions - she helped him choose his new house when he moved, he went car shopping with her - that sort of thing. They show up for each other's events, family occasions etc. Spend birthdays and Christmas together always. They have a joint account they both pay into which they use to cover their various holidays, trips, meals out etc. They're in each other's wills. (Reason I know so much about this is we were literally just having a conversation about it all the other day when another friend asked if they were ever going to move in together!)

Honestly it's the kind of setup I'd quite like if I didn't share a DD with DH!

Have a non legally binding druid ceremony

Buy some jewellery that is only complete with the other's half

Once you decide you aren't on the traditional relationship escalator commitment can be as simple as agreeing on some future shared medium and long term goals.

I assume you've had chats about exclusivity already so aren't in just a fwb situation? Would you be his carer for example if he became sick and he yours? Maybe chat about what your retirements and senior years together might look like. Do you plan to go off traveling together or engage in a shared activity for example?