How do you demonstrate commitment in your second relationship

[Comparethemarket]

My partner and I are mid-50s, been together 5 years. We are both divorced and have no plans to live together or get re-married. We spend 4-5 nights together every week, unless one or other of us has eg work trips etc. Mostly holiday together, but also have trips separately with friends (trips with friends are usually weekends, not extended holidays).

However, I know this has been covered before, but I can't find the thread.... How do/did you and your partner demonstrate commitment to each other in the longer term in this kind of set-up?

Neither of us want to move in together as we each like having our own space and financial independence.

I'd just be interested in how different couples have demonstrated this to each other, rather than taking a, "it's good right now" or FWB kind of approach.

I suppose you could each buy the other one a ring which you could then think of as a sort of engagement ring.

In my case by jointly buying a home, moving in together, and making sure the mortgage is paid off with life insurance on both sides. He still has a second place near his grown up children and spends some weekends there.

Spending most holiday’s together. Doing most stuff together, being each others plus 1 etc etc.

Considering each other in most big decisions.

Can’t think of much else. Definitely no “ceremony” (vom).

I remember on the previous thread posters had done things like make a major purchase together eg a motorhome, giving you actual tangible stuff that (sort of) connects you to each other.

I'm also thinking about the future. None of us are getting any younger and I'm kind of getting worried about old age and how you manage things when not living together.

It sounds like you really do want a marital-level commitment. Without jeopardizing the assets you wish to leave for your kids.

@BettyBardMacDonald I suppose I'm not really sure what, "marital level commitment" is. It seems to mean so many different things to different people. Definitely don't want to live together, I like having my own space way too much for that. It's the first time in my adult life I've had my own house in which I can do exactly as I like, decorate exactly as I like and I don't have someone else's mess to clear up or work around.

DP and I have been having a very similar conversation. We’re in our 50s, kids have left home but we are both very happy with our current set up. We’re deeply emotionally committed but financially and housing separate. We spend holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc together and we attend events as a couple. We are seen as a couple by friends and family and I can’t imagine my life without him and he says the same. But neither of us want to change the status quo. Life decisions are different when you come to a loving relationship in mid life.

Our conclusion was that he gave me a beautiful toi et moi ring. It’s not an engagement or an intention to marry but it is a symbol of our commitment to each other.

Thanks @Buggabootwo your comment life decisions are different when coming into a loving relationship midlife are spot on.

I'm more than happy to keep my independence and for him to have his. I'm just wondering what other people in relationships at this stage in life have done to cement their commitment.

Ex-h and I gave each other commitment rings long before we were married (and these were eventually used as our wedding rings).

I certainly don't want a ceremony, or big public displays of affection. I don't do that at all.

Just looking for non-conventional ideas as to how you display to each other you're on it for the long haul. It's a very non-conventional relationship.

In those circumstances commitment for me would be hosting a family Christmas together, attending graduations etc as a pair. If someone was just a FWB I wouldn't include them in those important events.